Pushing them away by being too unavailable
 

Has anyone ever found they've pushed a girl away by being too unavailable?
I was seeing someone recently who I ended up turning down for a few nights out (cos I was seeing someone else) after we were already going through the honeymoon phase.
I think this kind of pushed her away a bit or ended up just pissing them off - ironic as I was just starting to really get to like her but her mind was already made up.
Guess I shouldn't make that mistake again.
Having typed yesterday that I don't usually get dumped, this is the first time in years and it's painful! Hopefully just for a few days.

this is the worst kind. What usually happens is they want your attention so bad they end up turnin to another guy.

they then love the new found power wen u say

"Hang on but i like u"

they prefer to stay in control & thats the end of that!

u learn shit over time. dont be distant, just dont be needy

I just found it odd because she said in the beginning it was brilliant but then I pushed her away a bit too much, then we spent a few days together out and partying and then all of a sudden...bam "we're not compatible". I think I must have really pissed her off by rejecting her a few weeks back.

Anyway, I deleted her number, email, facebook, prob take a couple days to get over. The part that hurts is not being explained to I think - I hate this feeling of rejection.

Get a hooker, she won't reject you..

But seriously..

You were probably too distant.. Playing it cool too much and she's an attention ho....

Why do you feel rejected? You don't need bitchez in your life to feel validated and awesome.

You were fine before you met her, so don't let her have an impact on your feelings for long...

it's all good.. it obviously wasn't the right time for you both..

Just treat them the same way you would a mate or acquiantance.

Text them when you can/feel like it, be honest with them when you're realistically available and be consistent with it. If you're busy on another date tell them, sorry I'm out with a friend.

At the same time if you're sewing your oats you can't get upset because she went and did the same, I think it's unfair to do so. Girls do it to me all of the time so I don't get fussed unless they make a big fuss over it, at what point I cut contact...

It's more guilty than rejected I reckon. You feel like you want an explanation when things end but no-one ever gives any more than "it's not working".
TBH it was a bit messy, I was seeing someone before but let's say it hadn't totally ended when I started seeing this new girl - that's why I was distant cos I was trying to manage both my ex's feelings and the new girl at the same time. I just find it ironic, she liked me while I was more unavailable but then when I told her I couldn't go out, she started feeling rejected & losing feelings for me just as mine were growing. Mistake made, lesson learned.

I feel I've done the right thing by deleting all her contact details - should stop me from doing anything like drunk texting.

Isn't that because you don't like them enough to want to develop a relationship? I mean seriously, it's no fuss if you don't like them all that much you just move on.

I think I just feel guilty because I can see I could have made things different and been more consistent but spoilt it because of neither managing my ex's feelings nor the new girl's feelings either. It just seems strange that she spent a lot of time with me in the last few days and then ended it. Perhaps she was giving it one last shot but I suppose once your feelings have gone because the other person let you down one too many times, then it's too late.

Dude. You are seriously over analysing.

What do you mean about "managing feelings". WHAT?
What is to manage?

Your ex. Is your ex. For one (or many) reasons. Potentially your fault. Learn from it, but don't dwell.

New girl. You like her. She liked you. You obviously didn't show enough investment to suit her needs. Take from it what you will. Learn from it. Move on.

Why don't you just ASK her?

Stop blaming yourself for everything, women are complex. The more you try to understand them, the harder it becomes. Just focus on yourself and let things fall into place.

Also look at the diagram I posted somewhere else:

http://i.imgur.com/w570u.jpg

I was still living with my ex at the time so it probably wasn't the best time to start seeing a new girl - that's what I mean by managing. Didn't wanna piss of my ex because I still liked her even though it wasn't working at the time. Liked the new girl but couldn't see her much because of the ex. It's just easier 1 woman at a time for me :)

I did ask her, but she didn't really know how to explain apart from she didn't think we were compatible.
I don't think it could have gone anywhere long term so I'm not sure why I'm so cut up about it. She even had the nerve to try and kiss me on the face on the way out, to which I just avoided and closed the door. Bizarre.

I think you've written it all down there, lesson learned. You have to choose and go with it and not look back. otherwise you play the safe game and nobody is happy (hence why you have posted this thread)

Even if I have an emotional investment in a girl, if she chooses to walk on me because I don't wish to commit, am messing around elsewhere or whatever then I let her go because I would do the same if she wasn't willing to give me what I want. If anything I respect her more for it.

Though with your particular preference for girls who must meet a certain criteria of innocence and social sexuality I am surprised you would let 1 of these rarities pass if they came along...

I think I don't have quite the criteria you think or I think I do sometimes. I certainly don't want sexual inexperience. I like it when a girl knows what she wants and that includes doing things in the past that they wouldn't do again. I just find it hard to understand some things sometimes especially when you haven't done them yourself, I think that's the problem.

I just have difficulty letting go of things sometimes and yes that's a bit needy but it takes some thinking about and controlling. It's like even though I know it couldn't have worked, I have this overriding feeling to try and understand from her point of view why it wouldn't work. I think it's probably best that I deleted them off my Facebook but in the back of my head, I'm hoping they would contact me again in the future (needy). Anyway, I'm sure it'll all be sorted when I find another girl.