The piece below is an exert from an essay that Derren Brown contributed to The Atheists guide to Christmas. I have found him the be a surprisingly erudite and likable writer.

This paragraph struck a chord with me. In the past, I know I have tried to be what I taught people would like, even more so with woman. I would tell myself I didn't have a rapport with some people because they just weren't as smart as me. I worried that my friends were not interested in the same things as me or working in the same industry. I am glad to say I have left all these beliefs behind(for the most part) and I think the paragraph below sums up my feelings nicely. Hope its useful to some of you guys.




"Above all kindness is that quality that we most like in other people. We try to be clever and witty around clever and witty people, forgetting that we don't especially like clever and witty people ourselves unless they are also delightful and charming to be with. Attempting needlessly to look and sound like those whom we want to like us, we ignore the fact that we don't especially like those who share our tastes, unless they also have the quality of loveliness that sets them apart. Worrying greatly how we best present ourselves to others, we relentlessly misjudge and try too hard, often, through classic negative suggestion, appearing exactly how we didn't want to. (Not wanting to seem a bore, we talk too much and try to hard, and become dull beyond words.) To be simply generous open and engaged, on the other hand, is a simple recipe to appear likable to anyone. If we can only fake it then so be it. But if we can absorb it at every level, we can anticipate a charmed life of returned kindness and increased happiness."



"....Kindness breeds kindness: this latter maxim is part of the bible of persuasion tactics. Do someone a favor and they'll feel obliged to reciprocate......"