Hi,

I have posted in this forum about this girl on many occasions because of my trust issues with her - my gut was constantlly calling out alarms on a daily basis.

i have been trying to get past them but they never went away - i just learned to live with them because many ppl have said ur prob wrong etc and i thought so too cos she used to be so nice to me and i thought im gonna screw this up over nothing.

anyway turns out they wernt wrong at all...

some background...

we was together a year and one month until earlier tonight i dumped her.

(this is gonna be a VERY long post btw so be warned lol)




my trust issues came from this...

1) very early on in the relationship a guy added me and told me she had been saying she wud fuck him even tho she had a bf - and showed me the log - i had no idea if this was before or after we got together so i left it - but it did set up doubt from this point forwards - looking back i shud have backed out here or the next thing but i didnt)

2) about 3 months into our relationship cos of my lack of trust and my gut feeling i snooped on her emails and found out she had sent her ex bf a very bad pic of her cleavege - and lied about it until i showed her the proof i had (yeah i shudnt have snooped but i just knew something was up and i had to know one way or the other - i wanted her to be innocent but she wasnt)

she was full of sorrys and promised never to make such a mistake again (because she wudnt risk her relationship)

she cut contact with him for a long time after this and all was well...

but they started getting in contact again recientlly and so it all flared up again - although i didnt tell her - i said i was ok with it and i was to a certain extent cos he did seem different

but then the gut feeling came back and i sensed something wasnt right - esp since she has another ex who i never had a problem with but i got a bit worred because the day he split with his gf she went really distant with me and it was just mad timing...

so i snooped again - and this time i couldnt beleve what i was seeing...

im gonna show you in a minute - but before i do some things she has said....

1) that they really are just friends and he wud never try anything with her

2) she just doesnt see him that way any more.

this is not the case as you will now see - my comments will be in (brakets)...

(she has also been telling me her distance was due to tiredness and i had started to beleve that)

also when me and him are on msn at the same time - she will say 2 words to me then go chat to him for ages - i thought ok cool if hes just a friend thats what friends do sometimes u just chat about everything)

ok here is the main parts of the logs - this is just from about a week... and all i have...

she is clearly not over this guy and likes him at the expense of what we (had) she told me she just wants her best friend back and i understood that - stupid lol cos she told me herself she keeps asking to see him...

this is in chronoligacal order but i have left any 'normal chat' out

it gets worse as it goes on...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOG FROM: 13th oct 2010 - 17th oct 2010


HER: week off next week

(why the wink?)

HIM: Im tired

HER: aww
hehe bedtime?
:P
remember? (remember our bedtimes?)

HIM: night then

HER: oh your going? (she never puts sad face when i go anymore and she used to all the time)

HIM: yeah tired hun

HER: oh ok
night then i spose x

HIM: back and forth
to and fro

HER: erm
naughty

HIM: gosh
yes
very

HER: bit of willy jazz
hahahaaa

HER: u still sexin her?
HIM: yeah of course
they're good to bury face into

HIM: or you know... shagging

HER: yeh i dont rele wanna kno ta
bloimey
tmi! (why ask then it obv made her jealous)

HIM: but they're not all that

HER: i prefer mine personally (draws attention to her boobs)

------ she changes her name here to: p.s i'm still not over u lalala lala (with music notes around it)--------

HER: ur silly
my tongue hurts

HIM: why?
you got it peirced?

HER: YEH
ages ago

HIM: so ya know...
does it?

HER: so ya kno wat
yeh

HIM: yeah what?
HER: u kno

HIM: i wouldn't know
u will have to demonstrate

HER: yeh (BITCH! lol)

HIM: ?
you're still not over me? oh no

HER: its not about you

HIM: ''ooh it's just a song i like''

HER: i just rele like the song

HER: not EVERYTHINGS about u lol
:P

HIM: but that is
we'll never be over each other

HER: excuse me?

HIM: you heard

HER: haa u make us sound like ross and rachel

HIM: yeah similar

HER: gay face (in a friendly way - she also has this same pet name for me)

HIM: we should be ya know... FBs

HER: no lol

HIM: *pokes willy in bum*
:O
hahaha

HER: ruuude

***changes her name to: coz when im with him i'm thinkin of you, thinkin of you, what you would do if you were the one spendin the night (with music notes) not even half an hr later ***

HER: (with music notes) u spin my head right round wen u goo down

HIM: hehe u thinking of me when you're with him

HER: not everything applies to u

HIM: it clearly does

HER: how did u work tht one out?

HIM: obvious

HER: wats it to u neways (pissed off cos she knows he dont want her really)

*** has changed his/her status to Appear Offline *** (think i was talking to her at the time and she said she has to go)

**** he sends a pic of himself here without being asked ****

HER: i miss henry huggles (cuddles) (wow!)

***************this is where it gets bad*****************

HER: im so tiired

HIM: well you get some sleep then baby

HER: i wont sleep yet tho
my minds still live and kickin

HIM: what you think about baby?

HER: you

HIM: what bit?

HER: all the bits

HIM: well don't
we're just mates now (he had to tell her?! how bad is that)

HER: haha :P
annd ur a lesbian

HIM: bed time

HER: okies

HIM: hehe you mean if i was spending the night (about her name)

HER: and? (means and what else?)

HIM: hehe

HER: *sigh* (cos he didnt say and sex - or cos he cant be there)

HIM: often its about me

HER: not often

HIM: u put butter on your boobs, i lick it off

HER: :O henry!

HIM: hehe

HER: shocking

HIM: naughty

HER: massive willy

HIM: huge
9 inches

HER: henry!
goodness
its as big as a wind turbine

HIM: yea

HER:
good stuff

HER: hahaahaha he likes it on all fours

HIM: rude

HER: its good
do you remember the last time?

----- some normal crap... ---------

HER: so when you coming to see me?

HIM: Prob when i get my new bike

HER: you have like a 100 bikes haha

HIM: their not suitable - i havnt got a big bike atm

HER: for your sizable willy?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah as u can see i am NOT happy

i woudld never have talked to any girl like this while i was with her - esp an ex - and esp since she saw how much it nearly destroyed me last time

anyway tho soon as i read this all feelings for her instantlly vanished into thin air - all i have now is anger and disbelif

i do have some questions tho....

I txt her straight after saying "its over"

then again saying these...

(these are prob a bit AFC but i wasnt thinking right)

"and henry's dead" (the guy lol)

"after everything ive done for you how could you"

then i tried to call her for ages and ages im not sure if she was just aslep and cudnt hear it or just wasnt answering anyway i then txt...

"im not gonna shout at you i just wanna talk"

then LOADS more of call trying - no way is she not hearing it now she obv just aint answering

"answer the phone"



i wasnt calling to get back with her tho - i just wanted an explaination

i still do really...

must have tried calling her literlly 50 times and then just stoped and aint txt or called since (its only the same day tho)

basiclly i wanna know what u think - im justified dumping her right? lol

also i still want this explaination - i was gonna just go turn up at her house tommorow armed with my proof and make her face me for what she has done - i think she is getting off way too lightly otherwise

also i owe her mum money and her mum gave me a free brand new bike today - her mum has been nothing but nice to me so i still wanna pay her back - after all it aint her who has done anything wrong

i was gonna go there monday if i dont turn up tommorow to go give her mum the money and 100% blank my ex even if she tries to talk to me.

this might all seem petty but she hasnt just done wrong but REALLY wrong esp to make me tortue myself all this time thinking it was all in my head - and nearly left me many times cos i "accused her when she wasnt doing anything" - she doesnt deserve to just get away with it

so what do you all think of it all and what i wanna do about it? i am not even considering getting back with her - she had a chance after before and blew it big time - and i could never trust her again now.

she is gonna try all sorts of excuses like it was just in a joking way etc etc - but if that was the case why lie? and it dont seem very joky to me - its clear she wants him


lol sorry this was a book but there was a lot to say

thank you if you have got this far and let me know - thanks for replying - oh and btw im not even hurting (yet) just got so much anger in me - but id never do anything physical to anyone - even tho i know i said he's dead.

thank you again

Timez

Hey Timez

Its good that you followed your gut feeling. It might not seem like it now but you have learned a lot from this.

I agree with Kowalski. The only explanation is weakness on her part. The more you try looking for an explanation the more disappointed you will be because I suspect she doesn't know or would lie anyway.

I think trying to make her "face you for what she has done" might be a quick temporary fix however can you trust what she is going to say?

If you owe her mum money then still be respectable on your part and pay it back or return the bike. When you go over to pay for the bike you can still be polite to your ex like say hello but leave it at that. She is not worth anything more than that. If you do end up speaking with her bear in mind that it is easy to lash out and say something just to get back at her but it doesn't solve anything in the long run. Your trust in her has been broken but you still have Pride and Dignity. Be strong!

If you're feeling angry join a Martial arts class, or gym. Harness this anger into something productive.

This event has now given you an opportunity.
You have seen you were in the wrong relationship.
You are now free to find someone else.
You have learnt to trust your instinct.

B rad

here here i agree 100% with kowalski and B.rad

weve all been there mate....

Hey the guys (K, B Rad) are right mate. I didnt bother reading the whole log, it is just making me cringe that a girl can behave like that although she is seeing someone else i,e. you. To be honest, you need to stand up, grow some balls and ditch her which I think you have done so. No contact. Move on...life is good without bitches like that!

ty for your comments

well i still want her to face me - its not about the explaination - its about that she will have to be with me face to face and have to feel the guilt... i dont care if she says - i had to cos the moon was full lol - its just about the actual having to see me after this.

as for the being polite - she dont deserve me to waste my breath on her - ive been nothing but nice to her and held this relationship together no matter what.

least it would all make me feel better she deserves whats coming to her lol

yeah im still paying her mum back - it wasnt for the bike - she just gave me it cos it was sitting around - so im keeping it - after all it aint me who screwed up.

again thank you

timez

EVERYONE IS RIGHT... BANG ON..

GET RID OF THE NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE AND MOVE ON..

Ive said it before and ill say it again... girls are so socially conditioned now to think its cool to be a slag,a bitch, blah blah

Youve got that Katie Price and Jade Goodey to thank for that...

I wish Katie Price would go the same way as Goodey

I got really into reading the HER/HIM conversation just then. I'd recommend getting into pua, sounds like a horrible pedastalling one-itis situation. Jealousy etc feels so shit and is such a waste of time.

Hey Tebbs,

You are not the only one on earth ever been cheated. I've gone thru similar experience 2 yrs back. And I could never find the reason why she had dumped me. Initially, I had also had the similar state of mind, trying to call her innumerable times, texting her but never got a single reply, not even a shit alibi. I was always nice to her (well,definition of being nice may vary). So wanted to ask her the big "WHY?"..But you know, with times I learned to live with it..The existance of her slowly got faded away.
Your post reminded me of my past. When I look back in retrospect, I think there is no better way than to forget and moving on..No explation can make you feel better than this..So don't allow your brain to get filled with some motherfucking explanation and you analyzing over and over yet.

I treated the incidence as a valued lesson learnt, not to trust people on their face.

Salom

Is it just me that thinks he should hit it off with her mother?

But man, seriously chuck her out of your life. The only thing you have done wrong is text her that its over. You should have rung her. told her that she needs to come over and finished it. I personally think its weak, i've done it myself and felt weak. You learn from mistakes, take this as a mistake and keep on moving on.

lee

Hey Timez,

This hasnt happened to me before so I can't speak from experience but heres my two cents.

The whole thing was AFC material, you found out she's cheating so what? Your too busy having a good time to care right? Your acting waaaay too needy! Girls dont want the guy where its really important to him, they want the guy who's chill. Are you being chill and cool? Seems like your being needy and who wants to be with a guy like that. You know there are 3 billion girls out there right? Forget about this one.