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(#1)
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The joke thread -
23-12-2008, 06:24 PM
Share your jokes!
Got this as a text today... Was in Asda 2day with 2 full trollies of booze & my Xmas shoping wen a little old lady got behind me in the q. She only had a pint of milk, so I said "Is that all u've got love?" She replied "Yes" So I did the decent thing & said "If I were u I'd fuck off to another till, I'm gonna take ages"     
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(#2)
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23-12-2008, 07:18 PM
What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind as it hits the windscreen?
It's arse. Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a muddy puddle Wanna hear a clean joke? He got a bath with bubbles Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is just a guys nickname What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on the face of a boy until he hits at least 12..
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(#3)
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24-12-2008, 03:11 PM
My uncle's a shit ventriloquist.
When I was nine he stuck his hand up my arse and told me not to say anythink. Statistically, nine out of ten people actually enjoy gang rape. My marriage counselor told me to be more impulsive. So I raped her. What's red and smells of holly? Ian huntleys cock.
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(#4)
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30-09-2009, 03:55 PM
Following on from the sick jokes that are on this thread!
How do you know when your sister's "on"? When your father's dick tastes like blood! Just to make it clear...I have not experienced this! well not in my family anyway!
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(#5)
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30-09-2009, 03:57 PM
I was walking down a street when the woman in front of me dropped her bags. She asked me for help.
"Of course I'll help," I said to her, "With how beautiful you are, I bet you can get a man to do anything." She giggled and flirted back by touching my arm and saying, "With how strong you are, I bet you can get a woman to do anything." I laughed and said, "Yes, I can actually." Then I raped her.
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(#6)
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30-09-2009, 06:52 PM
Quote:
I hope Kanye West doesn't show up at Patrick Swayze's funeral, "I'll let you get back to the funeral in a minute but Michael Jackson had the best death of the year, just sayin" My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out. Be honest, how many of you piss on the dry porcelain part of the toilet so it makes less noise? Now for the harsh:Has anyone else noticed that "Maddie" is an anagram of "I'm dead"?
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(#7)
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30-09-2009, 07:12 PM
Love the Maddie ones - here's some more:
What's the difference between Maddie and Houdini? Nothing - they both disappeared and they're both dead. What's the difference between Jade Goody and a scooter? A scooter can reach 30. Two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap" to which the other replies "Yeah it does doesn't it" A man takes a bath with his young son and his son points at his father's willy and says "Daddy why isn't mine like that?" He replies "Well for a start son, yours isn't erect" Also, regarding the clean joke, I heard a different version: Do you want to hear a clean joke? A man took a bath with bubbles Do you want to her a dirty joke? Bubbles is the 6 year old boy from across the street
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(#8)
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05-10-2009, 03:51 PM
Quote:
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(#9)
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05-10-2009, 04:30 PM
Last night, I was standing by the bar when this bird came over and asked, "Any chance you could buy me a drink?"
"Well, yeah, if you want. But it's going to cost you", I said, with a cheeky grin and a wink. "Oh, and what's it gonna cost me?", she replied, as she returned the smile. I said, "However much your fucking drink costs, you stupid bitch".
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(#10)
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05-10-2009, 04:38 PM
Thanks for the explanation Kowalski, That joke had been doing my head in for ages!
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