Life on the other side

[secretpua]

Hey gang

I think getting good with women has completely changed who I am and what I believe. I've written something a bit spiritual on my blog today, and I'd truly like some opinions. I think inaction is the killer in any situation and frequently when I speak to anyone in the pickup community I sense a lot of cynicism and bitterness. I don't think it's because they have tried everything and aren't getting the results. I think it's because we all know we should be doing better, we should be approaching more, and finding ways of communicating how brilliant we are quickly. When I read about text game, and what should I say when talk and cool ways to DHV, I think we've lost the plot. Recently I've just become kinder than I've ever been, and more honest, and I know feel like I've graduated to having whatever relationship I want with whoever. I've had a first date every day since the 27th December and had sex on all of them. I don't really have any moves or routines that have made it happen, they've kind of all come on to me and although I don't quite understand how I've done it yet, I know it's something to do with how comfortable I feel with being who I am.

I think I'm going to write a book The Zen of Pickup, or maybe Jedi Pickup is more commercial. I suppose this is my challenge. Walk up to someone and tell them exactly what about them you are curious about, then link this to a conversation about how you feel about the world (has to be positive).

Peace, and thanks for the emails.

d
http://secretpua.blog.co.uk/

[secretpua]

Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it. There's no doubt committing to PUA takes up a lot of time in dating alone, but for me in the last six months I've really changed my life and part of this has been accepting that I've grown apart from my old friends. I still see them, but I never go out gaming with them, they're just too cynical and unsupportive. I much prefer to spend time with similar people as I've realised what a huge effect the people around me have on my mood and attitude.

d
http://secretpua.blog.co.uk/

[Blanca]

This is a really cool blog post man. Inspiring reading!

[secretpua]

Thanks Blanca, really glad you like it. Blogging is helping me too.

Camarda, I was reading about the rule of 80:20 and I realised that 80% of the women I fancy I encounter in two places; the gym, and walking towards me in the street. I decided that if I just focused on opening primarily in these two scenarios then my game would really benefit. At first I would only open people where I had made eye contact first but now although I look for eye contact it doesn't stop me if I don't get it. If I'm approaching from behind I always make sure she has seen me first otherwise I find women jump and it kind of fucks up the interaction. In terms of whether they are alone or in a group I do either, more often in the gym or street they are on their own, and when they're in a group I usually go less direct.

Which brings me on to direct game. If you go up to someone and "I say you and had to come over and say I thought you were cute" the subtext is "you look hot and I really want to screw you". If they feel the same then great, but it puts a lot of pressure straight away on her deciding whether she's attracted to you, and in truth her knee jerk reaction will probably be to keep you at arms length. For me direct game works well when the subtext is "I saw you and there's something about the way you are that makes me curious to find out more about you" (in fact that's not bad, I'm going try that one).

Generally, my most direct opener is something along the lines of "I'm in a rush but you have a really beautiful way about you and I had to come and say hi". Or less direct would be "Hi, I noticed you in whereever, and I just had to tell you you have a beautiful hat, so beautiful in fact, that it inspired me to come and talk to you, where did you get it?" and it can then go on to a million different things but I get most success with "Do you find having beautiful things makes your life more beautiful?...Yeah, I'm secretly really materialistic too. Do you think we should team up buy beautiful things together and then organise some kind of time share. So we'll buy a coat you have it Monday to Thursday and then I'll have it the rest...It means we'll start dressing the same, you know the artists Gilbert and George? We'll be like them." This way you focusing all your curiousity about the interesting person you think they might be and your not a superficial guy that bases their whole attraction on looks.

The finally thing I like to respond to is if you feel you are constantly missing opportunities it's probably because you're putting too much pressure in your mind on the interaction. Just focus on taking one risk. If your uncomfortable with stopping someone in the street make it easy for yourself, ask for directions, until you are completely comfortable with that area. Once you are take one more risk, ask them for directions and then comment on their accent, their jewellery etc. Once this feels alright add another risk, ask them if this is their area of London, where they come from, where they dream of living etc. It only really takes four or five risks before you're going for the number, but don't make that your goal. Always be taking that next risk.

I think this answers everything. Let me know how it goes.

d
Secret London Pua