So this is something i am currently deliberating.

I have always been fairly cocky. before my last GF i smashed it. I would just say "right, You are cumin to get fucked." and it worked, A lot.

Now in the period i got a bird i really got stuck into the gym. we finished earlier in the year and i have since looked in boss shape, had a fair few girls approaching me.. all good.... However.

It seems like being cocky when looking in good shape has this weird opposite effect. Its like when i be the same version of myself I've always been I'm now seen as arrogant.... its fucking bizarre...

i suppose if u look at girls...

A mediocre girl acts mega sure of herself its attractive.

A super hot girl does it she is a stuck up bitch.

... is this the same. In improving my aesthetics have i inadvertently changed the opinion of me from

A, an ok looking lad who is really sure of himself

to

B, someone who loves himself coz he looks good and knows it.

i feel like by getting to a point where u look good(which i fucking worked like a dog to do so), u have to some how humble yourself or end up labelling yourself as 'up ur own ass'...

i get much more attention without action now days, but I'm far less effective with girls. In fact i have a lot more girls be plain nasty to me when you be cocky with them.

this is obviously took me a while to realise because i had a bird for so long.

but it is curious. does your personality (from a position of confidence) need to be reflected based upon aesthetics for people (men and women) to warm to you.

Are you looking for a friend or a lover?

Maybe get the sex right and THEN the relationship if there is the chance of one, if you are after a sexual relationship.

The un-attention you get, well, they just don't dig you, but that is how it is, but many will like you, so just accept you will not be everyone's cup of tea, and keep going.

i think ur missing the point mate.

Im not looking for anything as in a relationship or sex or anything...

. I'm not assed about the situation.

in fact if anything i like the new perspective. I just like stripping the logic out of events.

Bearing in mind, i have a fairly heavy backlog of pulling girls to notice a social behavioural change in whats around me. I'm not writing this post in some distressed need for help. there are just a few guys on here who will help me logic it out.

i act cocky coz i like the banter, not for girls. i hate the idea that in some way I'm now expected to drop the banter because it somehow makes girls feel like I'm an arrogant now.

Not even what he's asking Tat..

I've noticed I've been getting called arrogant a lot recently. I've had a couple of girls who've been into me over the past little while say to me 'when I met you I thought you were an arrogant prick, but then I realised you were cool'. Even my girlfriend said she initially thought that. It was weird to me because that's totally not how I view myself.

I think it's just a matter of realising that most people are coming from a pretty insecure space. Most girls don't see themselves as fit, regardless of whether they are or not. When you're in a mindset like that you automatically view other people as above you somehow, so someone with a clear sense of confidence in themselves can come off as kind of cocky. I don't even think it's that much of a matter of a scale of how good looking you are. I'd say tone it down, but fuck that. If you're a cool person girls will still be into you, they don't need to automatically like you off the bat.

This is me exactly, and not just with girls but with people. "i hated you when i met you, but now i get you you sound" i get that A LOT

Ye i suppose its not that your arrogant its that they perceive you as such because they don't know how to behave with you.

I remember when i was younger girls i didn't fancy would tease me and i didn't care...

but if a fit girl did it it ruined me and she was a complete cunt.

Phil, you wrote, 'Ye i suppose its not that your arrogant its that they perceive you as such because they don't know how to behave with you.'.

I think you make an important point....'they don't know how to behave with you'. If so, this would be an uncomfortable feeling for them, infact more than that because it is sexual, and that, even slight stuff, cuts very deep, deep enough for them to put the awkwardness onto you.

People can be so very complex and, well, like a car that just has problem after problem, and with a string of these consecutively, it feels like the norm, so you start looking to maybe it is yourself when actually it is them.

But then an unusual thing happens, you meets someone and it all goes so perfectly well, there are no problems at all, it is just so smooth and easy. In this case i would argue that maybe it is not that two people have met who are made for eachother, I would argue that two people have met who don't have issues. It is a rare thing. You might be perfectly sorted as a person, which you probably are because you are introspective about this stuff and face things, consider things, but unless the other is the same then it doesn't work, but it is probably them not you, it is just that there are so many of the unsorted that you begin to think it is you when it isn't, and they are trying to make it seem like it is you when it is actually them.

I know i'm not saying anything new here, but nontheless, it can still apply very much.

The older I get, the more I realise that there are vast numbers of people with problems out there, so much so that I now just let these people pass by, be it a girlfriend, a family member, whatever. A top psychologist was on the radio and he was saying that they shouldn't use the slogan of one in four will have mental problems. He said that was very misleading because it suggested that three in four will not. He said that in truth it is three out of four who have mental problems, and four out of four who have mental issues. I have to say that this feels about right to me, so with this being how it is, then there are just going to be, say 1 in 50 that are going to work for a person like us, 49 are going to fall foul. I accept this. I don't beat myself up. There is just nothing you can do if they are not up to keeping their end up, like carrying a settee, it needs two, but if either party is not up to the job then the whole thing is off.......they will want to blame you, when it isn't, but you are so vastly outnumbered by them that you get caught up in that and think about how you can adapt.

It is interesting. I don't want to ramble on, but taking this further I have begun to see that a human grows automatically, they age, their heart beats, etc. All this comes for free with no effort. Then also comes the ability to drive, pay a gas bill, etc, adult learned stuff. It all happens naturally. But when it comes to the personality, that is something either life luckily deals you the experiences, or you take some control of it yourself and try to develop yourself, which is why most people on sites like this are sorted people with developed personalities. I tell you, I see loads of people who are essentially two years old. I am not kidding, and THAT is what you, me, we are up against. Just be who you are, not what people want you to be; sure many will pass by, but they would anyway, but the good ones will still be found as they notice, you notice, a sorted person where you can get along happily.

'Outside of the box'........THAT is where it is at. Anything inside the box is sleepwalking. And this was the point about existentialism earlier, because by existing things rather than thinking of existing things, you are not following a doctrine of what to see and think, you are seeing it, experiencing it for real, and in this reality you see something other than the doctrine, you see the truth, and this is how a human should live their life and develop themselves. Thus, individualism is connected very much to existentialism.

Your point is very apt to understanding this topic of Phil's. It does seem to have a philosophical base.

it was only philosophical.

What the hell is happening with this thread.

Whole forums been overrun by rambling oddcunts

You can be arrogant when you are obviously not perfect cos it's clear that you are doing it with a sense of wit or irony. That's defo your style having read your posts.

Start to look too perfect and all of a sudden the arrogance just makes you look like a cunt.

Plus you'll make girls feel so insecure about themselves that they'll put walls up or even lash out preemtively, just to protect their ego's.