This post is to do with high value social skills. There are elements that directly apply to your interactions with girls, although the article is focused on your interactions with high value people in a casual or business context. Indirectly, relationships with high value people will often provide you with access to the hottest girls.

One of the key lessons of Social Circle Mastery is the power of the ‘first impression’ and more importantly, how to properly deliver one when trying to build rapport with a high value individual (this could be a celebrity, a millionaire, or generally a person with high social status in any given situation). When two high value individuals first meet, there is typically a subtle exchange of verbal and non-verbal cues that allow each party to recognise the other’s social status. Malcolm Gladwell calls this ‘thin slicing’ in the award winning book ‘Blink,’. These go unnoticed by the vast majority of people, but to those with a high degree of social intelligence, ‘the 10s of life,’ these cues are as clear as day.

So how do you meet a high value person and develop the kind of mutual respect that is the foundation for a healthy long term friendship? In this article I’ll share some insights into this very topic.

Establish Respect

The first thing to do in an interaction is to establish a solid platform of mutual respect. In this phase, it is crucial to avoid a negative ‘thin slice.’ Upon making first impressions, there are usually two big mistakes that people make.

1. Trying to demonstrate higher value immediately – or ‘trying too hard.’

Don’t show all of your value up front. If you immediately start trying to impress the other person by talking about all the cool things in your life, you’re playing a risky game. It is this kind of rapport seeking, try-hard behaviour that distinguishes the ‘not quite there’ crowd to the top 10%. Consider this. The up-and-coming bank investor can’t wait to tell you about all the money he is responsible for and all the money he makes. But the owner of the bank, if he mentions what he does for a living at all, is just ‘in finance’ when asked what he does. He doesn’t feel the need to parade his goods for all to see.

2. Don’t defer to the other person’s value.

Most people make too much of a big deal out of recognising the ‘main value proposition’ of the other person. The main value proposition is exactly that – the single most valuable aspect about the person. So, for example, for Justin Timberlake, it would be his music or fame. For a millionaire, it would be his business.

The key is to recognise their ‘major value proposition’ on a ‘throw and go’ basis. So for example, to a music celebrity, simply saying, ‘Hey man, I like your music’ is sufficient. People typically meet celebrities and ‘emotionally overreach’ For example, they get hugely emotional and gush about how much they love that actor’s movies, or how they listen to this music star’s album every day. This tactic may well get a smile, a handshake or even a couple of seconds of appreciative dialogue with that person, but it is very unlikely to result in mutual respect or much, if any, desire for further contact. The key to building MUTUAL respect is then to qualify and relate to that person on topics outside of their main value proposition… and to find ways in which you can add value.

To round off, let me share a fantastic quick tip that you can put to work immediately. If a person is of significantly higher value than you, while it is crucially important to respect them, it is also important to neutralize their value by not putting too much emphasis on it. The concept of neutralizing a person’s value is similar in some ways to teasing a woman you just met. When you approach a beautiful woman in a coffee shop or in a bar, you shouldn’t focus your conversation on her physical beauty. To do so would focus on her value so much that she’d feel like you put her on a pedestal and that you were not of equal or higher value (unless you were using a properly executed direct approach).

With high value people – men or women – focus away from the main source of value. This will help you build rapport. If you subtly encourage people to qualify themselves to you on other topics, you tacitly increase your own value in their eyes. This is because people generally don’t encourage others to qualify themselves… unless you are a high-value person yourself! By getting a person to qualify to you, even subtly, it equalizes value on a certain level.

The application of advanced qualification to social situations as expounded in Social Circle Mastery is obviously far more complex than what I have covered above – this is just one basic implication. And to sum up, here’s the big take-away point to remember:

The next time you meet a high-value individual, whether it’s in the club or in the boardroom, focus on making an effective first impression with these elements. To internalize these behaviors takes practice and a degree of inner game confidence but it’s worth it. To be able to communicate on the same level with that top 10% and develop a relationship with them to build your amazing social circle is a skill that trickles down to every area of your life -not just to meeting and attracting beautiful women (although it applies very much to this as well)!

Enjoy,

Keys

Great article, this is quite a subtle yet important social skill-set that many people over-look or don't quite grasp the concept. Well articulated. Simply showing respect towards others is severely lacking in todays society, just possessing respect for others is an attractive and high-value quality in itself.

Thanks Hustler,

Yes, 'subtle' is exactly the right word for it. It's often difficult to walk the thin line of showing respect to a high value individual without edging to the left, and trying to hard to prove yourself worthy of the person's time, or edging to the right, and gushing like a school girl at a JT concert!

There are a couple of other variations on these mistakes that I see quite often but didn't choose to include in the post (just for reasons clarity and elegance). Maybe I'll write a part 2.

Thanks again Hustler!

Keychain

Yeah I think you should write a part 2. It would be useful knowledge to share.

Enjoyable post mate; would love a part 2.

I agree with you Kowalski.

I would, however, suggest that there's more to 'being a 10' than respecting yourself. Although self-respect is a very necessary part!

Keychain