Friends With Benefits
 

Gotta love 'em.

I have had quite a few friends with benefits, but they never really developed into anything. Mostly because I never expect them to last more than a few months.

However I'm currently friends with benefits with an old friend of mine who has been into since like forever. But I like things to change you see. Was wondering wheter you guys could give me your two pence on the following. Much love.

We got together last summer after her break-up (yea :smokin:), and we've been going at it to this very day. We've had a few fights and "break ups" along the way, but always ended back together. I know this is a PUA forum, but I wanna try having a relationship with this one since we have incredibly a lot in common, and shes very fun to be with.

The thing is, I secretly want a relationship, but she doesn't. She asks me regularly to check that we're not going into a relationship, and I assure her that we're not (trust issues apparently). She likes things the way they are. When we're together we're sort of like a couple and do couple stuff, so I don't know why she doesn't want to hook up. It doesn't bother me much, things are cool the way they are.

Apparently she wants to enjoy her single life, which she thinks she has. :p

I'm seeing a deadlock. I'm not a pro-PUA but I would appreciate some advice about the situation so that I learn a bit from it. If this advice helps me hook up with her even better. :D

I'm guessing.....freeze out? (Or I could be a hilarious-jerk again, donno why I stopped doing that.)

I posted about creating a relationship vibe here, http://www.puaforum.co.uk/seduction-...html#post32613

u said you are already doing couple stuff anyway! Are u looking for validation from her? Be sure to not come across as needy as can reduce attraction. On other hand, if u freeze her out big style, I don't see how that communicates your relationship goal. Weird!

Instead make it awesome fun time when u are together. Memorable time together. Be the guy she wants to be with.

Are you her only friend with benefits or does she have others that you know of? Could be a largely contributing factor

Interesting way of creating a vibe, I'll be sure to try it out soon when the timing is right. If it fails I can always laugh it off.

Well yea we are doing couple stuff, but part of me wants it to be official. And it would also help to get other guys off of her, which doesn't bother me cause she ignores them since she is "with me". I want love or feelings dammit. :p Not just physical action. I'm aware of the dangers of being needy, and I'm sure I'm not coming off like that.

Rather than freeze her out I should of said make her jealous. Childish I know, but she apparently doesn't have a problem trying to make -me- jealous.

I'm the only one. She's not the run around with guys type. She even came to me all sad once and confessed that she made out with another guy whilst drunk and felt that she cheated on me even though we're just friends.

Not jealous, but what you should do is to make her think that she wants to be part of your life. Eliminate all needy attitude, and show that your whole life is interesting and does not orbit around her. Then she will want to be part of it.

You need to show that you're more than a giant plug (which is actually what you want to achieve, I know). Show some scarcity from your side, but keep the interaction going. If you completely freeze her out imho it won't do any good, since you guys are already fuckbuddies.
You're not trying to create attraction, you're trying to create feelings and it's a completely different thing...

In other words show that I have a very busy yet interesting life. To be honest thats what I constantly am trying to do, but putting an extra effort into won't hurt I guess. This should be interesting. :clapclap:

Nice, thanks for the help guys. Will publish a field report if things go well.

Hey pal

I tried this with my ex girlfriend. We started out as friend's with benefits and I thought I could be cunning and allow her to develop feelings for me. I played the "What would you define as a relationship? Cos if you think about it, two people spending time with each other and being committed to one another is a relationship, so out of ease i'm just gonna say you're my girlfriend as its just a word and changes nothing" and she agreed.

However, she was saying she didn't want a relationship for a reason and that reason was mentally she wasn't prepared to commit and put the effort in required for a relationship to allow it to flourish and develop and was constantly conflicted. You'll set yourself up for a world full of hurt if you try and force her pal. We might be able to attract women and perhaps influence women, but we can't control their thoughts and feelings, at the end of the day, we're only human and not all powerful.

This whole thing is a BS sham, you are doing boyfriend/girlfriend things together which instantly blows the friends with benefits thing out the water.
now with that fixed in our minds lets roll...
You want a relationship with her--she is happy to carry on with this pseudo relationship and it sounds like you are the needy jeleous one.
You need to esablish if she is fking anyone else or dating other guys-- but dont bring it up in a needy desperate kind of way, tell her afterwards that you are getting offers but dont want to see anyone else as you enjoy being with her.

now ideally we have established that-- she isnt shagging any other guys and she isnt dating other guys. (if she is doing both then you are in a no-win situation)

I personally would then just be honest with her and say that-- you are both virtually a couple anyway and you would like to be exclusive with her and see what happens.

if she blows you off - then walk, its a gamble but you are in an unhealthy relationship emotionally for you--its turning you into a little needy jeleous bitch.

give her a couple of weeks of no contact other than maybe the odd small talk txt.
hopefully when she is starved of those coupley things you did together and she is in bed at night thinking-- she may just come round to you and give a relationship a try.

If not.. it IS for the best and you need to move on.

Funny isn't it? Men have the stereotype of not being able to commit, but reality is somewhat different.

You could just give her an ultimatum.