Fun in the Sun

This is my new field report section to keep you updated on my life over in the Caribbean. I was going to write a blog, but realised I had to hold back due to family/co-workers etc reading. Without absolutely honesty it wasn’t that interesting or funny, so thought I’d bless you guys with full blown account instead!

By way of background, after 5 years of hard work, I recently landed a dream job over in the Caribbean for a lot more money. I knew no one coming over here and have never been to this country before.

I’ve been here for about 4 weeks. After living in London for 9 years this is a real change. Everyone is so friendly and literally you can just speak to anyone you want, the landscape is absolutely stunning to the point of tears sometimes and it has a real community feel to it.

Weeks 1-2

I don’t think I need to go in details of my first couple of weeks as it’s all about me settling in really. Good fun for me, but appreciate I may lose a few readers if I go into too much detail about my experiences with the immigration department and working out where to buy milk from.

So basically we’re 3 weeks in and I’ve made loads of new friends, settled in, a bit sunburnt and worryingly I have learnt that there are no birds here! In the first couple of weeks I saw only about 5 fuckable birds! Also there is a huge ratio of men to women, about 7:1 (in the expats, more local girls but not fit and tend to stick to there own). However things about to change, cue field reports……

Week 3 - Captain Snake Eyes

3rd weekend in and one of the guys at work has organised a boat trip. It was by far my best day here so far. We sail all over and go snorkelling and get very drunk. Go on a party boat and jump off and do various shots too. I am the only one to jump off the top, which is terrifying, as it is made out of canvas material the roof and I had to jump over these spikes to do it, very high up! Met a real cutie on the boat who was new to the island. There’s nothing there with her, but was pleased to see there are fitties arriving.

Cut forward few hours, few drinks and I am at a Halloween party, smashed and dressed as a pirate. Already freaked out a local woman by showing her the hole in my trousers, but in a good mood.

Again chatting to everyone as it’s like a little village here and I know most people already. I notice an Irish girl I’d been speaking to the night before. I have got to a point now where I know very quickly if I’m going to fuck a girl and when I’d spoken to her the night before I just had a feeling I was going to hook up with her the next night. She is quite cute (enhanced by her Halloween costume) and good fun.

I go off and do my own thing for a bit, I am very over familiar with some people (which actually helps me next week as you will see) and eventually I’m chatting to Irish girl again. It gets to the point where I can feel the sexual tension, I wait for that awkward silence that usually represents us thinking about kissing and low and behold it does again.

We go dance for a bit and soon end up rolling around on the beach basically dry humping. At the time I thought we were discreet, but I have since learnt there are many photos of this and the whole island knows about it. The beach in question was actually part of the dance floor apparently!

I say lets get a taxi. She does the usual I’m not fucking you business. I’m very honest with girls now when they do this. I just said something along the lines of ok I want to fuck you and I think you do me, you’re just acting funny because we just met. I’m not going to beg you for it. Anyway she agrees to get a taxi. I think the key here is I am willing to walk away, which means I don’t seem to get LMR now whereas I used to a lot.

Some guy starts hitting on her before we leave. I kind of take the piss a bit, which was mean, but he knew what was going on so fuck him.

We get back to hers and she seems a lot keener on the sex idea now, but no blow jobs apparently. We fuck it’s cool. I break her lamp. (That’s not a euphemism by the way, we knocked off the lamp whilst fucking. Third lamp I’ve been through this year doing that! It is very comical when this happens especially if the light smashes and the room goes black.)

The next day, we go at it again and realise we’ve got no johnny’s. I go to the super market. Now this might seem like an easy enough task, but the more astute amongst you will remember I am still dressed as a pirate here. I’m not just talking an eye patch, I’ve got the whole sh-bang going on and the locals know it! ‘Hey Captain Jack Sparrow Man, how you doing brother’. ‘Hello’ says an embarrassed Snake Eyes! This carries on and I let the nice little lady in the supermarket know I’m struggling to find the condoms. She points in the right direction and I scuttle off outside to various cheers and sniggers!

We fuck again and I leave. I’m kind of sorry and feel a bit bad that I didn’t see her again this week as she was cool, but she has gone now. I didn’t see her as I want to leave my fucking and drinking to the weekend here. I want to do well at my job and get in kick ass shape during the week. I realise this is going to be tough!

Before we go on I must tell you about the mental taxi driver who decided to take me to the supermarket, take some women home and stopped off for a drink with me before taking me to my car! It was a bit odd, but we had funny. Again I think he liked the costume!

Week 4 - Shaken and Stirred

So in the fourth weekend and feeling a bit bad as I made no effort to see that Irish bird, but out for a few drinks on Friday. I only want a few as I’m running a half marathon here in 2 weeks (yes I stupidly agreed to do a half marathon in the fucking boiling hot Caribbean, most gingers die walking 100 m in the sun, I’ve got to run 13.1 miles in it).

Anyway a few turns into many beers, Jaeger shots and me on the dance floor in a bar showing my stuff. A girl I’d said hi to about half an hour ago, let’s call her Smiler, is there too. She seems like what I used to call a proximity, when I used to take this dance floor game way too seriously! Anyway I bump hips with her and I think I am right about this proximity business. This escalates into full on swinging and dancing. I’m not a good dancer by the way, but I can spin a girl around a bit from the stuff I learnt doing Ceroc and then I usually bring them in and do that dance that looks like a bit like a teapot where your all close, arms around her back and other arms out going up and down and sort of spinning around.

Fit girl from our group grabs me and starts dancing too, which I think helps my cause with Smiler for jealousy reasons.

I notice my hairdresser over by the bar. Yes, I have been here 4 weeks and I have a hairdresser! I go chat to her, but to be honest she isn’t as flirty when she’s not hoping for a post hair cut tip. Kind of doesn’t want me there I think and she leaves me with her male mate. Luckily Smiler is still lurking around and comes in to save me. The man gives her a drink, possibly laced with re-hymnal given his general demeanour but we take the chance. I take Smiler to a bench and we chat for bit until that tension filled silence and a good bit in a song (a kiss is so much more to me if I hit the first kiss on a beat in a song that I like).

Anyway it turns out we have loads in common. Both our Mum’s have MS and her sister is also a Lesbian. It was quite nice to chat to someone who has similar experiences with this stuff.

She does the usual I’m not fucking you tonight, which I have learnt means I’m totally thinking of fucking you right now. I am blatantly honest again. We chat for a bit longer and she mentions last week when I was dressed as a pirate (oh my God, that costume keeps on giving!) and I had being very over familiar with her. I had actually being told that I had offended some girl, last week at the party by my over familiarity, which I suddenly realised this was her. However, she definitely didn’t seem offended now.

I keep noticing her short little skirt and tell her I’m thinking of hoisting up her skirt and doing bad things to her, she replies with you can walk me back to my car.

Half hour later and I’m smashing Smiler in the back seat of her Kia Sportster. Have you any idea how hot it is doing this in the Caribbean! The car is shaking like a mother fucker and it must of looked quite amusing to an on-looker. It’s a fucking nice car btw, probably the best I had been in on the island. I am privileged! This is also the first time I’ve had sex in a car btw. Glad I’ve finally ticked that one off the list!

She drops me off at my car and I go for a little drink drive feeling good about myself. I stop off at a late night bar for a quick night cap and see if a can nab a smoke off someone. Yeah so when’s this half marathon again! (ps I know this drink driving bit is bad, everyone does it here and I’ve sort of followed suit! A bit sheep like, I think it turns out my reluctance to drink drive was more of a social conditioning thing than an actual belief! Poor show on my part)

Anyway the next night and I’m dressed as James Bond and I am Black Jack dealer at a Casino night. Ok, other people were dressed as James Bond, I was just wearing my work clothes as I didn’t bring a dinner jacket here. It’s not even black, it’s navy and I got some black shit smudged on my white shirt. Dealing is not that much fun to be honest.

Smiler is lurking around again, she likes doing that. I’m kind of worried that everyone on the island knows about us already (along with Irish girl too). I suppose I’ve got a player rep which is cool, most guys are just complaining and bitching about the 7:1 ratio whereas I’m actually doing something about the situation, but I don’t like this everyone knowing my business. I’m used to London where I can go around fucking discreetly and then showing off to you guys on here!

Anyway so I end up hanging out with Smiler after the dealing, which hinders me socially a bit. There are a couple of other girls from my work who were looking good and I was having a good time with them before Smiler came along. Although I probably want to avoid work girls tbh! However, I was too nice here really. I was hanging out with Smiler mainly as I felt bad for her if I didn't, but she was pissing me off a bit. It’s this evening that I’m getting all the shit for, which is doubly annoying as I could have done without her on this evening (although we did end up having a lot of fun in the end both sexually and chatting).

I don’t really know what to do about this Smiler now. She’s cool, but I don’t want to date her and I don’t know how to handle this situation where everybody thinks we’re going to hook up. She’s part of a family as well who are quite highly regarded on the ‘social circuit’ and I could end up fucking people off here.

Anyway I’m not going to think about that too much tonight so I take her back to mine. ‘Oh look I live like a minutes drive from you’ says Smiler. (Ok I am getting worried now.) Also, my new flat mate who is also my junior at work is a bit pissed off with me I think. Completely, unjustified btw, she is a bit more reserved than I am and I don’t think she likes this me bringing birds back (see my thread ‘Discretion Needed’). Again, don’t know how to handle this. She stayed at her mate’s house as she didn’t want to stay here and she was really off when she came back today. I’m such an idiot for agreeing to live with this person!

Smiler spends the night and we have a good time. In the morning she leaves after 20 minutes of trying to kill the huge wasps near her car. The wasps here are huge by the way and everywhere. I hate them!

Lessons Learnt

1. This 7:1 ratio is shit really. There is stuff going on here. These girls were not the fittest I've fucked, but I still fancied them and they were by no means rotters or embarrassing lays. Enjoyed both!
2. Pirate costume wins! This essentially got me both lays! Also I just got a job in at work from another girl I met on that evening. She rang and said ‘erm is the pirate from the Halloween party, yeah I need that quote you were talking about (can’t remember this).
3. Need to be a bit more discreet. This has already harmed my relationship with my flat mate and could potential hurt my rep at work if I’m too reckless (although I do have a bit of a reckless personality – not sure if I’ll ever learn this lesson. Is just who I am)
4. Said this before, but you can feel it when a bird wants to kiss you. Act accordingly. Same with fucking really. I forget this when I’m with girls who don’t want to kiss me and I start thinking of ways to ‘make’ them fancy me. Doesn’t work!
5. Again learnt this before, but don’t fight any resistance. Just be honest about your intentions and don’t care too much about the outcome.
6. Trust your instincts – I knew flat mate was a bad idea even though it seemed good on paper. In fact I might do a thread on this instinct business soon.
7. I fucking love it here!!

Great report mate.

As for pirates... after your half marathon in the heat, you might end "dressed up" as a burnt tomato!

Loved the report, glad you adapted so quickly and having fun

That ratio looks a bit worrying especially with the population on those islands, but loved your enthusiasm, guess it shows who likes adventure more these days. Btw don't you have like a tourism season over there? Should increase both population and ration to your advantage

Keep it up

Week 5 – Trouble in Paradise

Everything’s kicking off this week! Flatmate is pissed off at me after last week. My landlady isn’t so keen on me either it would seem as I complained about the wasps and asked for her to pay for a key. Both justified I thought – bitch! I did park in front of her drive I suppose, but the way she reacted was so over the top! I need to move out!

Other than that, think Smiler is a bit annoyed at me too. I bumped into her Friday and she came back again. Was a good evening, but she is annoyed I have made no effort to ask her out for a drink or anything and Saturday night I was flirting away with another girl right in front of her and she ended up going home. She didn’t reply to my text today. I more want to see her now as I feel bad, which isn’t a good thing to do so maybe just leave it. I must say though she has gone up in my estimation since last week however. She is really easy to get on with and we have fun, but I still don’t want to get serious with her. I wish there was a way to not hurt her feelings, but it is inevitable that I’m going to (I think I have already).

One thing I have noticed with her and other girls in recent months is I have been told I’m a ‘bit different from most guys’ but they really like it. In turn I really like this too. I think I am a bit of an odd ball really, but it is good that a) my uniqueness is clearly working for me nowadays and b) has further proved that being yourself does work as the girls that have said this I have acted completely myself with no thought or PUA trickery/manipulation at all. Also Smiler, like other girls have recently, proper loves being ragged around in the bedroom. I am very dominant with girls now whilst having sex and they seem to go crazy for it. As I said to Smiler on Friday, coming from a place with ginger pubes and a distinctly average sized penis I had to get good at other stuff! It’s amazing what you can say to girls when they fancy you and still make them like you more.

Anyway enough with her and let me tell you about new girl, the one I was flirting with in front of Smiler. Now this one is a bit risky, she works at the same place I do. In fact her office is right next to my one (yeah I have my own office here – billy big balls nowadays!). I’ve dated a girl in the same office before and it got awkward!

This one, I got on with straight away but didn’t really fancy at work until last weekend at the gambling night. She was wearing a kick ass dress and looked stunning, Really good figure. She wears boys’ clothes at work that don’t really work for her, but she is a fittie. Was a bit like one of those American teen movies where the geeky girl takes her glasses off and becomes fit. She is a lot darker than most girls I've been with this year which makes a nice change too.

So work girl and I have been flirting quite a bit. She is clearly keen. She invited me to a meal Tuesday night (tonight) with this training dude who is coming, which was so transparent – I’m pretty much the only person in the office not even doing the training! She could have picked someone more suitable, but obviously wanted me there. She keeps on asking me what I’m doing and got annoyed I didn’t invite her for drinks Friday – which given hindsight was very good or things would have been very awkward with Smiler.

Basically it is up to me now if I pursue it. I probably will. Discretion needed!

Lessons Learnt

1. I think I knew this before, but it has really dawned on me this week how attractive I am when I am acting myself. I think some of this is down to this past year doing PUA stuff, so you know I guess I am an example of someone this works for if you use it the right way. Still a lot of stuff that needs sorting in my life, but I am getting there.

2. Most of my problems with women now revolve around how I’m going to juggle more than 1 woman or let girls down without hurting their feelings etc. This again is a good sign.

3. Trust your instincts – will go into this more in a future thread, but I should not have moved into my flat. I managed to convince myself logically it was a good idea whereas all along my gut was telling me, this ain’t going to work.

4. Not really a lesson, but a couple of questions for you guys now. How do you deal with girls you really like but don’t want to get serious with. This is going to be a problem with Smiler and she is going to get hurt.

5. Opinions on inter-work relationships! Bad idea? I suppose whatever happens here I’m always going to shitting on my door step anyhow due to the small community.

nice analogy

you know this anyway mate, but if you genuinely don't want any grief then *don't* shag anyone from the small company you work for!!!!

and if you proceed regardless, then before it gets heated, on a night out you could drop in some of the usual qualifiers such as "oh, I'm so new to this island and so busy - I'm NOT LOOKING for a relationship right now and I just want to HAVE FUN."

If she doesn't reply with some nodding suble agreement like "oh, yes, I just want to have fun too" or similar then it hasn't registered with her! As u said she is really into u. Could follow up with some further qualifier, said with a smile, of "I really am not a relationships person, I am so unreliable and my focus is my job! I just don't want expectations to anything other than two people having some sexy fun together!"

The above qualifiers also applies to your lesson #4.


You probably want to live alone. You've now found out that you won't be lonely in your new island, so flatmate less important.
* A quiet flat is nice relaxing break from all the socialising.
* Also gives the privacy needed to take various birds back to your place - living alone will suit you just fine!
* [Rent costs: living alone vs flatmate] You are earning a lot more than you were in UK so evaluate spending some more on rent, you cheapskate!

Yeah your bang on the money there Rebus! Work girl I've held back on for now. Unsure if we're compatible and given the shit I've got from Smiler in past week unsure if I need more of this type of stress (times ten in workplace!) Gonna chill for a bit on that.

Flat I'm a bit stuck until I find replacement but is better than it was.

will update with week 6 soon!

Drill some black women, some of them are ace shags

im with you on that. I love the contrast between sweet black fanny and my pasty white skin

Ok didn't really keep up with this, so lets give you a brief run down:

Week 6 Work girl fancies me a lot, even after we have a terrible evening out together with this trainer guy. I tell a Sunday School teacher that it is immature to still have an imaginary friend.

Week 7 Turned into a whole massive thing with Smiler, where I invited her to a BBQ to be nice and then changed my mind and said we shouldn't be seeing each other. Effectively I dumped a girl I had slept with 3 times. It was excessive and over the top and made me look stupid. I should have just stopped contact. Work girl fancies me, I'm starting to like another Work girl (work girl 2??)

Week 8 I kiss Work girl 1 and Work girl 2 on same night. Work Girl 1 gives me ultimatum. I go with Work girl 2. She ditches me next night for a diving instructor. Was pretty gutted at the time.

Weeks 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 Can't really remember. Think I was just a bit gutted about work girl 2 and met some potentials. Nothing really going on though. Kissed a girl from each decade on New Years Eve which was quite amusing (19 through to forties). 19 year old was super hot, bit worried the 40 year old was not and this could be a bit embarrassing if she re-appears. Other 2 were alright. No sex though. Just kissing girls at the mo. Not good. Like a teenager. Get cheeked by 2 birds on NYE too who will come into play in January.

Weeks 14, 15,16, 17 I am getting in amazing shape!
Got to know one of the girls that cheeked me (luckily I don't think she remembers). Safa girl, She is really hot and really cool. We had an amazing day out together in this paradise of an island (with other people). That evening she tried to kiss me and then went all weird because I slept with her mate (that damn Smiler again!). I think she fancies me, but she ain't pulling me!
Was meant to go onto a date with hairdresser girl in week 17 (she was the other girl who cheeked me on NYE!). I cancelled as I'm not really that into her. Not for dating anyway. Which brings me to......

No Slag 2012!

So I'm already upping my standards this year and I've already noticed more girls are into me. Last night I could of have got with at least 3 girls. 2 quite fit, the other was average. I was even the one cheeking girls last night.

Then Safa girl turns up. I'm trying to not be a lap dog, but I think it is obvious how much I fancy her. I agreed to get a lift home with her two mates and then opted to stay - pretty obvious that it was because of her!

However, conversation with Safa girl was alright and I think I was acting my charming self. She obviously regrets trying to pull me which obviously is not a good thing. I'm still not entirely sure if this is because of her mate or because she doesn't fancy me.

I made a reference to her having a 'pot belly', which was a joke we had in previous weeks, not just me calling her fat (which she isn't at all by the way, she's really fit which is why I found it funny she gets wound up by this). However, I do have a tendency to push things too far sometimes! She seemed pretty miffed about it although was still in a light hearted way. I'm hoping I was still been funny and charming here and not just offensive!! At least I'm not being too nice!

Anyway, what I need to know is how to play it with her. I can only keep it funny and charming for so long. Eventually I'm going to have to try and pull her again and she's still adamant that she won't because of her mate.
If I'm not careful I'm just going to become her friend or worse some guy is going to turn up and steal her away. She is definitely the fittest single girl on the island!

Yeah so looks like I'm playing something called the 'long game' here. Any tips? I'm not good at that? How do I get a girl who I think fancies me but won't pull me because I shagged her mate?

Act like you dont care & give off the vibe that it'll be her loss if she bins you.

Tell her she is the hotter friend.

Dont get one-itis.