Hi guys

Just wondering what the best tips where for building overall confidence? like to get to a level where you are confident to even approach as im just struggling to do anything...been thinking alot about trying day game

i know night game is probably easier for beginners but i have like some mental block especially with night i think it could be to do with i had a really bad experience with going out on a night and i just feel anxious as fuck

turned 18 went out a few times, like 3rd time i was out went smoking area alone was dead outside cause raining
a good looking lass came up to me was really friendly asked for a light i wasnt hitting on her at all cause i could see i was not her type cause she had a few years on me but i think she found me 'cute' or w.e as im 5'7 and slim and look fresh so she was being really friendly and stuff so why not talk to her

next thing i knew a guy must of come up behind me and locked the arms round my neck and pulled me backwards of the bench pushed me up against wall and straight up screaming in my face saying he was going to 'bang me out' n all that .. he had his hands round my neck and in corner. was just so shocked all i could muster was like a 'calm down mate' if you wondering why i didnt straight up brawl him im not an aggressive person at all and he was easily double my size and id guess around 30... in the end his bird ..i think? begged him off me and i just went home. ever since that i seem to be alot more in my head when it comes to meeting people like for instance i have alot more negative preconceptions..

tldr basically i want to be mentally normal again and i see i have a confidence issue i just dont know where to start since i wont even approach during the day

apologies for bad grammar i suck on my phone!

What Kowalski said is spot on & it's generally how it goes for most people, with the only real differences being the length of time you spend 'reading' & shit.

I'd like to add though, maybe you should do something involving your self-defence. I'm not suggesting you become a black belt in karate, but even going to the gym & beating the fucks out of a heavy bag for 20 minutes a couple of times a week will boost your confidence in this area in that you'll feel a little bit better that you can handle yourself if needs be.

I agree with Dan and Kowalski, and would add that it's not surprising that the experience has sensitised you to the risk of repeat situations. It's just the nervous system trying to protect you like an over zealous parent from the perceived risk either physically or emotionally.

The reality is however that you were unlucky, and that with more normal experiences over time your perception of risk will diminish and your confidence will return.

If you still find it really hard, CBT can help you work out what beliefs this has installed and help you work through them until the scales suddenly tip and you can let go of it.

i did try the whole gym thing but i could only really go at peak times as i work 9-5. The free weight section was always rammed and it seemed to take forever to get on anything and when you did youd have a que of people waiting for you to finish. I might rejoin and try go early saturday and sunday mornings or smthn.

Thanks for the advice so far guys, from what i have read so far I understand its 100% faster/only really works if you take the plunge. I just need to stop thinking il do it tomorrow and start right now!

Side note, you ever watch the movie revovler? I expected it to be the usual statham killing machine esq type of movie but it actually has quite the story of enlightenment

I thought revolver was a pile of nonsensical pish. Completely confusing as fuck.

I've only ever watched it once. I think a couple of people on here now have said there was some deeper meaning shit going on, but I never got it.

I wanted explosions & Statham takedowns, all I got was a technically suicidal guy mumbling a load of crap inside his head.

I loved Revolver. I think Guy Richie was into Kabbalah at the time, cos of his relationship with Madge probably. So yeh it's got a lot of ego stuff in it culminating with the enlightenment scene in the lift.

Yeah I understand what Dan means its probably not what he expected/wanted at all when picking a statham movie

But i seen it quite a few times over the past 6 or so years and every time i have watched it i notice new bits.. its kinda weird how in depth of a movie it is.. most people who i know dismiss it as a bad movie but they think its in the same genre as snatch or lock stock or something...

Hi Rekk - I thought Postscript nailed that in his first post. Really good advice - CBT is great for anxiety. Hypnotherapy too if you get a good therapist. Another thing that works well is practicing focussing outward. Anxiety bubbles up when you start self-scanning for problems and how you are coming across. If you shift mindset to be 99% focussed on who you're talking to, (being deliberately curious serves me best) you'll have so little attention on yourself that fear doesn't get a look in.

Are you based in Leeds mate?