Got in there at 11, left just after 12. That say's it all really.

I have now been to the Institute 4 times, and it has been awful each time. Venues aren't meant to overwhelm you, but this one does for me.

Everyone has a threshold; several super blow-outs, combined with oppressive heat and being packed in the club like sardines, caused me to reach mine fairly quickly.

The Institute is simply not for me. However, going there in a years' time and seeing how I get on will be a measure of the progress I have made.

I work during the day so this isn't really possible.

For sure I want to be chill when I'm out, but I also want to chat to girls!

Been out nearly every weekend since the summer, just couldn't be arsed writing the FRs! However, there have been some 'reality checks':

1) Chemistry cannot be generated. It is either there, or it isn't - just a case of not fucking it up if there is attraction.

2) The new sticking point is ploughing through initial resistance....this is something I need to work on as I sometimes find myself getting slightly confrontational, or walking away if I sense confrontation. So if anyone has any advice, it is appreciated

3) The solution to most problems with girls is....getting more girls. I've said it before, but will say it again anyway!

4) In order to progress faster, I need to go out more.

Looking forward to 2013 - facing fear, and building discipline.

Eventually there comes a point when enough is enough, and I reached it tonight. Time can be your ally, but can also be your worst enemy, e.g.

'It doesn't feel like the right time to talk to her'

This was KILLING me tonight. On the dancefloor with my friend, having a great time, fittie sidles up next to me and starts grinding, and I do.....nothing. I am then placed in the 'Like Every Other Chode' box and she disappears into the night, never to be seen again. I was pissed about this because there weren't that many nice girls in the club.

As soon as I got home I wrote in my diary, and through some reflection came up with the following affirmation to be repeated when out:

'It doesn't matter about the result, all that matters is taking action'

I am going to internalise this. That way, it is impossible for me to 'lose' as I have won the battle with myself, with the fear.

'It doesn't matter about the result, all that matters is taking action'

I am going to internalise this. That way, it is impossible for me to 'lose' as I have won the battle with myself, with the fear.[/quote]

Amen to that my friend.

I like reading your FR's. You haven't in the past seemed to have too much trouble grinding with girls in nightclubs. Just out of interest how do you go about doing it? I for one am not comfortable with the idea of just grabbing a girl and dry-humping her with lots of people around.

I usually hold out my hand if she takes it I spin her a couple of times then lead her off the dance floor for a chat. At 30, grinding girls to Rn'Bullshit in a club just ain't my scene.

Thanks man.

Normally if they're standing close I'll try to make eye contact with them, then go from there

Any result is a positive result as you are constantly learning through good and bad times. The main thing I am trying to internalize now is enjoying the process/journey.

It's nice to get to a stage where you know exactly what your current sticking points are. I have 3:

1) Taking action.

I have reached the stage where there is no point in reading any more theory, or watching videos, but simply executing.

I cannot progress until this starts to happen. Don't get me wrong - I am having quite a few interactions when I go out, but not enough, And in the interactions I do have......

2) Failure to escalate.

Resulting in the inevitable 'nice to meet you'. Aaaargh! It is an indication that I still care too much about the interaction.

3) The window of opportunity is small.

This is something that I have noticed more recently - that moment when you need to take some kind of action, be it opening, dancing with a girl, or going for the makeout. Once it is gone, it is gone. At the same time this is a silver lining, as it was something I didn't notice before - so I guess it is also progress as well!

Two very different nights this weekend coupled with new realizations, as I shall now go on to explain.

Friday
------

Braved the cold and headed up to central London, starting in the O' Neills in Leicester Square. One of my main aims for tonight was simply to stay in set as long as possible, to the point where it starts to become awkward. O' Neills had a reasonable number of women, and opportunities did present themselves.

Standing around shooting the shit with a couple of friends when I spot a group of 4 girls; hesitated for a bit, then eventually said aloud 'CRASH AND BURN TIME' then proceeded to walk over. To the outside observer, this would have been the most messy approach ever - fighting through crowds of people to get there! I eventually get there and open, to be met with 'no speaka da english' (a common answer in Leicester Sq). However, I know I must persist and stay in set. I continue talking, the girl is smiling so this is good, she keeps saying she can't speak english and I keep responding with 'it's fine'. Eventually it runs its course, and I go back to the group laughing.

This should have been the beginning of a good night, but things got more difficult from there. Tried talking to a few more girls but it just wasn't flowing. And there were some that were waiting for me to open them, but I didn't (more on this later). Eventually we decided to move on, and headed to a Brazilian club near Holborn.

This was a bigger venue and again there were a reasonable number of attractive women, but a lot of them were in couples. Hmmm. The main highlight from this was talking to a quite bitchy Latina; again, I was trying to keep the interaction going for as long as possible despite the initial frostiness and subtle insults.

At the point where we started to walk around the venue looking for girls, we knew it was time to leave. This change of mindset would affect me badly in the third and final club we went to.

By the time we got there my mentality had changed from 'have fun' to 'find girls'. This attitude may suit some, but for me it proved to be the night-killer as I ended up getting more and more in my head. Again there were girls showing interest, but I was too hesitant (that pesky 'window of opportunity' again). My mates tried to motivate me, but to no avail, and I ended up leaving (or bailing) early.

This could be considered as a 'bad' night, but in retrospect I learnt a lot. During the drive home I felt shit and kept replaying things in my head; the next day, having slept, I was able to sit down and rationally think about what happened. Two things came out as a result of this:

1) I needed to press the 're-set' button, and forget about Game when going out;

2) It is OK not to get laid.

So we move on to the events of Saturday.

Saturday
---------

Shortly before going out, I watched this video by Alex from RSD:

Self-generate the vibe that makes you attractive to the hottest girls. Draw state from within. - YouTube

Which was quite appropriate for my current situation. Tonight we were going out as a mixed group, which was nice; the girls were chill so we all ended up doing our own thing anyway.

Saturday was very different to Friday - my aim was just to be chill and chat to people, and this resulted in several revelations:

1) The opener doesn't matter. This was solidified yesterday; sometimes I simply started with 'how's it going?' and trusted in my ability to keept the conversation going from there.

2) The power of eye contact. I haven't been great at this before, but now starting to see the benefit.

3) The initial reaction doesn't matter. This was one of the most significant revelations; some people just need more time to 'warm up' than others. Leading to....

4) The power of 'staying in set'. Combined with staying chill, I just felt more at ease.

5) Freedom from outcome provides more choice. I wanted to build my conversational skill (i.e. 'staying in set') so ended up talking to all kinds of girls. An unexpected thing then happened; with no self-generated pressure, I felt able to choose whether or not to escalate.

LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND
-----------------------------

1) Just be chill and chat to people. Period.

2) The longer you talk to someone, the more of a connection is built. I now understand this.

3) Feeling comfortable in my own skin is the first thing that matters.

4) The 'worst' of nights can produce the most profound lessons.

And finally....

5) Attractive women like sex as well! Learned as a result of dropping our female friends off to a 'booty call' at the end of the night (which had been set up the same evening, by the looks of it)

Signed up for the Nuts bar crawl last night as it was Australia Day - wasn't a bad deal at all, got free entry into clubs that you would normally pay £10-15 for.

1st club was Zoo - got in and it was already busy at 10pm. Just decided to kick back in here, few conversations here and there. Got up onto the stage with a couple of friends for some mad dancing - that was cool. Before I knew it an hour had passed, and it was time to move on.

2nd club - Ruby Blue. This one was a lot more random, as there seemed to be a lot of old people (45+). Nothing notable in here, with the exception of one woman's pathetic attempt to get me thrown out because I talked to her friend instead of continuing to talk to her; ended up getting into conversation with the same bouncer, hahaha. This turned out to be.....

Progress Sign #1 - Normally shit like this would have ruined my night and put me in a bad mood, but in this case I had to re-frame it into pure ridiculousness.

So onto the next club.....

3rd (and final) club - Bar Rumba. Stepped it up a bit and did a few more approaches, with further signs of progress:

Progress Sign #2 - Saw a girl I liked the look of on the other side of the dancefloor. Normally I would have made some kind of excuse, but tonight I just thought 'fuck it', went over and went direct with 'Hey you're cute, I had to meet you'. It went better than expected, and this took me by surprise - had some conversation, then it quickly became boring. Aaargh!

Progress Sign #3 - Group of bitchy girls standing in front of us scowling, my friend cracks a joke to one and she does not look impressed at all. I find thr whole situation extremely funny. I then end up getting into conversation with one of them, who is throwing shit test after shit test for the 1st 10 minutes. The turning point came at this point of the conversation:

Her: Why are you looking at me like that?
Me: Because you're pretty

Just before this there was silence when we were looking at each other, and I realised that she was actually pretty! (so coming from a place of expression).

After this I knew she was into me, even though there was still plenty of strong banter. She just didn't want to do anything ni front of her friends, who looked like they were having the worst night of their lives. In retrospect, I should have simply moved her to the bar - I'm sure she would have complied. However, when she was leaving she told me to take her number; we will see how that goes.

LESSONS LEARNED
------------------

1) At the moment it is small fixes, but important small fixes.

2) Be the man and take the lead - several examples of this happened last night. There is nothing to apologise for if I'm being a man.

3) Keep going - just keep going!

The progress is slow, but it is progress nonetheless, and that is what is important.