gents,

not entirely sure this is pickup related... but it definately is social related and, well the big names on this forum and the not so big names help me a lot with girl related problems, perhaps you may help me with a dude related one?

in short,

im out of touch with a friend.. .the thing is im not sure if he is actually my friend anymore...???

its strange as it seems like our friendship has just dissipated, and i cannot pinpoint exactly, where, why or how this has happened?? or what exactly i should do?... im starting to doubt myself and think what i may have done wrong...?

The guy and i were until recent very good mates, we were in a band together (related story) and would often sarge together... me with my tactical routines and him with his natural game... and we usually had varying levels of success, but shared quite a few results for the highlight reel.

now, in a period of 3 months or slightly more, we just arent talking.

i have speculated how this has happened, but i canot help myself but notice that it started when he got his girlfriend. (who was a result of one of my openers)... anyways, ever since, he's gradually come out less and less...
what you might be thinking now is... 'well isnt this to be expected of a guy with a new gf?' ... however, it just seems, through what ive seen on facebook... that he is going out, but just not with me??? cannot understand why?!

one scenario as an example... i phoned him up and asked him what he was doing on a saturday night... he said 'ah just me and Ryan are having a jam (guitar)' i proceeded to invite him out anyways...

however he unconvincingly said maybe, but he never came out, and i knew that...

anyways, whats annoying me, is how there was a time when he would either say 'yes, im coming out etc etc' or... he'd say 'were having a jam, come along too bring some beers etc etc' (i play bass) anyways... he did neither, there was no invite.... for me!

one reason i thought was the cause of this was our band (ex band). We were in a band, however, i seem to have een sly-ly pushed out of it, without being told...

its a different story, which i can elaborate on if you wish, but in short... basically, he started another band with our drummer and a new singer, who we originally auditioned to be in our band... however its now their band and i wasnt invited to join, which i think is just not cricket... especially when it was all done without my knowledge, and the ending of our current band, wasnt announced or talked about by either me, him or our drummer at the time....

anyways its a different story but i thought it might be behind it...

so, i confronted him about it... i called him up and said about how i was dissappointed the way he went about excluding me, and that i expected better of him!

i then went on to say though, how i wasnt going to let the band thing affect our friendship so we could still be mates... he agreed!

i then invited him out for the following saturday which was my last weekend before going to america and travelling around for a few weeks because of work! he knows this was important to me, and he said yes... however on the dayhe text and said 'il try and make it later, after my meal'.... which i KNEW meant he wasnt coming... and i was right, he didnt come!

this annoyed me, and now im at a point, where i am trying to salvage a valued friendship, however his conduct and attitude is making me more and more reluctant to try and mend things.... i've invited him out, told him il let the band thing slide, and been very reasonable... but he just isnt making any effort with me!... its really frustrating as i really want to know what is behind this change in him and what i may have done to inspire it... if anything!?

i've racked my brains and cannot find anything that could have made him behave like this... all my other friends are completely indifferent, there is no change anywhere else, only between the two of us....

im thinking about what else there is i can do?

or.. do i just call it a day... ive made an effort, and if hes not prepared to meet me halfway, is it worth it?

lost on ths one lads.

Picard.

From what it looks like (although I can't say for sure just theorizing) he associates being single and going out and meeting women with you but that part of his life is over now as he has a girlfriend. He might be embarrassed about his involvement with pick up and doesn't want anyone to know about it.

As for the band thing they can be like relationships or families and it's really hard to leave one or change around who's in it. I was in a band for years and I stayed in it for about a year or two longer than I had wanted to because I didn't want to be the one to break it up.

He's probably being chodey about it, ask him to go somewhere or some other place he doesn't associate with meeting women and he might come out with you. If not just tell him he's out of order and if he still wants friendship it's up to him to arrange something because you've tried and he's been a dick about it so you don't need someone like that in your life.

I had a really good friend of mine who, we used to do everything together, go on nights out getting hammered, play golf, go shooting pool etc etc since he got a gf and moved in together I have seen a lot less of him. I know he goes out and does couple stuff and he even stays home and let's his gf go out on nights out. He has changed because of this. He is still and will always be the person I know and respect, but I accept that I will more than likely never have another night out with him becuase what he wants out of life has changed. What hasn't changed is that I am his friend and will contiune to be.

Retro

first of all, i just want to say thankyou gents, your replies have been very helpful.

about the PUA thing... he's never been an 'active PUA' ... although he has used routines, lines and sarged, without labelling it 'sarging' or 'PUAing' or whatever you call it... so his viewpoint on that side of things is completely different to mine.



this is where i'm at right now. I have tried and i dontt hink its my duty to 'chase around' after people trying to make them my friends... thats not my style, neither is it really acceptable in any friendship in my opinion!

Still this is my course of action, im just going to leave it, and hope that in his own time he comes around... who knows, perhaps when said-relationship is over, or cooled down, he'll start coming out and about again....with me.




oh and btw Tom, as a fellow guitarist, i might PM you about the whole band thing... to get your opinion on it, as i think i was pretty harshly done to tbf!... thats if u like!?

Cheers again lads!

Picard.

This is the position you need to take. It takes two to tango... or be friends. You will meet new friends Picard, there's no need to be precious about one of them.