Badly behaved GF - How not to be AFC
 

Hey guys,

Enjoyed game a long time including a PUATraining bootcamp - pretty much nailed how to be alpha when dating... but I have to admit I tend to go AFC when in relationships - current one no exception. I have moaned, I have explained how I feel etc - yes SICK BUCKET!

Good news is I realise the error of my ways. Question is two fold....
1. How do I recover without appearing to have a split personality/to have changed
2. How do I treat bad behaviour

Question 2 is more pressing in my current situation. She is out tonight on a hen do...

Brief version of last contact over text are...
Her - Off out now, message when I can
Me - have fun hottie
Her - love you
Me - love you too (~10:30ish)

Its now 1:30am - she has been online every 10-15min for 1-2min at a time since 11:30pm - clearly able to message & obviously IS messaging someone.... not me!!

Previously when she has gone out she has messaged me all the time - but not tonight. I refuse to show her I am angry/upset by this, but I have to question why!

How would an alpha deal with her behaving in a way that is unacceptable both for this particular occasion and others...

Thanks guys :)

Welcome to the forum mate, but the general etiquette is to post a message in the introductions thread before anywhere else.

If I'm honest, your trying to idealise far too much on how you think an 'alpha' would act, when you should be acting like somebody who's comfortable with the situation, or more importantly, yourself.

Not texting back, doesn't seem that much like 'bad behavior', you may be reading too much into it, she may just be texting her friends while she's out, trying to find out where people are, she may just be appearing online because her phone has signal. Or she may be getting guys numbers, point is there's not much you can do about it without being possessive just let it be.

Do you text her when your on a night out?

Apologies....very next step is for me to post an intro... my bad. With my AFC head spinning I was not thinking straight.

When out we typically text one another fairly regularly. She is a total phone addict to the point of checking what messages she has when I pause to out a condom on post foreplay!! Another bad habit that needs addressing...

Issue I have I suppose are small and have slowly been compounded and made worse by my sensitivity. Challenges to date....

- I am always planning future events, arranging when we next meet up
- I have introduced her to my social circle, 5 months in not met a single one of her friends - although met her parents/brother etc. all her friend events are girls only....
- she is either insatiable and very affectionate or completely off and not interested in sex. Body language negative, pulls away from any affection etc
- common courtesies like good night/good morning contact I had to ask for (now get it)

First week away recently she was off and so I got AFC asking what was wrong - her response nothing which made her more off which made me ask even more what was wrong, made her more off - downward spiral. AFC muppet I know!!! This is what I need to recover from.

Post event she wanted a weekend to chill and be with "her mummy" - lived at home until 28 (only been away from home 6 months!!). She perked up but I cannot help but be sensitive to everything she does. She is clearly less attracted and so not as chatty, flirty etc. my AFC is strangling the attraction.

So I guess my original question stands - how can I "punish"/not tolerate being treated right without being AFC and regain my position as dominant alpha that she finds attractive.

We work together and at work I am a top 5 performer in a 200+ team and am naturally very alpha at work - her original attraction of course.

Feel free to lay into me so I can refer back to this post each time I am feeling AFC to being me back in line.

Thanks in advance guys....

Right step back a minute there mate, 'punish'? Your thinking about this completely wrong, you may have had the initial attraction when you were the 'alpha' in work, but now she's got you, much like a child that's gotten the toy they envied that they now no longer want to play with because they've gotten it. Just back off her a bit, go do your own thing, go out with the lads, talk to people etc. If she's interested in you let her come to you, and if she doesn't? Then fuck it your better off with somebody who shows a bit more interest.

Her behaviour in itself is not bad. Why can't she text whomever she wants whenever she wants?

Checking her phone whilst your putting on a condom imo is bad and I would address that calmly and maturely, but that is more of a compulsive addiction behaviour that a bad/disrespectful behaviour. It also means that you are not doing foreplay correctly my friend...

The problem here is that you seem to be obsessing over this one girl. Yes it's great to have a healthy and committed relationship but this is not healthy. You should have mutual respect for each other, not be seeking to "punish".

Firstly you need to get over your hangups and trust her. Because if you don't trust her then get out of the relationship but if you do you need to have a little faith in her.
The best way of doing this is making your own life interesting and awesome so that you have other choices of things to do other than fascinate over what your girlfriend is doing. Take up hobbies, go and see live bands or collect stamps. Something that will make you stop checking whether your girl is online and also give you the option of saying "hey not tonight, I'm busy"

Secondly you are not alpha if you are searching for a way to be "alpha" and assert it. It is something that is there or it isn't and in part it isn't something you can bring to a relationship.

All great stuff and what I know in my head I just need to hear it from others. Sadly speaking to friends you get standard afc suggestions - talk etc! Please keep posting your comments.....

I particularly like you making the distinction between compulsive addiction rather than me taking it personally! This single handedly has lifted a weight off my shoulders! Thanks for this. I need more of this alpha thinking shared - thanks guys!

Try not to put so much weight on 'alpha' thinking, you only identify with an 'alpha' mentality because you may not be content with your own state of mind, something which you may see in others that you recognise as an 'alpha'.

Again, as dale said, take up a hobby, go out, enjoy life, make yourself more interesting to yourself, and your girl will be more interested in you, and so will other people, making you more desirable.

Thanks Dice/both...

Last year I was Mr Social with the craziest diary life had ever seen with travel planned every 6 weeks. At the start of this year I promised myself to step back and just chill. So I didnt accept party invites, stopped seeing some of the people I used to and 5/6 months in now I have an empty calendar and look positively boring! I can see how this is affecting me and also how other perceive me.

The lady knows of my past - but of course memories wear off and all she sees now is a guy who does not have his own life sitting about waiting to see her free at her beckon call.

Hobbies & own social life it is... that starts now.

Thanks!

PS: Any suggestions on books/places to learn more about inner game and getting this handled?

Good plan, I couldn't really say where or how you start getting out there, but its mostly to do with being pro-active, always say yes to any opportunity. A lot of nights out have actually been from this forum, send out a few PM's see when people are out, many of the better nights out I've had in Manchester have been with people from this forum.

If you haven't already then I'd say read Neil Strauss, The Game, its a great book which will make you laugh and also help you to see light at the end of the tunnel

You gf sounds like my ex, and I was in exactly your position just without this forum, I think if I had put my sub consious thoughts onto a forum such as this maybe I would still be with her (although I have no regrets) in my expereince all you need to do is play hard to get, and by getting your social life back in order and taking up hobbies this will happen as you won't always be free to be with her, making her desire to see you grow and seem less of a chore, remember... Absence makes the heart grow fonder, also I know she is your girl friend but light hearted negs will work a treat, through txts and normal day to day interaction, make sure there fun light hearted negs!! Girl friends can become extremly offended and unlike in the field you can't just walk away, you have to stay and deal with it!

Hope things work out for you, sounds like you really like this girl

Yeah it's The story of the worlds best PUA, get it from amazon :D

im not sure if ur being serious

It's official

I'm deadly serious, look it up

so just to clarify... you are saying this "neil Strauss" is the worlds best at picking up women?

Yeah we was until..... I won't say why you'll have to read, he plays game on britney spears and interviews Tom cruise, also has some crazy runnings with courtney love lol:hihi:

It is a really good book and will teach you loads of "game" lingo :)

Wow, so your saying that all the knowledge I need to get women is all in one book!?

Ah Monkeyboy memories of my thinking three years ago when I first read the game:hihi:

It depends how deeply you read into the book, he quotes a lot of stuff he did to become PUA guru, just read the damn book lol!

Yeah Lovefish its one I'll never forget :D

To be fair, the first name that spring to mind when you mention 'PUA' is Mystery. The Game has a lot to answer for.

Ive read it its most peoples starting point, its way old and out of date now yes it does have the bones of pua I guess. But lines and tricks is not the way anymore and its certainly not what I want for me. Inner game is the way.
tbh who gives a crap whos "the best" anyways!!
All that matters to me is results, ill take what works for me from other supposed mpuas and drop the rest of the crap that isn't working.

Ok, enough play.

Ive read the game mate. Its nothing more than a huge advertisement for mystery method and any following PUA sales stuff for Neil. It was written by a very good writer, about "how men can get any girl into bed" the mans dream.

similar to the bible i suppose, filled with half truths and manipulates the many.

basically mate, the guys u read about dont get 5 for 5, not unless they are in a social circle of women who are following them around like flunkies.

in a club it is IMPOSSIBLE to walk up to the 5 hottest girls, and get 5 numbers.

its this chase for grandeur which makes u buy stuff. The best thing u can do is go out, ignore the game, and the need to 'BE AMAZING' at PUA

.... just take rejection well, treat women as equals or beneath you. have fun. and always make it clear ur there for sex

ALWAYS.... it 98% of the time works in ur favour to say..

Ye ... i wanna fuck u, what of it?

U have a journey young man. dont start it with the fear of never reaching mystery and styles level.. ur probably further than they are already.

if not, write a book full of lies and most of the idiot PUA community will believe you anyway

I no that they won't have 100% success rate and also that the girls there pulling are probably no better than 6's most of the time, I could go to a bar and pull most of the 6's there just by beeing cheeky and playful, I totally apreciate what your saying and do agree with you but.... There is no denying style's routines work, I've tried most from the book and what I've seen of him on youtube and had good success.

I know I'd never be at "styles level" as long as I keep getting chicks to my bedroom I'm happy :D.... I do wish I could have the confidence he writes about, but I guess that will come with time, trial and error.

What you said was cool though thanks dude, inspiring words!

the routines are not what work mate, its the fact u had so much confidence in them coz it came from the great and powerful.

u made it work.

You could probably pull that shit off asking a random girl if she has seen ur hamster ur looking for.

or if she seen a white rabbit running around shouting "Im late" then introduced urself as alice.

the thing with confidence, it doesnt matter what is on the inside (people cant read thoughts) as long as u can fake confidence... it will evolve into a truth.

Fuck style
Fuck Mystery

Fuck girls

So, in other words he’s fine running the routines, and to make it even more ‘ok’, ignore the bigger picture of realising his inner confidence issues.

You seem to have quite a chip on your shoulder about those guys.

please don't 'In Other Words' Mate, u do it all the time. U also quote me missing half sentences. Ur badly argumental.

The advice i am giving the guy is tried and tested with no hidden agenda. not just in picking up women, but in life.

no mate, i have loads of respect for a clever sales ploy.

i just wanna get it across clearly to a young guy who needs help that they are not to be aspired too. There is more to life than women, and if u make ur whole life about them it means you see them as your master.

Women are not my master mate, no fuckin way no how

You’re right, I missed this sentence…

I agree with this...

It’s Friday, I’m feeling positive!

Inner confidence is not the same as game, if you have inner confidence then rock on, not everyone is born with the gift of the gab

It makes sence that I would have confidence in the routines because I no they work so I come across confident when using them, this has inspired me to try make up some routines of my own, which eventually will probably increase the confidence I have in myself

how did you know they would work? coz the book said so?

Because I've used them on girls before and.... They worked

yes, but what i mean is, the first time you tried the routine... how did you know it would work?

just to clarify.

you say confidence and game are diff.

so one day u decided to use this special routine that u knew would work coz it was in the book THE GAME

and went out and it worked. YAY.... so basically you did no work here, style basically did all the work. i mean, all u did was approach and talk to the girl.

so then you have routines you came up with that u are not as confident in just yet, but you hope one day they are as good as the routines in THE GAME

there is a pattern there if you see it.

IT ISNT THE ROUTINE ITS THE CONFIDENCE.

I knew it would work because style had tried it and tested it so I had confidence in using it

So are you saying I shouldn't use routines and that I should use my confidence instead? The only flaw with that is I have no confidence, like I said I'm an awkward kind of guy, 8/10 girls feel that, masking it with a routine works wonders for me....

What Phil is saying is don't rely on routines.

If you build confidence in situations in which you are socially uncomfortable so that you do not have to use routines then you will grow as a person, not just a PUA. Routines are just a mask that makes you look confident and only work on weak minded girls where you will never grow as a person but always be a shallow man chasing a shag...

Watch a seminar called "blueprint decoded" by RSD or real social dynamics. It's notthe be all and end all of pickup and pop psychology but if you go out, enjoy yourself, try things and make mistakes you become a confident powerful person because you overcome that fear and realised some of your potential

People who stick to routines do so because they feel they have nothing to offer girls (or other people), an self depricating DLV of sorts...

no, you read that he had tried it. You don't know.

he could be lying about 80% of the book. you just wouldnt know.

the routine gave u confidence to approach, u pulled the girl its that simple.

Do what this fella said. You can also listen to it in mp3 format whilst you're on the move!

What The Actual Fuck

Option 1 - Talk to her about it like an adult..discuss how you feel

Option 2 - When she is giving you a blowjob..get your phone out and play Fruit Mania

Option 3 - Grab her phone throw it away and fuck her

Honestly tho...that is terrible..plus your in a relationship..bareback should be a option here......


some Girls....are way too addicted to their phone..ive encountered this. they have such double standards its hilarious..they use their phone all the time ..when with you..HOWEVER when I use my phone and start phone bashing they get all funny
" your always on your phone bla bla bla bla bla bla bla "

I just set the record straight ..tell them to stop moaning in the nicest way possible

Im still in shock your GF uses her phone while your putting a condom on...

Please use option 2 for the lolz.