Story:
I cheated on my girlfriend, with a girl whose ex works at the place I work.
He’s not really a friend, I worked with him for a couple months, but that’s it. Never see him out of work. He said he wasn’t bothered, as she is single.

Now, my ex texts me last night, telling me she’s going to meet him, as friends, for a drink or something.

I don’t know why, but this sends me into a fucking flying rage last night at midnight.

Obviously, I know I can’t control her. I know I can’t even request anything of her, and at the least, probably deserve this.

I’m aware of that, and will deal with my own insecurities and such.

But I want to know, why does this send me into a rage? Why did I not sleep? Why do I feel sick, and seriously wish I could just murder them both to stop them meeting?
It’s not like he knows anything secret that she doesn’t know. It’s not like she knows anything he doesn’t.

I’m trying to keep my negative posts on this site to a minimum, but this shits eating me up!

I’m talking to other girls, texting other people, seeing friends, yet I still felt like I’d rather have bleach in my eye?

p.s I tried not to convey how shit it makes me feel. I told her if she’s guna do that, I’m not speaking to her any more. And she basically said goodbye. Which is probably good for us both to be honest!

Pal i understand where you are coming from.

When i cheated on my ex... a family friend of hers started flirting with her and i flew into a total rage -- to the point where i redirected it on some poor chump who was annoying me in his car-- i ended up over taking him and swerving side on in the main road and stopped about 20 cars while i ranted at this fucker who wouldnt dare get out his car.

its beacause youve still got emotion/feelings invested in your ex so it feels like betrayal to you-- also be aware that a common thing some girls will do who have been really hurt is to end up fucking somone you know or one of your friends--ive seen that happen before.

Youve got to ride the world of fucking mess you made now and hopefully you`ll come out the other side of it a better person.

I madea point in one of your posts a long time ago when you first joined that you were on this site for the wrong reasons and you would end up cheating on your ex-- you chirped up that you were just here for 'self development'
this was inevitable

Yeah you're right. I probably was always going to cheat it was just a matter of time.

It does feel like betrayal, but its conflicting in my head cos I know logically we're over and I shouldn't give a shit. But I do. I don't want her back, or anything like that. How does one "de-invest" emotions in a girl? My guess is Time.

Its funny, I've been in this situation before, where the girl is moving on, with somebody I know, and theres fuck all I can do about it. It makes me feel shit for a few days, but then, I go have sex with some hot blonde and all is forgotten about.

At the end of the day, I think I need to realise that I deserve this shit, and to just let it be. I txt the guy and said: "Do what you want, but two wrongs won't make a right and you'll be as bad as me". He replied: ha gd night dan

Why is it so easy for a man to move on and sleep with someone else, but its so hard for us to watch the girl move on?

I also get more pissed off because I'm losing sleep over someone who I DIDNT WANA BE WITH! And also, because my stomachs churning cos she's going on dates. Plus side = I release some anger doing weights in the gym I guess.

I am slowly starting to think on the side of "fuck it, i dont give a shit" and not even bother acknowledging her existance.

Woman scorned. It's not an accident that you know him and she has advertised what she's planning.

It's fucking with you on two levels, one being basic jealousy, and the other being that she's cleverly reflecting your own guilt back at you, right in your face. in other words, half of it is anger projected outwards, half of it is anger projected inwards.

Women are like ninja's with this shit, they don't know how they do it but they can take an almighty dump on your heart if they want to.

My advice? Stop fucking cheating on women, if you want to sleep around be a PUA not a relationship guy. Why do you think Kowalski is always harping on about honesty? Think about it. Now you've crapped in your bed though, you're going to have to move beds or lie in it. More options mate, you need more options to diffuse the importance of her to you. Go forth and multiply.

PS

Yeah, I'm staying single for a very long time now. I don't want to be in a relationship and its staying that way until I'm ready to truly settle down.

I'm not going to cheat in my next relationship. I won't get with a girl I wouldn't be happy with. And I am going to start being a lot more honest.

I appreciate the input, I'm trying to keep my spirits up and not slip into a spiralling depression. I'm trying to be sociable and see and talk to as many people as possible.

I've actually consciously been trying not to rub anything in her face. I've not been telling her anything, and I've tried to be civil. I even made it so she or her family can't see my facebook or anything. Then she texts me last night and drops that bombshell, I was half way through the film Saw 7, and I just went nuts. Shaking and never felt such rage.

I will start seeing more girls and forget about this ex.

You will survive, its a long slow road but you will come out of the other end.
there are millions of people out there who make your shit look trivial

Yeah you're right. Although it never feels like it at the time..

Do you have any words of wisdom to avoid spiralling into depression?

Keep yourself busy -- a depressive state isolates you and makes you NOT want to be around anyone -- if you are forced to integrate even going seeing your parents -- makes a big difference to your mood

Date Girls -- even if you dont want to, plenty of nice girls on the go keeps you from dwelling

Affirmations -- a BIG one for me that stopped me wobbeling was having set phrases to say to myself when i felt myself wobble
ie -- i wasnt happy or else this wouldnt have happened-- its for the best,
there are millions of girls out there who are right for me etc etc

Dont Ruminate -- dont think about the things that are depressing you -- thats almost impossible at first but as you start 'catching' yourself thinking about stuff and stopping it you get better at it.
depressive spirals occur when you think about the things that hurt you inside--so your body releases stress hormone - cortisol that constantly uts you into a fight or flight mode and wears you out-- you end up feeling tired and lethargic and cant face doing things and end up thinking more and more about the same things that get you down.
learn to catch yourself when you are having these depressive thoughts.