Hey people,

long term monogamous relationship material?!

OK, so I want to explore a relationship, after 'playing the field' for quite a while (and being a bit bored by it to be honest). But I'm now incredibly fussy, I don't really know what to look for anyways (does anyone?!). I guess as a drawback of having many continual options - I've had to say no committed relationships so many times.

One girl is cute, but doesn't know much about literature or the world. One girl is very smart, but is less easy going. One girl is cute and smart, but is a bit young... and so on and so on and so on...

Hmmm.... Sometimes I think I'm comparing the incomparable. I find it quite confusing. Last night/today I was with a really smart and decent girl, but sometimes I don't think we got on well 'enough'.

I have had serious relationships before, but not since I got into this scene (I didn't want to)

A friend of mine has the opinion that you find someone reasonable, then mould them into stuff you like (explore your interests with them, or encourage them to exercise!). Slightly shrewd!

Another friend of mine has really simple criteria - just a reliable and kind girl with big boobs. (note: he is good with women, but still finds it tough).

Obviously we all have different criteria but hit me back if you have any thoughts on this. I sometimes wonder if we are more like women than we think - we might not even know what we want,

Cya

anthony

Simple, choose this one.

Yes we do, we just have to be decisive and committed enough to put in the effort and make it work. And there is a lot more to life than sex/women...

I think your absolutely right.

What if you explore your emotions about this. What you are really looking for. What makes you feel.."like a man" if you will.

See if you can actually discover what you want, because what is the point of chasing after things in life which you´re not sure you even want?

@Dolphin - things for me are more complex. I'm dating a number of brilliant women. Choosing one or none isn't so easy. also, the cute smart one snores! You are right that there is more to life than women and sex (to me, but probably not to others, this is obvious), but this is a forum about women, so I posted it here.

@camarda - cheers for the comments. yes, I have room for self development and such. I'm still on a road in that sense, all the time, trying to work at many areas of my life. But I have to be honest that there is no spiritual fulfilment for me in the writings of eckhart tolle - much of it to me is spiritual waffle of little or no use. I look elswhere!

Yes, happiness from myself but also from other people too. I can never be happy in total isolation. Much of the pu community says so (to increase your locus of control etc), but its largely unrealistic (obvious in evolutionary terms for me why this is so – as with other aspects of happiness).

I've definitely got better at attracting women – but this has been myself, in being myself, and not a PUA (I'm not a pua, but I'm still good with women; I don't use routines etc).

Yup – I think you're right.




I go with plan A on this then – continue to explore it, and with the experience learn more. As with other women stuff that I've learned with women etc, it has come through action and reflection.

Damn right. We have to look through that, as well as the layer of social conditioning too (eg, when we meet them). This is an interesting thing to explore.

I think this is a different type of stuff to most of the community material out there. I think most pickup stuff is designed to get quick sex or multiple casuals. I don't get the impression that there is a great deal of screening going on. Even when I started, I would go for the seduction anyways (just for the experience). Now I will start to explore this more.

Now interested to see where this takes me. Starting to feel more positive about it !

Yeah, just put some tape over her mouth, that should sort it...

My own view on this is, if your looking for a long term relationship, (and ultimately I am too) then that person is "your other half", they support you in your own goals and life and you do in theirs. And ultimately you will both have shared goals in the future, be it kids or the life commitments that blossom between you.

But knowing who you are and what you want in life helps loads, but you know this already.

GO COMPARE GO COMPAAAAAAARREEEEEEE

sorry had to bust out the go compare advert tune.... when you were on about comparing lol


i agree wiht you tbh, i mean, at one point i had three women to choose from and they each had really cool characteristics i liked, but i find myself fault-finding, and often wonder if im being over-fussy....

i think at some point i too would love a LTR. but at the moment, im still plowing through until i find soemone who ticks all the boxes lol (thats unrealistic lol)

i think you have to expect faults, and expect not to get 100% what you want, but be thankful for the qualities they DO have! thats what i try and do.

Pic.

I'm having a bit of trouble forumulating this post mainly because I think you can't really decide this scientifically even though I am through and through a man of science.
If I were you i'd go for the cute, smart and young one, but this is going off just your description, there's other things about them that you can't convey in a single post.

My mrs is 6 years younger but that doesn't mean anything to me, it's weird because I didn't want to settle down when I got with her infact the next day I went out and slept with someone else to make sure and then I felt guilty even though I had no commitment to her.

I've told her about it since but and it's cool (something I wouldn't have dared do before). There is something about her that I can't quite put my finger on that made me decide. I think it might have something to do with the improv thing of 'yes and...' where she accepted my random shit I talk but then built on it and vice versa.

Oh yeah I forgot this quote about spirituality

"‘Spirituality’ is what cretins have in place of imagination." - Charlie Brooker

I haven't told her I love her yet because I think it's too early to say for sure and I've been in love before but like you it was my old self.

Now i've been exposed to all this I try not to make it my one focus because I don't want to be one of those couples that focuses on just them.
When that happens you have nothing to bring to the relationship, no spark or outside influence and you stagnate and she'll get bored or i'll get bored because you make your own island.

I think before I thought that you just found someone and it would work itself out but there's work involved. I know you should find someone that you get on with well but still I think that you can turn that into a bad relationship by getting lazy, spending too much time and focus on them.

Luckily she's not that lovey, easy going and doesn't want to be together 24/7

Cool –

I was hoping you'd comment on this tom - nice to hear your perspectives. If Swype was still around, I'd be interested in his view too.

Fuck yes it is – I need my sleep. Come to think of it, another girl has continual sleep problems - she always wakes up in the night, has done for years. I need my sleep!! Pah.

But yes, you accept the majority – work together on the minority of hassles I guess. Imagine a baby and your mindset after no sleep – imagine this every day with a woman....

One major factor for me is: "is the girl going to leave the country after X amount of time". I pretty much always go for international girls, so this is a major one for me. Sometimes, like with one (younger, very shy, pleasant, cute, very inexperienced mind, quite bright) it is a bit ambiguous, so I'm not too sure. Maybe if I'm active again I should give british women more of a shot (50% overweight though – stats don't lie!).

Having some serious experience in this area – I would strongly suggest anyone here steers away from being too attached to women who are here for a fixed period only (if you really must continue it, arrange the logistics).

See what tom says about rational and the emotional. I think K is touching on that too.

nice!!

Right, so you are suggesting screen logically. I agree, and try to do that. I've also been in love before (this scene, not after) – a huge emotional thing in which the sum is greater than the parts. And yes, it can fall down leaving a potentially 'flawed' person. So yes, you're right it needs work.

But I feel that if you get too logical, you almost get 'stuck inside your own head' in the relationship (in my case, I probably am these days too – too much logical), and can't engage in deep emotions like love. My rational friend (in a 3 year relationship) is a classic case – dismisses the concept of love immediately.

BE interested to see if you see love as a set thing (being 'in love' after a long time) or an emotion you can experience quickly. Like you said about falling in love for a few minutes. I felt an excited and brilliant emotion with a girl from a train queue the other night.

toole – I'm up for re-addressing it. I tend to quickly abandon stuff I see as spiritual nonsense. The ego thing is a thing I notice. Partly even fed by others expectations etc. My friend/wing continually thought I was a 'mPUA' – and maybe I even thought it too at times – so I had some bullshit expectation thing which I'm better off dismissing. He even looks at me expectantly at times when I'm out, such are his expectations! Rediculous!