Pondering from time to time

The journey is short outside but much longer in the mind…

Blinding pain caused by the circling thoughts….

Of things you cant let go..

… sometimes You’re just on pause.

And whilst it seems like hours pass by and you replay the same tired thoughts, you realise... its only been a few minutes or more…

The ego rules with an iron fist....

it’s easy to say (but not easy to do) to try to ignore it…

But when the mist clears and clarity is yours it’s hard to see how you allowed your mind to cloud you

...but you do.

There is you, and your brain… your brain is your tool…

....so use it

..... don’t let it use you.

Your body is an emotional addict, your brain craves the drug… and cycling thoughts that evoke emotional thoughts are simply no good....

So stop…

Become present… and think this through.

You rule your own thoughts… they don’t rule you.

I suppose there's no time like the present to add I've kinda experienced a change within myself in the last week or so....because on Xmas eve I decided to grant my ex true forgiveness.

I'd tried before up to 10 times but either wasn't successful & I didn't really mean it. I was lying to myself & to her.

This time however was different because I never had the inner voice whispering "you don't really mean it Dan you're full of shit & you're still mad as hell"

I said at the turn of 2012 I was forgiving & forgetting, yet a full 3 years later I was still bitter deep down & still imagined me kicking asses when certain guys crossed my path.

The pain got less & less over time & obviously moving away changed everything & was a massive help, but every few weeks on average I'd think about all the shit then get really mad & picture me chopping limbs off the cunts I felt fucked me over back then. But I'd be ok half an hour later when I cooled down or had 10 rounds on the punch bag.

So I decided 3 years was long enough to carry resentment around & made a decision to let it go. Text my ex & told her I truly forgave her. (She is probably sceptical because she has heard it before, but this time is different)

The guys I wanted to decapitate i could never see me shaking hands & being a buddy of them, but at the same time I would only be adding to any hurt by ending up in a cell for a long time if i acted on the built up anger.

The point is I'm letting go of the past & focusing on the future. I'm not the most spiritual person or any of that stuff aside from meditation, but I think it could be likely that by carrying hate in my heart I've been stopping the right woman coming in to my life.

That's if all the spiritual higher power malarkey is true. A lot obviously believe in it. I guess I'll find out if true or not now that I've let it go.

Been listening to a few of this guys videos recently. I'm not 100% sure of him yet but he does appear to speak more sense than some other bloggers who just don't seem right in the head..

http://youtu.be/p33HM9NfycA

He comes across very philosophical & uses really colourful (no not that type of colourful) language. I haven't decided yet if he is full of hot air or if he's on the money.

A little captivating if nothing else.

Well maybe long poems hate you.

Real beauty isn't as narrow as definition.

and anyway, it wasn't supposed to be beautiful. Its about (and this is something most lads here will have endured) being stuck in a loop of thoughts (probs coz of a girl but whatever reason) and can't get out because their brain takes over.