OK, so a girl i'd been on 3 dates with slept with me on the 3rd date. The following days positive texts ensue, we even meet for a quick tea one lunchtime. Then, that friday night:

'I should not have moved so fast with you last wek... Really don't know what I was thinking. Anyway, I think it's best if we don't see each other again'.

Must say, I felt pretty gutted to read this, as she really is one of the coolest and most beautiful girls I've dated so far. So, after this I messaged her to arrange a chat. She was very awkward and cold with me, but I persisted and she eventually agreed. My friends thought she sounded like a right bitch, and even I thought she'd be really nasty when I met up. She wasn't.

So, before I met her I wrote down all the things I like about her other than her looks. I realised there were quite a lot of things that attracted me to her. I told her that we might not have had obvious things in common like music or art, but it was things like her sense of humour, her honesty, her opened mindedness, that she listened to me, etc. that I appreciated.

The whole episode was a defense mechanism to her feeling like I was just using her for sex. She also told me that she didn't know what I was thinking, or how I was feeling, and on reflection I was playing it a bit too cool with her (mainly for fear of being needy, but obviously taking it too far in the other direction).

Tough one mate, I'll be honest I've had this one before and not really been successful, I just continue playing it cool and just tried to reassure her that we would just take things slowly and try to let a relationship develop without being over thought about so I backed off and she didn't really get back into it, shame but shit happens.

I wouldn't have thought that a third date is necessarily slutty, in fact I'd say that's pretty much the norm (at least from my experience), you might just being dealing with somebody who's a bit overly sensitive or a fair bit inexperienced when it comes to physical relationships.

Guess the only thing I could suggest is to assure her that your not just using her for sex, but I'm guessing you've already done that...

Sounds like you've been used for sex.

Possible, but if that were the case the I wouldn't have thought it would take three dates, but I've been wrong/naive before...

It's not really about the timescale or numbers of dates (note that I had met her 2/3 months ago). It took her 5 days after sex to feel like I only wanted her for sex. I had made a suggestive text in the week that I should check out the view from her window, and although she made light of it, it was probably the tipping point. I had not made her feel valued in any other way, despite really being into her. I just played it far too cool joking around with her in texts and leaving her guessing, and generally showing no emotions, yet allowing her to show me emotions.

After leaving the scene yesterday, I text her:

Me: Thanks for listening
Her: I don't know why I am attracted to you too. Can still see you, but I'm gonna focus on exams now

Now I will let the dust settle for a while.

Yeah quite true, situations are circumstantial, but you will know from your own experience of the situation.

All you can do really.