Fun in the Sun
This is my new field report section to keep you updated on my life over in the Caribbean. I was going to write a blog, but realised I had to hold back due to family/co-workers etc reading. Without absolutely honesty it wasn’t that interesting or funny, so thought I’d bless you guys with full blown account instead!
By way of background, after 5 years of hard work, I recently landed a dream job over in the Caribbean for a lot more money. I knew no one coming over here and have never been to this country before.
I’ve been here for about 4 weeks. After living in London for 9 years this is a real change. Everyone is so friendly and literally you can just speak to anyone you want, the landscape is absolutely stunning to the point of tears sometimes and it has a real community feel to it.
Weeks 1-2
I don’t think I need to go in details of my first couple of weeks as it’s all about me settling in really. Good fun for me, but appreciate I may lose a few readers if I go into too much detail about my experiences with the immigration department and working out where to buy milk from.
So basically we’re 3 weeks in and I’ve made loads of new friends, settled in, a bit sunburnt and worryingly I have learnt that there are no birds here! In the first couple of weeks I saw only about 5 fuckable birds! Also there is a huge ratio of men to women, about 7:1 (in the expats, more local girls but not fit and tend to stick to there own). However things about to change, cue field reports……
Week 3 - Captain Snake Eyes
3rd weekend in and one of the guys at work has organised a boat trip. It was by far my best day here so far. We sail all over and go snorkelling and get very drunk. Go on a party boat and jump off and do various shots too. I am the only one to jump off the top, which is terrifying, as it is made out of canvas material the roof and I had to jump over these spikes to do it, very high up! Met a real cutie on the boat who was new to the island. There’s nothing there with her, but was pleased to see there are fitties arriving.
Cut forward few hours, few drinks and I am at a Halloween party, smashed and dressed as a pirate. Already freaked out a local woman by showing her the hole in my trousers, but in a good mood.
Again chatting to everyone as it’s like a little village here and I know most people already. I notice an Irish girl I’d been speaking to the night before. I have got to a point now where I know very quickly if I’m going to fuck a girl and when I’d spoken to her the night before I just had a feeling I was going to hook up with her the next night. She is quite cute (enhanced by her Halloween costume) and good fun.
I go off and do my own thing for a bit, I am very over familiar with some people (which actually helps me next week as you will see) and eventually I’m chatting to Irish girl again. It gets to the point where I can feel the sexual tension, I wait for that awkward silence that usually represents us thinking about kissing and low and behold it does again.
We go dance for a bit and soon end up rolling around on the beach basically dry humping. At the time I thought we were discreet, but I have since learnt there are many photos of this and the whole island knows about it. The beach in question was actually part of the dance floor apparently!
I say lets get a taxi. She does the usual I’m not fucking you business. I’m very honest with girls now when they do this. I just said something along the lines of ok I want to fuck you and I think you do me, you’re just acting funny because we just met. I’m not going to beg you for it. Anyway she agrees to get a taxi. I think the key here is I am willing to walk away, which means I don’t seem to get
LMR now whereas I used to a lot.
Some guy starts hitting on her before we leave. I kind of take the piss a bit, which was mean, but he knew what was going on so fuck him.
We get back to hers and she seems a lot keener on the sex idea now, but no blow jobs apparently. We fuck it’s cool. I break her lamp. (That’s not a euphemism by the way, we knocked off the lamp whilst fucking. Third lamp I’ve been through this year doing that! It is very comical when this happens especially if the light smashes and the room goes black.)
The next day, we go at it again and realise we’ve got no johnny’s. I go to the super market. Now this might seem like an easy enough task, but the more astute amongst you will remember I am still dressed as a pirate here. I’m not just talking an eye patch, I’ve got the whole sh-bang going on and the locals know it! ‘Hey Captain Jack Sparrow Man, how you doing brother’. ‘Hello’ says an embarrassed Snake Eyes! This carries on and I let the nice little lady in the supermarket know I’m struggling to find the condoms. She points in the right direction and I scuttle off outside to various cheers and sniggers!
We fuck again and I leave. I’m kind of sorry and feel a bit bad that I didn’t see her again this week as she was cool, but she has gone now. I didn’t see her as I want to leave my fucking and drinking to the weekend here. I want to do well at my job and get in kick ass shape during the week. I realise this is going to be tough!
Before we go on I must tell you about the mental taxi driver who decided to take me to the supermarket, take some women home and stopped off for a drink with me before taking me to my car! It was a bit odd, but we had funny. Again I think he liked the costume!
Week 4 - Shaken and Stirred
So in the fourth weekend and feeling a bit bad as I made no effort to see that Irish bird, but out for a few drinks on Friday. I only want a few as I’m running a half marathon here in 2 weeks (yes I stupidly agreed to do a half marathon in the fucking boiling hot Caribbean, most gingers die walking 100 m in the sun, I’ve got to run 13.1 miles in it).
Anyway a few turns into many beers, Jaeger shots and me on the dance floor in a bar showing my stuff. A girl I’d said hi to about half an hour ago, let’s call her Smiler, is there too. She seems like what I used to call a proximity, when I used to take this dance floor game way too seriously! Anyway I bump hips with her and I think I am right about this proximity business. This escalates into full on swinging and dancing. I’m not a good dancer by the way, but I can spin a girl around a bit from the stuff I learnt doing Ceroc and then I usually bring them in and do that dance that looks like a bit like a teapot where your all close, arms around her back and other arms out going up and down and sort of spinning around.
Fit girl from our group grabs me and starts dancing too, which I think helps my cause with Smiler for jealousy reasons.
I notice my hairdresser over by the bar. Yes, I have been here 4 weeks and I have a hairdresser! I go chat to her, but to be honest she isn’t as flirty when she’s not hoping for a post hair cut tip. Kind of doesn’t want me there I think and she leaves me with her male mate. Luckily Smiler is still lurking around and comes in to save me. The man gives her a drink, possibly laced with re-hymnal given his general demeanour but we take the chance. I take Smiler to a bench and we chat for bit until that tension filled silence and a good bit in a song (a kiss is so much more to me if I hit the first kiss on a beat in a song that I like).
Anyway it turns out we have loads in common. Both our Mum’s have MS and her sister is also a Lesbian. It was quite nice to chat to someone who has similar experiences with this stuff.
She does the usual I’m not fucking you tonight, which I have learnt means I’m totally thinking of fucking you right now. I am blatantly honest again. We chat for a bit longer and she mentions last week when I was dressed as a pirate (oh my God, that costume keeps on giving!) and I had being very over familiar with her. I had actually being told that I had offended some girl, last week at the party by my over familiarity, which I suddenly realised this was her. However, she definitely didn’t seem offended now.
I keep noticing her short little skirt and tell her I’m thinking of hoisting up her skirt and doing bad things to her, she replies with you can walk me back to my car.
Half hour later and I’m smashing Smiler in the back seat of her Kia Sportster. Have you any idea how hot it is doing this in the Caribbean! The car is shaking like a mother fucker and it must of looked quite amusing to an on-looker. It’s a fucking nice car btw, probably the best I had been in on the island. I am privileged! This is also the first time I’ve had sex in a car btw. Glad I’ve finally ticked that one off the list!
She drops me off at my car and I go for a little drink drive feeling good about myself. I stop off at a late night bar for a quick night cap and see if a can nab a smoke off someone. Yeah so when’s this half marathon again! (ps I know this drink driving bit is bad, everyone does it here and I’ve sort of followed suit! A bit sheep like, I think it turns out my reluctance to drink drive was more of a social conditioning thing than an actual belief! Poor show on my part)
Anyway the next night and I’m dressed as James Bond and I am Black Jack dealer at a Casino night. Ok, other people were dressed as James Bond, I was just wearing my work clothes as I didn’t bring a dinner jacket here. It’s not even black, it’s navy and I got some black shit smudged on my white shirt. Dealing is not that much fun to be honest.
Smiler is lurking around again, she likes doing that. I’m kind of worried that everyone on the island knows about us already (along with Irish girl too). I suppose I’ve got a player rep which is cool, most guys are just complaining and bitching about the 7:1 ratio whereas I’m actually doing something about the situation, but I don’t like this everyone knowing my business. I’m used to London where I can go around fucking discreetly and then showing off to you guys on here!
Anyway so I end up hanging out with Smiler after the dealing, which hinders me socially a bit. There are a couple of other girls from my work who were looking good and I was having a good time with them before Smiler came along. Although I probably want to avoid work girls tbh! However, I was too nice here really. I was hanging out with Smiler mainly as I felt bad for her if I didn't, but she was pissing me off a bit. It’s this evening that I’m getting all the shit for, which is doubly annoying as I could have done without her on this evening (although we did end up having a lot of fun in the end both sexually and chatting).
I don’t really know what to do about this Smiler now. She’s cool, but I don’t want to date her and I don’t know how to handle this situation where everybody thinks we’re going to hook up. She’s part of a family as well who are quite highly regarded on the ‘social circuit’ and I could end up fucking people off here.
Anyway I’m not going to think about that too much tonight so I take her back to mine. ‘Oh look I live like a minutes drive from you’ says Smiler. (Ok I am getting worried now.) Also, my new flat mate who is also my junior at work is a bit pissed off with me I think. Completely, unjustified btw, she is a bit more reserved than I am and I don’t think she likes this me bringing birds back (see my thread ‘Discretion Needed’). Again, don’t know how to handle this. She stayed at her mate’s house as she didn’t want to stay here and she was really off when she came back today. I’m such an idiot for agreeing to live with this person!
Smiler spends the night and we have a good time. In the morning she leaves after 20 minutes of trying to kill the huge wasps near her car. The wasps here are huge by the way and everywhere. I hate them!
Lessons Learnt
1. This 7:1 ratio is shit really. There is stuff going on here. These girls were not the fittest I've fucked, but I still fancied them and they were by no means rotters or embarrassing lays. Enjoyed both!
2. Pirate costume wins! This essentially got me both lays! Also I just got a job in at work from another girl I met on that evening. She rang and said ‘erm is the pirate from the Halloween party, yeah I need that quote you were talking about (can’t remember this).
3. Need to be a bit more discreet. This has already harmed my relationship with my flat mate and could potential hurt my rep at work if I’m too reckless (although I do have a bit of a reckless personality – not sure if I’ll ever learn this lesson. Is just who I am)
4. Said this before, but you can feel it when a bird wants to kiss you. Act accordingly. Same with fucking really. I forget this when I’m with girls who don’t want to kiss me and I start thinking of ways to ‘make’ them fancy me. Doesn’t work!
5. Again learnt this before, but don’t fight any resistance. Just be honest about your intentions and don’t care too much about the outcome.
6. Trust your instincts – I knew flat mate was a bad idea even though it seemed good on paper. In fact I might do a thread on this instinct business soon.
7. I fucking love it here!!