Alright, tonight’s the first night in a week I’ve stayed in. Resisting the urge because I start at 9 tomorrow and if I go out I’m fairly sure I’ll die, so here’s some field reports for my homies in bruges. This is long as fuck but it makes me lawl.

Thursday 21.37
I head out to Jeffy’s free tour. The man is a genius. His understanding of game is brutally efficient. His stories and videos are simultaneously the funniest and most impressive shit ever. And this dude’s projection and whole vibe is insane. His cool rubs off on you. At the end I chat about bling and 9/11 with him and we agree to be BFFs on Facey B.
I shout ‘WHO’S GOING OUT?!?!?’ into the room and for the next few minutes I’m apparently ‘the guy to talk to if you want to go out’. I’m aware that tonight is more about mingling and finding new reliable wings than getting laid. We end up with a full crew of 9 people (read: CHODE CRYSTAL) and head to Tiger Tiger.

10.00 (set 1)
We get in, but this took a while as a result of us being a central London dongfest. I instantly approach the hardest set around (guy and a girl making out) with my lamest opener, ‘is this the best club in London?’. I go in hard, claw both of them. Dude gets pissed off, throws my arm off his back and goes ‘what the FUCK are you doing?’. I’m clearly not warmed up enough. No matter, I plough through for 2 mins and the dude cheers up, even laughs and gives me a raptastic handshake

10.05 (set 2)
This place is EMPTY. This is far too early. In my standard method of zig-zaggery I now do an easy set, a two set of Americans by the bar, again using my shitty opener. One I chat to them a while about America.
Me: Where in America you from?
Friendly bird: Pennsylvania. You know where that is?
Me: Ahh....you’re Amish.
(friendly bird does a megalol)
Me: How about you?
Unfriendly: Conneticut
Me: No idea
Unfriendly: It’s the richest state in America
Me: Cool, buy me a drink
Unfriendly lols
Me: It’s cool, I’m an internet billionaire. Play you cards right and I’ll buy you a mansion and fill it with exotic animals. Then we can get married and have giraffe races.
Unfriendly (now friendly): Haha, deal! I’m Emily
I carry this on for about 15 mins, do some physical game on Emily but realise there’s no point in closing a damn thing this early. They’re staying here so I return to my crew to chill for a while. I chat to some Aussie who’s 5 years deep in game. We decide it’s too empty and too early so we chill and drink then we go out to warm up.

11.10
Me and Aussie dude go out and I show him the drills I like. We walk backwards through crowds, And take turns preaching to people in Picadilly circus about Pomegranates and Bicycles as loud as possible. We open a bunch of moving street sets. I hug strangers and sing somewhere over the rainbow. Then we head back.

11.55
We head back in. The club now looks like something I can work with. I approach another tough set, 4 guys 2 girls. This time I ask the hot girl who’s she is then tell her I love her. A guys comes over, I hug him and he’s subdued. We form a scrum and jump up and down to don’t stop believing. I pick one of the girls up and spin her. Accidentally crack her back (this has happened more than once, my MMA fucks with this move). She still find’s it funny but the escalation is fucked. I tell them they’re all awesome and eject.

12.05
I walk around the corner and see my 2 set from before talking to one of the guys from the free tour. He’s clawing friendly and unfriendly looks displeased.
Wing (I’m shit with names): You’ve got to meet my mate Stein! He’s cool, he’s got bleached hair!
Me: Oh hey guys! You met my mate Wing! (hugs all round)
It’s clear wing wants me to handle Unfriendly. We head to the bar. He’s escalating hard as FUCK on Friendly. Friendly looks a bit uneasy, but this guys physical game is strong so I give hime the benefit of the doubt that he’ll plough through. Unfriendly looks pissed off again. I divert attention
Me: You look bored (I avoided the following words: Sad, Annoyed, Creeped out)
Unfriendly: ‘What’s my name?’
Me: Emily (I’m not THAT shit at names)
Wing buys friendly a shot of tequila. She looks displeased. Emily looks way more displeased. I feel her getting to the point where she’ll blow out Wing in a mo, to I get us both a shot of Apple sours.

12.25
Being American she’d never had it, and she cheers up. ‘Cardinal pickup sin’ I know, but rules exist so you know when to break them.
We head out to the smoking area and friendly give me a cigarette. Wing is still going in HARD. He’s lucky enough to have the problem of tons on confidence but no emotional calibration (easier than the other way round). Then this happened
Friendly: I’m not having sex with you
Wing leaves.
Friendly: Your friend is weird
Me: Yeeah, bit much. He’s a good guy though
Emily: Are all British guys like that
Me: Naah, I’m a chaste man of God. Christian rapper. My name’s MC Eucharist (cheers Tucker Max)
Emily: I thought you were a billionaire
Me: You’re confusing me with Donald Trump (lolzers all round)
We hang out there a while. Some big drunk dude comes up and tries to invade the set. I AMOG him hardcore and he fucks off. Child’s play.
Me (to girls): Let’s go for a totally platonic dance in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

12.45
Dancefloor. The girls show me a dance called the New Jersey Turnpike or Jersey Throwdown or some shit. Net Result is 2 girls grinding on me. Yippee. Emily tells me my blingtastic eagle ring shows my love for America. We trade rings and announce our marriage. Makeout. I chill, grind and vibe with them. The next 45 mins is a blur of makeout, New Jersey Turnpike and suit chodes buying me expensive drinks before I blow them out.
1.30
Girls head to the bathroom, I go to the bar. Smoking chode is there, I chat to him all friendly like then his drunk arse picks up my leg and throws my glorious converse over the bar. I laugh, signal the bouncer and get him thrown out. Fuck you very much.
1.35
I go upstairs, go to an Malaysian 2 set and it goes awesome, one girl loves me. I pick her up and spin her. But I’m DTF tonight and I’m in deep with another set. I forget to number close (sorry Ozzie). To keep my momentum up I do a 7 set. A walks by with short red hair I full on dig and I tell her that. I hug all the girls and spin and dance with red. One of the guys tell me he has no game, and that I clearly do. I swap numbers with him and red and tell him I’ll get him up to speed some time. LAWL.

1.55
I go downstairs and my Aussie mate is in with friendly and Emily, doing awesome. They like him. I like him. He chat to friendly while I chat to Emily and this (along with makeouts and shit) is the main theme with this se for the rest of the night.

2.35
I take a pish.

2.36
I chat to some fit blonde girl with a pierced septum in the hallway. She tells me she loves jack sparrow and Edward Cullen. I tell I’m team Edward and we hug. I don’t close though. This is down to the wire and I’m DTF, I don’t want to hedge my bets and fuck an awesome set up.

3.05
Me and Aussie guy head to the bus. Some suit chode tags along but quickly leaves. She girls a sceptical at first but this happens.
Me: Irrelevant
Aussie: It’s fine

4.35 (Final Chapter)
We’ve been chilling on steps for a while outside these girls dorms. Apparently it only just occurred to them that we wouldn’t get in. Friendly has to gt up at 7. We both try at least the times to extract them to our places, no go. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I state crash off this, going from cool to pissed off. I go sour, call a cab. They go in. I go home in anger, angry I at myself for getting attached and not closing another set.


STICKING POINTS
My standard ones. My skills at logistics suck and I get pissed off at LMR to a point of state crash. I eed to meditate with scented candles and shit.


LESSONS LEARNED
Earlier in the night I thought Wing was being Dumb. He was being smarter than me in a lot of ways. Zero outcome attachment. Zero fear. Physical game as a filter to get rid of every set that isn’t DTF instead of wasting your time trying to be smooth. So:
• Chill
• Approach hard. As Fuck. Get to the point where rejection = 0. Horrible blowouts are fine, wasting hours and not visiting the land of Punan isn’t
• Find out about logistical stuff BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

Utter glory awaits in the next two reports. Stick around homies

Oh, and I number closed a fit black girl from my uni on the tube before we got there by chatting about freshers fair and picadilly institute. Irrelevant I know but I'm drunk and tryin to be thorough.

Phil's style?

lets give u an idea of my friend. he is currently meeting a girl

he said.

I wanna fuck u up the ass

she said she hasnt done it and wouldnt

his reply

"yes well you do now"

"no i dont"

"no... listen to me, you do now"

now she has told him she accepts it is the case. and is now excited at the prospect of anal!

people follow commands, and if your that sure of it they will follow.

i never read ur post... however here is how you close a girl who is attracted to you... forget logistics


Right, anyway fuck the song and dance here is what is going to happen... we are going to yours, and im going to fuck u untill the sun cums up... OK (nod your head).

then dont wait for a reply, it wasnt a question... take her hand and walk her somewer. just lead her from that moment... go back to hers

fuck her.

Hahaha nice. I did 3 days in a row and got lays on the next 2 (not written them up yet), and it was mainly cos things went more in that direction. Not that agressive I don't think. maybe the one on saturday was, that one's way shorter so I'll write it up. I'll have to try that though, fuck it, why not.