For a lot of guys when they find out about the dating industry and realise that they could transform their fortunes they get really excited and don’t know exactly what to do with themselves. Most guys start by locking themselves away and reading every piece of dating advice they can possibly get their hands on.

Needless to say, locking yourself away and reading isn’t going to bring you a whole lot of success. In fact, what you’ll probably find is that you read various different things that seem to contradict each other and you feel even more confused then when you started.

The first step should be to make some basic lifestyle changes. As the old saying goes, “if you keep doing what you’ve always done you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got”. There are 5 main things I would advise most guys to do at the beggining of their journey:

1) Start talking to everyone
Whenever you have any kind of opportunity to start a conversation with anyone you should. Whether that means having a little chat to the guy who serves you coffee at the local cafe or starting up a conversation with an old lady at a bus stop. This will develop your social muscles and start moving you towards being the social man that you wish to be, it’ll get you out of your shell and back to reality. Whats more, you’ll start to really enjoy talking to people and it’ll become natural to have a laugh and a joke with them.

“Success is not the key to hapiness, hapiness is the key to success. When you enjoy what you do you will be successful” -Herman Cain

A lot of the guys who have the most success with women are the guys who just really love to have a chat. For these guys when it comes to chatting up the ladies there is no problem whatsoever.

2) Take up a couple of hobbies
If you’ve been thinking about joining the gym, doing salsa classes, or starting a rock climbing club then do it now. Its not just an opportunity to add another couple of strings to your bow but also an opportunity to meet more people and further develop your social skill as well as your social circle. The more friends and acquaintances you have in your life the better your chances of being successful in your dating life.

It goes without saying that a lot of the guys who have great success in dating have big social circles and a lot of stuff going on in their lives. Having a couple of hobbies gives you a bit more to talk about too and helps you to paint a more colourful picture of yourself.

3) Get a hair cut
Now, when I say get a haircut I don’t mean just go to your usual barber and say “same again please”. Instead, grow your hair a little and then go to a Toni and Guy, or somewhere similar, ask for a senior stylist and say “I’m leaving myself in your capable hands, you have the freedom to do whatever you want to make me look good”. I understand that maybe you like your current style but you can always change it back later. The thing about doing this is that it’s going to make you feel a little different, like a new person. It’ll make you feel you have the authority to act a little differently too.

And guess what? Even if you don’t think so at first, it’ll probably look better than before. After all, you put yourself in the hands of someone who’s proffession it is to make peoples hair look good. Needless to say, guys who are successful with ladies are usually well groomed.

4) Get someone to give you hand clothes shopping
If you can, go to a stylist, tell them how much you can afford to spend on clothes and get them to help you to pick some out. Alternatively, get a female friend to give you a hand. Even if your a little unsure about the clothes that are picked out for you just go along with it for now, you can always ditch the look later on. This is similar to getting a new haircut in that it’ll make you feel a little different, you’ll feel like a new man who is ready to act in new ways.

You’ll probably come to realise that the advice you were given was pretty good and even start to get complimented on your dress sense. Dressing well is another thing most successful guys do (except me, I’m a scruffy bastard;-)).

5) Start going out a few times a week
Start going out to social gatherings at least three times a week and make every effort to be social. Whether it be bars or clubs or gigs or festivals, just get out of the house. If you see a girl you like go and chat to her without any particular outcome in mind. But primarily, get used to being the social guy, the guy who talks for the sake of talking, or for no other reason than to make people feel good about themselves. Go out and give people compliments, tease them and joke with them. Be a source of positive emotions for other people.

This is pretty much the polar opposite to locking yourself away and reading dating, pick-up or seduction materials. However, it’ll do you far more good. Getting out of the house on a regular basis for the specific purpose of practising your social skills is probably the best thing you can do to start unleashing your innate social skill.

two weeks into my journey and totally agree with everything you said. was going to buy the game online but thought I should go to my local library as for me I thought it quite daunting to walk up to them and ask if they have a copy. I done this today and although I ws not trying to pick anyone up it strengthened my confidence as the three women behind the counter were giving me funny looks and smirking at each other but I just totally showed them that I didnt care and by the end of the transaction they were all really nice to me. So yes your advice from your post is true, put yourself into situations where you have to be strong. I was reading soemones post about direct approaches and it maybe the art of being confident relaxed and honest that is the real key to all this.