Most of the original gripes you're talking about generally revolve around paid sites. Never been on POF much but I've used Tinder and OkCupid before with a lot of success. The key to outbalancing the men sending tons of creepy messages is:

1. Sort out your profile and pics. Not as much to seem as good looking as possible, but so you look approachable, fun and clearly some long fingernailed seat sniffing weirdo.

2. Message a bunch of girls with some simple ass shit. Overthinking is a waste of time. I was using tinder with a ot of success a while back and my opening message was always something like 'Hey', 'Pint?' or a combination of the two. Again, fuss free, and clearly not some mentaloid.

3. Go the fuck out a lot. This shit can work really well, but it's always secondary to going out and being a real human being.

A lot of this shit seems to be excuses and roadblocks you're throwing in the way of yourself, which can just be avoided by either ignoring them or doing something else. I found the thing about not approaching girls in their 20s odd. SUre there are dumb girls in their 20s, but I've been with mature, chill, smart as fuck girls in their 20s and girls in their mid to late 30s who are immature, clingy ass mindjobs.

Go out first, the online dating shit is ancillary.
Incidentally, how often do you game?

Also a link to a profile or any of the shit you're sending out might be enlightening