I have recently been dating quite a lot, at least twice a week - 4 times this week.
These are arranged via Online

I seem to have a re-occuring sticking point with women and people in general


I have been told on Many dates afterwards that they felt 'no spark'
(please note 95% of the time i do not want a relationship with these girls as they are not good enough, but i would however like to see them again to Fclose and/or have them interested in me)

So i have started asking for 'feedback' from these dates so i can address exactly what is going on.

The other night i went on a date to a bar with an Ex-Lapdancer -- she was older than i would go for (42), but she looked young for her age and was quite sexy (its great being my age 34, i can dabble in the mid 20s, 30s and 40s)

Next day got a message from her saying sparks didnt fly.
Emailed her for some feedback

this is what i got:

Cricky another interigation!!!!!Just think ya need to chill out a bit more n dont interigate ppl as much, i felt as though i was on mastermind! n i also felt a bit uncomfortable at times and that i was laughing at things on my own, n u was just studying me all the time and trying to work me out, which i can guarantee no1 will ever work me out or think they now a person, only themselves will know that.
Ya need to let ur guard down a bit n enjoy urself a little more, looked like u had a brick wall up n not even a sledge hammer would get through.
I would never feel comfortable around u, and with my friends as i feel u would b trying to work them out as well, i wouldnt bable to relax and b myself as i think u would b judging me all the time, n when ya do that all the time to ppl, they dont trust u as a person on there 1st meeting and i think trust in ppl is a top prioroty, im not saying i trust any1 at 1st, far from it, but u have to feel relaxed and not have to watch what ur doing all the time.
Im a little bit ov a live wire n i dont think u could handle me at all, u come across as a person who if they dont get there own way then u would sulk, Capricorns are very dominent ppl and like to b in control, n im afraid no1 controls me im a very independant person im afraid.
Anyway its not all that bad, mayb im being a bit picking who knows, u need to loof for a Tauras. or virgo, n if ya dont believe in the stars then thats up to u?
Good luck anyway ok, nothing lost n nothing gained.


--obviously there was a substantial intelligence gap
and throughout the date i was aware that i was not phased wether she liked me or not.
I have no problems talking and making conversation with people, dates have often said they feel like i am analysing them and like i am looking straight through them..

I need to work on not being so Aloof and standoffish, connecting with people, not being so intense.
this will benefit me throughout life in general not just women

Can anyone offer some Advice?

Like how its all your fault and not hers... interesting isn't it?

Oh yeah i havnt taken it to heart, she has been single for 10 years and in my experience lapdancers are often emotionally damaged in childhood.
I feel like i was above her level in everyway--

But that said-- i agree with her that i want to be able to Bridge the gap between me and the date more effectively -- its obviously not just about being chatty.
I DHV`d her-- i need advice on building attraction, projecting energy

Luckily for you super TED is to the rescue...

TED Talk on Connection, Vulnerability and Authenticity



The main reason why people don’t open up is because when they do, there is nothing there interesting to show. They just have a black hole in themselves their trying to fill with women; they suck as much value out of the situation as they can be because they have none of it themselves with which to share.

They don’t have anything interesting about themselves with which to express.

People don’t need to open up more. They need to grow more. You have to have fucking life you love and are proud and passionate about first before you can express your self to your best ability.

Either that or they become Mr PUA guy. Who fabricates a life for himself. He lies and bullshits and is awesome about the things he's pre prepared. That’s just like building a house on sand. He's always going fuck shit up because eventually he be thrown a question he can’t handle and he'll fall like a house of cards

Why not get the fuck out there, Do amazing stuff of quality for yourself. Not for others. Don’t do shit that’s you think girls will love because there very little of yourself you can put into it. Get fuck out and create through your passions a world you love.

If you can’t do that then you don’t deserve strippers or anything of quality.

/rant

Yes and No


I have done a lot of cool stuff in the past, somtimes i feel when i am bringing this up on dates i am alienating the date.

for instance

I have travelled round much of the world, seen wonderous things
i was a proffessional poker player and featured in the Mail on Sunday
I also danced in clubs as a podium/break dancer

Where had my date travelled?-- ibiza a couple of times
there was no comparison in any shape or form, other than her lapdancing

BUt this is the Yes bit to your post-- all that is in the PAST and i have learned to live in the NOW -- my NOW is boring -- what do i do, gym, sports, dogs - i have lost my passion in life in the NOW and that is what i am pursuing to put right - change of career etc

I dont think i can fix that with PUA etc, this is just a side hobby from a 'personal' development front.

I do feel a bit dead inside like i have lost the ability to make myself shine and let the inside come out

Call it a hunch, but I would suggest that girls on dating sites invariably are looking for a lot more than a quick F-close. They can get that any wkd they wish from the bars and clubs. I would also suggest you start raising your standards, as you say these girls you are dating are not good enough for you. You've gotta be in this game to raise the bar, not settle for what you could have got before.

Firstly, driving back in the car with some Nirvana thrashing out i was thinking about Daroods comments..

Just shooting the breeze here..(talking at myself)
Its not about what you have done, what you are doing, what you have got -- its about your state - how you FEEL inside, all living things (cells) generate an energy field
So because i am in a depressed state, unhappy in life my energy projection is low. So i am in a bad state/ low energy output/ negative
I would think maybe --and the obvious answer that you pertained to is that i must do things that make me feel positive/happy - i will then in future therfore project that energy onto my date--make her feel positive good around me

This is an interesting point that i was going to save for another topic about Online V infield Sarging

The kind of girls you meet online can be very different to girls elsewhere.
The Hot girls online get bombarded with messages - a maxpower chick i dated briefly got 25 messages perday on one site and she was on multiple sites

In realife the same hotchick would get propositioned much much much less.

Online Game 10 years ago was easy - i fucked 50+ girls only from online, some within hours of initially messaging them
Its seems much harder this time around online game-- a LOT more people are on there, the choice is phenominal for a hot chick and they end up with virtually imossible to meet standards when they date.

So the Moral of that story is for me to Get the fuck outside and sarge

You need to get the fuck out side and live.


Think of life as as energy transaction. We sustain our seleves from the nutirients of what we've eaten in the past which has a changing effect on our actions now.

But it's air we need most of all.

You cant breate the air of the past and you cant breate the air you hope to have.

Life only exists now.

(/Roody channeling Tolle it seems.)

My copy of Tolle arrived this morning from Amazon!