First post in a couple of years on this site. I came back here as I remember it being a positive environment for like-minded guys.

I broke up with my GF at Christmas and out of desperation to salvage the situation acted my very clingy best this has resulted in me collecting my final belongings today and agreeing no contact for an indefinite period.

I bombed in a spectacular way and I've come to realise that I've handed my dignity over on a plate, I have no issues with my ex, her treatment of me or how she handled the breakup but I devalued my self by believing and telling her that I was nothing without her. What's more startling is that for as long as I can remember I’ve been stuck in a vicious circle. I needed to be confident to get women and my confidence was at its highest when I had loads. When I had no women I felt worthless and my confidence disappeared.

I'll be open with everyone, I'm not afraid to admit it but last week I started to plan taking my own life, I wasn't bothered anymore about leaving my loved ones in distress and no longer cared for how my nearest and dearest would cope. I thought that no one else would have me and I didn’t fancy a lifetime on my own. Luckily I'm a self aware person and I knew I needed help fast. I was lucky to get an appointment quickly with a great therapist and her diagnosis is that I am extremely depressed, have no self esteem and no confidence. I also have other deep seated issues that need to be dealt with. I’m definitely not getting involved with any woman in any way until I’m happy with me.

I've come to realise that my previous foray in to the world of pickup was to get women as easy as possible because having women / a woman validated my confidence and I needed to feed that hunger. Without women I always thought I was nothing. This time I'm rejoining the community to mingle but its no longer about women for me its about being a better person and being happy with me as a person. I'm desperate to change for me and not for the purpose of it getting someone.

Read it / don't read it. Its just my thoughts, I have some dark, dark days ahead but I'm determined to fight this and I'm determined to become a better, stronger and happier person.
I hope I’m in good company on this site.

Man, dont be so hard on yourself. We all have ups & downs in life, we have to have low points in order to appreciate the highs, & its fighting back that shapes us.

Taking your own life means game over, finito, lights out, dont make a permanent decision for a temporary problem, things get better & you come back stronger.

Im saying this as someone who has been through a LOT of shit that less strong people couldnt have handled, i barely know how i did it, but i did.

Good lad for choosin life stick around cos you only get one shot, dont throw it away.

Time to take a good look at your life and who you are. Only then can you start to figure out what you want and how it get there.

Take it one step at a time.

Respect for posting, good you are getting the help you need.
You might find some of the stuff in here useful...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manhood-Stev...0349841&sr=8-1

Looks a good read. I'll take a look at this.

Thanks for the positivity all.