Dr Seuss And PUA - PUA Forums - The UK's Leading Pick-up Artist Forum

RobboRobson · **Dr Seuss And PUA -** 24-09-2009, 09:03 AM

I am currently subscribed to Neil Strauss' email list and received this email today.

I thought i'd share it as a bit of light humour

It is from one of his book club moderators who whilst bored one day, decided to review Dr. Seuss children's book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish as if it were a seduction manual.

The following is intended to be nothing more than humorous gibberish. Should anyone want to take offense, keep in mind that its fucking Dr. Seuss. And I'm really bored today.

Operating under the assumption that fish are women. . .

"One fish two fish red fish blue fish
black fish blue fish old fish new fish.
Some are red and some are blue.
Some are old and some are new."

There is considerable physical variety out there. While you may have preferences, i.e. red fish, it will be more beneficial for you to practice your social skills on all varieties of fish. When you have perfected your skill set, there will still be plenty of red fish. And the experiences you have with blue fish, old fish, and new fish will teach you about yourself and your preferences as well. Perhaps, when you were younger, you had an experience with a red fish. Being young, i.e., not smart yet, you may have decided that the joy you received from that experience was due to the redness of the fish. But blue fish can have a bangin' hot ass too.

"Some are sad and some are glad.
And some are very, very bad."

It can be difficult, particularly in the beginning, to get a clear reading on other people's private, more authentic personas as opposed to their public personas. You need to be able to meet a girl and figure out what the odds are that she will stab you.
Calibration is your friend.

"Why are they sad and glad and bad?
I dont know. Go ask your dad."

If I can interject myself into this interpretation for a moment, it has not been uncommon, in the past, for my Facebook status to read simply, "BBC." People who know me understand that this stands for Bitches Be Crazy. While it sounds derogatory, it's not really intended that way, but as a sort of funny, exasperated acknowledgment of the frequently vastly different emotional lives women lead as opposed to men, as well as a shorthand way of letting people know that I'm having some sort of chick drama. So what the story is saying is that perhaps an older male or a more experienced PUA can give you advice. You are probably overthinking it. Go sleep with 10 more women.

"Some are thin and some are fat.
The fat one has a yellow hat."

Women are natural peacockers. They get trained in accessorizing early on. The fat fish, knowing she needs to draw attention away from her less attractive feature, wears a yellow hat. This also gives you an excuse to say, "Hey nice hat," and thereby ride that fat fish to your heart's content or until your friends find out.
(Hey, Dr Seuss set up the fat joke here. What? You expected me to just let that one go by out of political correctness? And for the record, mopeds are fun as hell too.)

"From there to here,
from here to there,
funny things everywhere."

Humorous things will happen to you on your quest to become a PUA.
Remember the story when Neil ended up on a fire escape with no pants? Now just imagine the dumbass things YOU are going to do once you get in the field. . .

"Here are some who like to run.
They run for fun in the hot, hot sun"

If you don't hit the gym every now and then, but manage to find a fish in good shape, she will wear your sorry ass out and leave you semi-conscious and gasping in a pool of sweat and tears to go find someone who can keep up with her. Lift a weight every now and then, slackass.

"Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!"

Be sure to inject emotion into your speaking voice. Pretend you care about their cat's personality.

"What a lot of funny things go by."

Use situational comments to start a conversation: Did you see those two girls fighting outside the club? It was crazy! And then blah blah blah take your shirt off. (Note: blah blah blah represents more steps and time than is necessarily apparent.)

"Some have two feet and some have four.
Some have six feet and some have more."

This refers to the end of your bed. As your skill set progresses upward, you will go from being alone under the covers to having a woman with you to having threesomes and more.

"Where do they come from?
I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way."

For an AFC, a hot woman is like your second grade teacher. It is difficult to imagine them leading lives, particularly normal lives wherein they do things like eat or sneeze or watch something boring on TV because there's nothing else on. So, in the AFC mind, a hot woman is always just that, a hot woman, who he imagines living somewhere magical and exotic, often in a landscape involving a disproportionate number of large, fluffy beds. But what the story is saying is that these women are bored, traveling miles and miles in search of some sort of adventure to help them escape from their drab reality. That adventure could be you.

"We see them come.
We see them go."

Again, the fish/hot women are being viewed from the AFC viewpoint.
They are observed, not interacted with. They are "studied," which bears absolutely no relation to stalking at all. (Footnote: It's perfectly normal to know that a woman goes to bed an hour earlier on Tuesday than she does on Wednesday. What? I just happen to be in that neighborhood a lot.) Anyway, the point is, they move fast, so make sure you always use the three second rule, or the opportunity will pass you by.

"Some are fast.
And some are slow."

This is the next thing you must do after using the three-second
rule: calibrate. Some fish/women will be easier to sleep with because their goal that night is to have sex. Others are more relationship-oriented and will require a greater time investment.
And some are in between, and will have higher ASD, which will require more time to get past. She just wants some validation. So maybe spend some time cleaning up the pile of sand before she lays her eggs in it. It'll make her feel good and it'll make you feel good.

"Some are high.
And some are low."

This is a guideline on whether to neg or not. Some fish have high self-esteem and are more emotionally stable and have shiny scales and whatnot, and you may have to tease and disqualify yourself in order to be considered a potential suitor. Other fish tend towards lower self esteem and more emotional fragility. So you must be careful here. The lower self esteem fish often masquerade as higher self esteem fish--until you throw in one neg too many because you had that extra shot of whiskey and all of a sudden you're the guy who made the girl cry at the party. Good luck getting invited back. Also, her friends hate you now too.

"Not one of them is like another.
Don't ask us why."

Predicting the behavior of women in no way implies understanding of said behavior. We know that if they do X, then Y is a behavior that has had Z result for some percentage of people when it happened to them. But everyone is different, and no two approaches are the same, so that's what keeps the game exciting.

"Go ask your mother."

This is a final warning to manage your expectations. Just because you now know what you're doing with women in no way guarantees that you will not be hurt. In fact, it makes it much more likely because you're now actually out interacting with women instead of waiting for your next sexual experience to finish downloading.
When you do get hurt, it's okay, because your mom still loves you.
She will still hug you. Perhaps she will also have advice. (Just don't tell her the part about how the argument with the girl started during a conversation about anal sex and how, really, it's perfectly natural and if she really cared about you, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. And anyway, this other girl I used to date. . .)

In my final analysis of "One Fish, Two Fish" by Dr. Seuss, while the manual does have some useful advice for the hapless AFC, it is unfortunately not presented in an organized enough fashion to be terribly useful. It's kind of all over the place. And now, for some reason, I want to go to the aquarium and touch myself. . .