What is your opinion on the best way to break off a 1 year plus relationship without hurting that person or yourself ? Can this even be done?

AJay

Forget about doing it in a way that doesn't hurt her. Expect pain, but don't let that deter you.

It's your life, go for gold mate.

But yeah. Think about why you want to break up with her and be as honest as you can be without sounding too harsh.

Unless you both want the relationship to end then no, she will hurt.

Be honest but not brutal.

I did this recently. I wanted relationship to end, she didn't, she is very hurt. I was also a bit hurt, though not as much. She is a lovely person, so I was nice in my reasons for ending it.

By being nice: everything I said was genuine, but I selectively chose information. I only talked about thing that can be changed (behaviour and approach). Things that were fundamental and impossible to change (esp. physical), I didn't mention.

If you care about the other person, you won't be a cock by, as Dale calls it, being "brutal".


One approach is this:

(1) right now, have a mini-chat to say you have some concerns about the relationship. Hold back though, and just mention say two issues.
(2) then, sometime in the future, have a larger chat with more concerns (including those from the original chat) and that you don't feel same way etc

See what you did there? By not just proceeding directly to (2), you hurt the person a little less as there has been an initial amber light before the red stop light.


I applied this two-step strategy... not by planning, more just stumbled upon it and that's what I did. It helped reduce her hurt, rather than going direct to break-up, but there was still hurt.

Life is short -- you need to live your life with whatever approach (being with her or without her) is best for you. Only you know the answer to that...