Ex advice what would you do to re-attract
 

My ex is 13 years younger than me, I'm 40.
We broke up a year ago. She's still married but separated, and has a kid.
I have her number but she deleted and blocked me I think. I have her work email address. I know where she lives.
When we broke up she said she stopped feeling anything for me - which in PUA language means she lost respect because I acted negative and weak over a few months, - but before that she was head over heels for me.
I don't know if I should email her just keeping it friendly and asking for some information relating to our jobs, just one or two lines keeping very neutral. Then if she replies just say thanks and leave it. Then she might feel like I'm not interested in her anymore because I didn't try to ask anything else of her to do with us and our relationship. Then after a month I could email again and say i've been thinking and would love to catch up for a coffee, and go from there.
Obviously the best way would be to bump into her somewhere and seduce her in person but without stalking her or something that ain't gonna happen as we live in London.
Wondering if anyone has any tips? I do realise it's a very long shot.

Don't do this.
How many girls you chatted so far this month?


Peace,

kowalski

Hey Kowalski

I know i have one-itis. I've gone out a few times daygame and in the night and chatted to lots, maybe 20 sets over the past 30 days. I see it as practice for when the opportunity to meet my ex arises again.

Her last memories of me before we split were of a weak guy doing poorly in life and negative about things. I am now doing much better and am beating back the depression everyday. I am on the up.

I think I have 2 choices here, seeing as it is about building value and respect again 1) 'engineer' a bumping into her, which I have no idea how to do, 2) email her at work, saying that I'm now working with an ex-colleague of hers whcih reminded me of her and then ask an inoccuous question to do with professional issues - then if she replies don't push for anything, a simple hope you're well, thank you.

I realise it's a very long shot. I realise I am wasting so much time on this one and has been months without any action. But I was never happier in my whole life than when with this one.

If you had to try for this one, what would you do? Don't say "I wouldn't"!:pound:

I definitely wouldn't. The most I allow myself to think about my exes is that I'd like to bang them again and sometimes that has happened and they know that's my only interest in them (well, some of them make good chat too but chat is foreplay).

I know she's not that hot, man. Sorry, but your ex is average at best. If you were the type of guy who got hot girls, you wouldn't be here asking what you are asking.

Step 1.
Tell us about all the bad times in detail.
Then tell us everything that you find unattractive about her.
Then tell us what you truly hate about her.


Peace,

kowalski

Thanks for your replies Kowalski and Jaz.

She was very very hot to me dude. And my game was good when I got her originally, then I dipped completely. She's my Ariana Grande.

Ok here goes

1. Her mood being up and down despite me being super nice to her and funny etc.; Her not texting me for days and saying no to me when I asked her to go do stuff; her going out with her mates and not telling me where she was going and being secretive; her talking about how she fancied other blokes while with me at dinner; her denying we ever did kinky stuff in the bedroom as if we never had sex; her treating me like I am disposable to her; her showing me no respect; her not valuing my experience in the world; her disregarding my opinions; her not finding anything I would say or do as funny; her disagreeing with more or less everything I would say; her picking me up and putting me down whenever she wanted; her not letting me get to know her son; her making me feel like I was a secret in her life; her shitty behaviours; her leaving photos of her husband up when we first started going out.
2. What I found unattractive - nothing really. some of her tattoos are quite cheap looking. She is generally a bit trashy but I'm attracted to that.
3. I truly hated the way she treated me. I truly hated the way she would arrange to go out with mates instead of me and not invite me or tell me where she was going and not even ring or text me when out.

All in all now that I think about it I was used to wipe the floor, in fact used to clean the shit off her toilet.

The thing is, when I was with her sometimes we could be so close or she could be very clingy then all of a sudden the opposite. I think she was a mess.

But I put all of this shittiness down to the change in terms of how she valued me. At the start she did everything on my terms and when we would meet she would be all over me hugging for hours and asking me questions non-stop at 4am. I guess my value was up and my game was good. But then things deteriorated fast and it was a very difficult downhill slope. She stranded me 6 hours away once leaving me to make my own way back because she was in a mood.

But I'd give it all to see her smile once again. Maybe i'm :der:

Yes you're a bit :der:

Take no offence, but at 40 aren't you a little old to be getting on like a love-struck teenager, about a girl who's 13 years your junior?

This post almost reminds me of the reason I initially came on this forum. I was in a similar situation, more complex than yours but the bottom line is I know how it can feel to be cut up over that one girl. But time, massive action in terms of self-improvement, and a lot more girls makes it all better eventually.

I did however, pack my shit up and moved 50 miles away. So you might want to consider that. Best thing I've ever done.

Well that's how I feel. I am aware to some people it might seem a bit pathetic. I hear what you're saying about maxing up on the self-improvement - I've been trying, wish I could just have the balls to approach a woman with no care about social embarrassment if rejected. A woman pushed by me today with huge knockers and she was hot, about a 7, and all I could muster was "Jesus". She kept looking at me then afterwards maybe she was scared!
I did try moving away and then lost it, went and got a job here specially to come try with her but haven't had the balls in 5 months to make contact.
There are so many hot women here. I'm gonna get back on Tinder and try get a few dates. Also going out this Saturday so going to try chat to a few ladies.

Ever have another guy take your woman from you? That's what I'm sure happened here. Some chump kept picking away at her in her work everyday and then she eventually broke. I'd like to kick his ass.

Sorry dude I'm gunna hit you hard here but reading your last post was the neediest and most pussy fucking thing ever.

Be a man for fucks sake.

How far did you move that time?

Yes, that's where I'm going.

Well I moved not far, albeit to a different country lol but didn't settle there and couldn't make any opportunities.

I went out this weekend and got 3 numbers. Felt out of place at times as feeling old but at least I tried. On the downside was I needed a lot of alcohol to approach the women. One was cutish but anyones. The second one was a bit messed up in the head and voluntarily grabbed my phone and put her number in. The third one was hot and we have a good bit in common but the only one that didn't text back.

I emailed the ex on Friday and nothing today, I'm guessing I won't even get the opportunity to be in touch with her. I have her phone number but I am blocked I think.

Damn i feel your pain, if you are white dude just approach any oriental girl you will hit the jackpot.

Well it's ended ina big fuckng car crash. I worked up the balls to phone her and when I did she heard my voice and started saying get lost or she'll bring harassment charges. Feel like a total weirdo now and a loser. I don't think I desrved that. We hadn't talked for a year, I sent an email a few weeks ago but didn't hear anything so presumed it didn't get there (I wasn't sure of the address), but the animosity over the phone was terrible. I thought we had a bond and at least a friendship. In a bit of a state of shock now but I guess I have an answer.

Neither of you are good bf/gf material for anyone right now.

Her being so blunt with you might help you to make the clean cut you need to make. Be thankful for a lesson learned cheaply.

Now - plan.

Plan to have a skill and live in a place, or whatever complex of things it is for you.


Peace,

kowalski

Thanks Kowalski, what do you mean by have a skill and live in a place - do you mean just get settled for a bit. It would be nice to build something.

She really caught me by surprise on the call, wasn't expecting the anger at all. Maybe in future I should just tell someone to F.Off if they take that tone with me. Funnily enough later that evening I got an unknown call from someone who just said nothing and then hung up. Likely to be her. Don't know why she would have. Maybe wanting to choose the right number to delete and block.

Maybe I do need to go and work on myself now. I might try to get PUAing in London if anyone was around.

If she does call again, that probably means she feels remorse for acting that way, and might actually allow me to have a chance - should I just be trying to banter or should I act mad as if I'm annoyed for her conduct when I called.

Aw what am I saying, as if it would happen. Need to go on a few more dates and get planning something.

By that I meant - plan something that is complex not simple. Complex meaning consisting of two or more parts.

So live in a place and have a skill is an example of a minimal complex goal (maybe you want to live in Australia and surf = live in a place and have a skill). Or another example, own a thing and change how I respond to x (maybe you want to own a Ducati and be less anxious about your annual review).

I didn't read beyond the word she.


Peace,

kowalski

For fucks sake man, let it go and let her go.

You hadn't talked to her for a year before you phoned her. Do you know how many girls you could have went out and kissed or got intimate with in that time? Loads. Absolutely loads.

So stop moping around and do something else. This is a harsh response, but I feel I'm entitled to give this harsh response because I've not only been though a somewhat similar situation, but an overall more serious and complex experience than you, and I got through it.

I did get through it though, by being a strong motherfucker and taking responsibility for my future. Something along the lines of what Kowalski has said to you.

So it's time to man up.

She got in touch with me and I asked her to marry me, she said yes!

No.. I mean I rang her again and then the cops rang me and told me to cease and desist... would be more likely :/

Well I'm leaving the country in 3 weeks now. Have enrolled on a course for a few years which will set me up with skills. I'm old but fuckin need to man up and face my shit every day and keep rolling.

I'm focussing on a bad picture I have of her now everytime she pops into my head, it's working a little bit. Still in shock a bit as to why she was such a cunt to me. What can I do. Wish I could find out why she is so angry and do something about it but can't. Feel like hiring a private detective or something.

What's there to do but try to give someone else a chance. How the fuck will I ever get another hot chick when I've become not only a chump but an old chump now :( Need to get practicing and cut out watching porn I think.

Don't hire nobody. You said you're old (you're not really) so don't waste any more time on this, or her.

Do what you're doing, moving away is the greatest advice I have for anyone in a similar situation. Changed my life more than I ever expected.

Your mind is still revolving around her and her life, what she's doing and why. It ain't your job to "give someone else a chance", quit with that BS thinking - it's yourself you need to give a chance.

You've already taken the first steps, so keep it up.