Confidence. I think this is a very interesting and important subject.

You can have confidence, lose confidence, re-gain confidence, have a little confidence, a lot of confidence, too much confidence (over confident).

This suggests that confidence is in a total state of flux, whether it is actually ebbing and flowing or not within you, it is always in a potential state of flux at the least.

For me, confidence is when you know you can do something, when you know you are capable of doing something, and so you then have confidence about doing that thing. You wouldn't want a surgeon to operate upon you if he did not demonstrate he or she lacked confidence because that would suggest that they were incompetant, lacking, inexperienced, and suggests that they are that way in all other aspects of their life, and it also suggests imaturity because people who are young have not had time to develop skills to be confident, so to a woman a man lacking confidence is a boy, and that is not what she wants, in the same way that going for a night out with a total dullard is not what anyone wants. So a lack ofconfidence is off-putting.

And yet, confidence, when you have it, is a state of 'nothing', you don't really notice it. It just seems natural to be like that.....the feeling of unconfidence is when it feels wrong and lacking.

I have sometimes wondered about this, that if it is true that women are looking for confidence in a man then they run the danger of falling in with a man who doesn't care about them.....he can be confident with them because he couldn't care less about them. The woman then gets involved and is treated poorly. and yet the one who she should have fallen in with was the man who showed some nervousness, some lack of confidence, because it might mean that he cares, that the woman matters to him. But I think that it can be detected between whether a person is lacking confidence or just anxious because there is something they really want and don't want to lose it by putting a foot wrong.

The only way to get confidence is to get real experience in the thing you want to do, ie become skilled at it. You start at the bottom and carry on and get better; you have to suffer the bad-feeling of failure, the bad feeling of those clumbsy baby steps, and just keep on until you get better at it.

And i think you have to immerse your self in it, intensively, constantly. You can't just be dibbing in and out of the skill you wish to gain, you have to do it so much that it becomes the norm for you, that you get in the MODE. Want to learn to drive then drive drive drive all the time UNTIL IT NO LONGER FEELS SPECIAL TO YOU TO DO IT. It is the same with any skill, you do it until you are essentially fed up with it because YOU CAN DO IT EASILY.....ie you have mastered it.

What are other people's thoughts and feelings about this subject?

Do you really feel the need to wonder about this so much? Conidence is good, a lame chode looser who takes no action, bad.

nova.........Maybe I have got it wrong, as I have taken the impression that such discussions are what this site is about, if not in whole then at least to a fair extent.

I find the idea of confidence interesting and would like to hear what other people think about confidence.

Not only that, there are a lot of people who suffer in their life because of confidence problems, and maybe such a thread as i hoped this might be could offer some help to them. A basic understanding of psychology is never a bad thing.

Also, I just believe there isn't time to be mucking around. What I mean is that life is short. I can't be hanging around this site waiting 6 months till I'm accepted as a member who can then make posts in what interests me. I've come on this site and done plenty of posting to find out if it is the site for me, that's all, and so I will find out quickly. I'm here to learn from people about a subject I find very interesting.

But I appreciate your reply.

Well, better than nothing is what I ment, and besides, you have to start somewhere, you can't just gain an expert understanding. But I have heard it said quite a lot that 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing', so I take your point.

Kowalski, I remember watching those three documentaries when they were shown, The Power of Nightmares is one I remember. I've just read up on wiki. It's a massive subject, but my personal interest is to learn how to try and make choices for myself, as much as I can. I like to think I am a good bloke at heart, and i find a value in this towards my quality of life. I try to think for myself, do my own way. This makes me unpopular, but it serves me well, and I make progress in the way i like to.

You quoted Satre to me a few days ago. And Satre was quoted in the documentaries. It is difficult for me to tell you just how much I am into Existentalism, for this philosophy is exactly how I live my life, my aim to live a fulfilled life and realise my potential, and discover who I am as I do so. For me, Existentialism is easy, it means to 'exist', which is to 'do it', 'live it', 'be it', exist it rather than 'look' at it, whatever it is in life that you are on with or considering.

I can report that it does seem to work, I believe. I think we all do it to some extent. I mean, think of the differece between someone who has existed as a traveller around the world and someone who has watched travel documentaries. there is no comparison. It is often difficult to 'exist/live' things because of practical reasons, and I think some people do it by proxy, meaning they, say, see someone who has lived a thing they would like to, say starting and running a successful business, and they 'try and get one over' on that person so that they can say that whilst they haven't ran a business it they are clever enough to have run one and so that is as good as if they actually have done it.....which it obviously isn't. Such a person is in fantacy land, make-believing fantacy is reality. The upshot is that they are flaky, so they avoid being 'tested'. It can get nasty that type of thing because one person is feeling very inadequate, and it destroys their comfy fantasy bubble, and that would hurt very much.

Got a bit carried away then, but yes, Satre, etc. For me, I just think that by trying to understand things then it means I can look after myself better, and those i care for. I don't think it is a good idea for anyone to just go with the flow because you are going to get into difficulties at some point, and life is a serious business.

I would just like to also say that I think Romantic literature (Wordsworth, Byron, Shelley, De Quincy, Coleridge, etc), supply some useful guidance towards life and living.