Hey,

I need help FAST!!! I have just spent the last 5 months in Afghanistan and I have come home with a lot of testosorone, and in the need of a lady or two. However I have been out twice now, and I have had no success. The reason is I have lost all confidence to approach and dance, and dont seem to have any social skills. The reason is because I have spoken to the same guys for 5 mnths, and am not used to speaking to anyone else and all I have to talk about is work!! Any suggestions???

Thanks

Troy

I don't disagree with Jaz here, a release would do you good but will not necessarily solve the AA you're experiencing.

You need to get out and bust it hard, make approaches to get yourself back in a social state of mind, only by being in social situations will you get those social skills back. As Jaz said, hit up the wingman section and get out with some of the guys here, with like-minded guys at your side the AA and these issues are much easier to beat.

You have an army (harhar) of stories you can use to DHV through talking about work, girls love a guy in uniform, use it to your advantage.

The solution to this is a pretty plain one: You just need to gather up your courage, and begin approaching again. Its like riding a bike - once you jump back in the saddle, your feet will find the pedals quick enough. Its the getting back in the saddle bit that's tricky.

Get a wing, and head out with one single canned opener on your lips ready to go. It doesn't have to be spectacular. It can be anything.

Your mission that night is to open 5 sets and then eject. That's it. Approach, open, eject. 5 times.

And do it again the next night. And the next. And quickly enough, you'll remember how to use those social muscles and you'll begin to develop again.

Like Jaz says, jump in the deep end and you'll remember how to swim quick enough.

guys, thanks for the replies, i am going is week with the aim of approaching to go out everyday this week and approach 5 girls just to build my confidence back up!
cheersa

Hi Troy,

Firstly, I was chatting to a guy i know about 12 months ago who is a marriage/relationship consultant and he was saying that he was amazed that he meets people who go into danger area's (iraq, Afgan) or who are in the forces, yet when it comes to relationships there confidence is almost none existent. So you are not alone!

Confidence actually doesn't exist, its just familiarity and your ego playing games with you. If you look at it logically what's the worst possible thing that could happen to you if you walk up to a girl... She tell's you to fuck off! compared to where you have been and what you have done this is the smallest insignificant thing ever. The worst for me was a guy ran over and head butted me and shouted that it was "his girl", but that hasn't put me off as the girl in question looked like she was having a shit night and all i'd done was say hi!.

So yeah, jump in, you'll be amazed what you can ACTUALLY say to a woman on a night out vs what you THINK you can say, and doing it regularly, brings familiarity, ergo people say you are confidant.

Enjoy

Retro

I think just being sociable in general will help, get out there and meet people even if they're blokes or girls you don't fancy. Even chit chat to a shop assistant just to ease you in, hope it goes well dude

loads of advice, but i failed today apart from one shop assistant i didnt achieve anything

Troy, I think you're looking at things in the wrong light.

Stop being so negative towards yourself, we know you're frustrated but getting angry and flustered over this is only going to further drive down your confidence and have a negative influence on your game.

Step back, take a deep breath and slow down. Take a look at what you DID achieve, look at the positive aspects of your interactions and remind yourself to do more of that.

Relax dude, if you're completely pent up and going crazy over all of this you're definitely going to be sending out negative vibes, just go out and try to make everyone around you enjoy themselves as much as possible, make people want you around more, make them like you. If you can make a person like you then you have already won half the attraction battle, all you need to do after that is sexualise, flirt and play games.

Above all, calm down and accept that there might not be an easy and quick fix.

OK i'll tell you how bad i was at the start... i ended up having to ring call centre's (my bank, credit cards etc) to try and make myself have a conversation other than "can you tell me what my balance is", before i even started saying have a longer conversation than normal to someone in a store, and then saying hi to random people etc.

Don't put any value on what you are doing... so if you say you failed apart from one shop assistant. What is it you were looking to do? If it was just stop her, either say hi or ask her about something, then you might have done that, but if your expecting to number close immediately, then you will never achieve that. Small steps

Retro

I think you need to give yourself some credit you've come from a stressful environment with very little female contact. Even the best of us would find it hard but you're out there trying so kudos for that and don't think of it as failure you only fail when you give up but you haven't.

Try and keep yourself active and engaged in new things, that way you'll meet women and when you do talk to people you'll have things to talk about because you've been out there experiencing all these things.