Hanz, I'm concerned that you've not quite grasped the 'bros before hos' thing here. I think you want to believe it, but I don’t think you actually do believe it.

There's nothing wrong with liking a girl that your friend is into. We can't pick and choose who we like. The crux of the matter emerges when it comes to acting on it.

I’m not convinced at all by this, and actually think it’s a load of rubbish. You chose to flirt with her, for your own benefit. Don't excuse it as representing an opportunity for practice, and don’t abdicate responsibility for your actions. You didn't have to flirt with her. You chose too. Take ownership of that decision, because it was a decision you made.

Later on, your friend says to you ‘You’re a dick for flirting with her’. You respond: ‘I was only practicing’. Is this a reasonable answer? No? Of course it isn’t.

Take responsibility for your actions.

If you value your friendship with this feller, then speak to him about it and tell him what’s happening. He might tell you that he'd rather you backed off her altogether. Then: is it bro's, or is it ho's? And when is a bro a bro? If you value your friendship with this person, then you will respect his wish that you back off, if indeed that's what his wish is.

So, he isn’t a bro? Do you think you have any loyalty to him?

…which was that you have loyalty to your ‘friend’, and wish not to make a move on his woman… But then to continue to flirt with her, and then ask yourself whether it is AFC to believe in ‘bros before hos’? There is more than a dose of uncertainty here in whether you really do stand by the ‘bros before hos’ concept.

Its one or the other – it can’t be both. Which is it? Only you can answer that.

I further think you don’t quite get (or, perhaps, don’t quite believe in) the ‘bros before hos’ thing after having read the following contradiction in your post:

If you don't value your friendship with this person (not all male to male relationships have to be valued, remember), then feel free to act any way you wish. You will have made a decision to accept the consequences in terms of your friendship with this feller, whatever they may turn out to be.

If you do value your friendship with this person, then sit down with him and explain to him how you feel. The value of your friendship comes in telling him that you don’t wish to harm your friendship, and therefore if it is his wish that you back off (and thus no longer flirt with his woman), then you will do.

Worried that this approach might mean you’ve got to back off from a woman you like? That’s the risk you take, and the variable in whether you take it or not depends on how much you value your friendship with your flatmate.

I sense that flirting openly with this girl, in front of him, has already made it pretty clear where you are in relation to the ‘bros before hos’ thing: in this case, the ho is coming first. There’s nothing wrong with that – its your decision. And maybe he isn’t a bro in the first place.

If you do value your friendship with him, however, then you haven’t done a great deal to demonstrate it.

You definitely left me with more questions than answers!

What a detailed and well thought through response - I wasn't expecting anything so in-depth. Thanks for your effort. You make some excellent points which have really caused me to re-evaluate myself.

I feel I should remind you that there is two types of flirting: Flirting with intent and flirting without. Ever since this guy first kissed this girl - as far as I was concerned she was off the cards. Ever since then I have only flirted without intend. I flirt with all my female friends who have boyfriends that are bros: it is harmless fun. (but then I may need to reconsider this if I am learning to flirt more effectively)

It stopped becoming harmless when I discovered she was flirting with intent. I could have backed off faster when I discovered this, I didn't, and I feel a bit shit about that. (Well I did: I don't feel so bad right at the moment - I am more pissed off at both of them).

With regards as to weather he is a bro or not: The case is: not. He is not a bro. If he was a bro I would be comfortable talking to him about his relationship: I am not. But that doesn't make him a no-one who I can screw over either. He is a nice guy and I get on with him. We could probably become bros if we got to know each other better, but we are not there yet.

So basically in summary: I could have fucked his "girlfriend" and I didn't because I am a nice guy: case closed! (And fuck them both for putting me in this awkward situation)

it seems as it stands youve made the right choice


i was a little concerned initially, but what Covert said was pretty much spot-on, and your re-evaluation looks solid!

So good experience, and decision. And of course valuable information for the forum!

Cheers.

Pic.

Of course, Bro's before ho's. It's easy to say and easy to agree with on an intellectual level...

However, most pua's start "gaming" any hot girl they see right away, even if she's with a friend of theirs. It's like a sick habit. I've done that shit myself in the past. It just stems from needyness... and from one's ever expanding ego. And maybe, it's just a force of habit, lol.

We just have to control ourselves and get our priorities straight. Women ain't worth all that.

I always put my close friends before anyone (sometimes even myself) they are always there for me when I need them as I am for them. I would never let a girl disrupt my friendship as someone said on here girls will come and go but your friends will be there for you through thick and thin and it isn't worth jeopardizing that for nothing. Well in my opinion anyway.