The Monkey Buster Reports
 

Well! What a rampage of a weekend! 4 days off work, 4 days on PU.

But this weekend has been a hugely frustrating time for me. I feel that I've slipped back into my shell. Hardly any approaches and the approaches that I did do were border line pathetic! No really approaches Friday bar the one's that were 'wildcarded' to me by Hustler (nice one for Friday by the way dude - soz for being such a wet blanket).

Saturday and Sunday were pretty awful too... Saturday I didn't approach all night bar a 2 set at the end that 1. couldn't really hear me 2. were fed up by all the chodes that talked to them previously... Sunday was just as bad cos I'd complete lost my balls... and actually approached nobody! ARGH!

I've been trying to think today about how the hell I can counter this. I know that I have a disproportionate fear of approaching. So if anything, I need to concentrate on tactics that help me SMASH the brick wall that stands between me and meeting people I don't know.

So my plans are to stick to one or two routines and run them into oblivion when I'm out... I mean like for the next month!! I don't care if people know me as the Hot or Cold Custard guy... or the guy that can't organise a fancy dress party for shit... I just need to approach, approach approach. I want to be accepted, rejected, ignored, been told to fuck off because I know the more I hear that, the more approaches I'm doing. The point here is, not to practice technique, but to destroy my fear of approach.

I'm also going to set aside one week every month that I call 'Approach Week'; this week I will dedicate to overcoming my fear and ultimately feeling comfortable with the discomfort of my feelings for approach (I know the fear will never go away). Basically, I'm going to seek out women / situations that scare the living shit out of me and just approach.

In martial arts, there's this guy, called Geoff Thompson, who was seeking out the best way to learn self defence... I mean, real self defence... the sort of skills required to fight your way out of a middle of a brawl outside the Fish 'n' Chip shop on a Saturday night. Blood. Snot. And broken bones. Through his journey, he discovered that just going to a martial arts class wasn't enough. So he became a Doorman on the door on the roughest place in town (1980's Coventry)! He learnt very quickly how to defend himself against the scum of the street. Ultimately, this guy was scared of fighting... so scared that he would do anything to become comfortable with the fear of confrontation. (Check him out... Watch My Back is a great read!).

I'm taking inspiration from this (and actually Darood! You rock man! So god damn fearless when it comes to approach) I'm wondering if this will help become desensitised and free me so I can concentrate moving further into my game.

The other way is Wildcards... Hustler and I went out Friday... we were 'talking' game. It's great that we conversing over the various elements. But I also started to get annoyed with myself (this is not directed at you Hustler – just me venting). We were letting sets slip by, sitting around doing nothing but talking. But we both knew that we wanted to get up and get stuck in. I can talk good game... but that's bullshit... I want to DO good game. So I told Hustler. He suggested Wildcards (he said Kowalski inspired him to do this when he was in Manchester – he had him clucking like a chicken as an opener). We did it. We approached. We forced each other to open various sets... sometimes they were the sets that we initial didn't want to do due to AA... other times it was opening a set with stupid openers (Mine was to ask a group of girls tips on Bum Sex – actually they took it very well... my opener that is!). We are going to be doing this even more when go out. If you're new to the game or have an AA monkey on your back... then get your mates to set you Wildcards. It's amazing what you'll do when pride / face is involved! Haha!

To (re-)quote Covert...

Wise words! It's time for me to man up, shut the fuck up and get out and do some approaches.

Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself, although the fact that you're disappointed with yourself will make you strive to do better next time. You've got good potential at this, having met you a number of times now you're a decent guy who possesses good and attractive character traits. You're always fun, positive and genuine there is nothing remotely odd about you, all the odds are stacked in your favor. The way you interact with me and the other guys is your true authentic self you just need to transfer the way you interact with us guys to the way you interact with random women. Easier said than done I know.

However, I'm not going to give you any stick if you want to go down the canned route for a while, if anything i'd encourage you do to that for a short while until you feel more comfortable opening. Before you learnt to ride a bike I'm sure you used stabilisers....big deal. Everybody has to start somewhere. When I first started I was Mr Tatto opener guy, Jynx was Mr Dental Floss opener guy.

Hell, next time we go out lets just open with the lamest canned crap we can think of. It's fun as we found out last Friday.

Use the canned stuff mate! Use it to death cos thats what it takes to realise the limitations that you have with it.

Is correct.

To anyone who is having problems with overcoming AA and learning to open, I would strongly reccommend the use of canned material for a period of time. You don't need a canned routine as such. Just an opening line, a topic of conversation to get you used to having 30 second conversations.

I wouldn't have learned to overcome my own AA without the use of canned openers. I've spent a few months going round town asking girls their opinions of the correct temperature at which custard can be served. This isn't a problem at all, and teaches you that opening is a perfectly normal thing to do.

There is also another benefit. AA manifests itself often in the form of a question: "But, I don't know what to say?". Having a canned opened gives you something to say, which you can have on the tip of your tongue ready to spit out at any given second.

MB - it sounds like you're having a few problems mate. But the best thing is, you're more than capable of solving those problems. You are completely in control of your destiny here.

Take action, and make things happen.

Monkey Buster Report 2
 

So I know this is a little late. I've been busy, trying to find the time to sit down and assess the shenanigans of last weekend.

Friday

Ever since I started getting interested in Pickup, come Friday, I'm absolutely buzzing! I haven't had that feeling for YEARS! I really enjoy my work but its stressful. Emotionally, I stay at a certain baseline level; never too excited in the good times and never too down when things are bad. But I can't stop that Friday feeling! Woo!

I wasn't planning on hitting Bristol because everyone on the forum was off doing their own thing. I happened to mention in the office that I was thinking about it and before you know it, I'd recruited 8 people to go out! My excitement must be infectious!

Anyway... I was dealing with a lot of drunking, unsarging work mates but whenever I saw the opportunity I manage to get a few conversations going.

Last week, the Let's get Naked post and my Cheltenham report really gave me a lot of food for thought. My goal is to start as many conversations I can. I pushed my view out there that it doesn't matter if you open with canned material; all that matters is that you open! I thought about this a lot and came to the conclusion that I would attempt to open without canned material but if I was flapping and didn't know what to say, I would use it as a fallback (a fair trade I think.)

Back to Friday. I managed to open 3 sets. First was a 2 set by the cash point; great situational opener about cash machines giving out £5 notes. I got chatting for them for a bit about being a student, pressing her £200 button, where to go, etc. The conversation came to a natural conclusion and we wandered off in different directions. In hindsight, I should have asked where they were going! Doh!

I had a revelation about this kind of set and time delays; where you will get chatting to a girl/group of girls, have your funny, banterish conversation, leave (must be high energy), inject a short time delay and later on, meet up again; That time delay seems to amplify the familiarity between you. If you leave the set on a high energy eject (“OMG! I love this song! I going to shake my booty! Catch up later!”) it's easy to hook up later with a greater level of 'connection'.

If I asked the Cash Point girls where they were going and hooked up with them, I'm sure our connection would have amplify (“Hey! It's you! The crazy Cash Point girl! Are you ready for me to press that £200 button?” - or something like that!). And so the conversation would continue.

The main set I opened was a cute HB8 at some semi busy bar at the top end of Bristol. She was at the bar, and I got my usual nervous feeling. I was going to open up with a bit of Canned... when suddenly... I the words “Hey! How are you!” came flying out my mouth. (Did Kowalski take over my voice box?). We had a bit of a conversation at the bar.

Conversation aside, I was actually quite shocked how good a response I got from just opening normally! It was great! But thinking about it, I still have a few issues with this type of opener... The main one being the “Natural opener” Path to Nowhere; With a canned opener you have a line of conversation that you naturally follow, the same with a situational... but with a natural opener, I find myself chatting about where you've been, prices of drinks, the weather.... zzzzz. It almost feels like you have to have a conversation piece lined up to bring the energy up. K has linked me to an awesome book that had some great insights on being Social vs being Seductive which I'm sure will have some insights on this. I feel Natural Conversation is hard to shift into a Seduction gear... Maybe I need to bring my energy levels up on the initial open.... i.e. Covert's “What girls talking about” opener... hmmmmm... I need to think about this more.

Saturday

Sunny Saturday morning, one of my mates in Derby blows the Man Horn (that's a pretty bad phrase... need to change that) and before I know it, I'm chugging across the clogged archery of the UK motorway system (M42) and joining forces with my pals (think Power Rangers... okay... maybe more Captain Planet) for a good ol' blow out.

I've mentioned these guys before. They have great energy and we always have a good night talking to girls and busting some shapes on the dance floor! And I was on fire! Straight in, talking to any girl I could. But 2 particular sets stand out for me.

The first was when I got speaking to some crazy old guy (hold on, this isn't not the set!)... most people avoid/ignore the 'crazy' getting ratted at the end of the bar... but I don't. This guy is usually the most social guy in the bar – he has no Social boundaries; lost though many years of drink, talking to himself and generally a little bit mental. He'll go and talk to anyone. I knew it was a matter of time before the crazy dude attempts to chat to the hot girls (who become slightly awkward, looking for someone to save them). This is when I go in and speak to Mr Crazy who's ready to big me up because I spoke to him earlier on ;)- Then, half way from the conversation, I point to the girl subtly then to Mr Crazy and say to her “So... is this your Dad?” Haaaaaa! The reactions get and follow up conversations are great fun. This time round I got a awesome response... but before I knew it... all my friends had ram-raided me; jumping all over my back and not giving me any time to push things further... nightmare.

The second was a dance floor set. I want to talk about this because CO was asking about it in his FR. The best (and easiest) dance floor sets (I find) are the ones that are high energy anyway; It's so easy to take your jacket off, swing it round your head, grab to the girl and crazy dance... grinding 'n' all. It's harder to get some girl going when she's 2-stepping with her mates in a group. Dave more or less gave the same advice I have but what I fail at every time is to take it to the next level. After I grind for a bit, spank her booty, “Time of your life” lift... I've realised there's nowhere else you can go with continuing dancing with her. Next time I'm going to try getting straight in for the kiss close... then isolating. What's your guys thoughts on that?

I had a great weekend and I ended up at some girls house who I picked up in Bristol with Pav about 3 weeks ago. I just so happened that she lived in Derby! Really cool girl that I got on with awesomely! Nice of her to let me in when I was aaaaaaabsssollutely steaming! ;) Smooth!

YES. You have saved yourself months of using bullshit openers that mean nothing to you. Now you have has your first realisation that girls find it perfectly acceptable for you to go and say hi (without the need for some lame excuse) you can build on being comfortable with just chatting about random shit, and like K says, start concentrating on escalating :hihi:

Full marks mate!

Awesome field report MB, that thing about the Man Horn cracked me up! Reminds me of The Thick of It, where Ollie gets dumped and whatsisface from the Opposition says "It'll be like Lord of the Rings - I will be Aragorn the noble king, and you can be Boromir - your horn is broken and will be blown no more". Top stuff.

It's wicked you're getting into natural openings. It really is the way forward, and you'll find you come on in leaps and bounds in the next few weeks. Don't worry about not having a natural route for the conversation to take - you'll find you start to feel comfortable talking about anything, and the girl will naturally follow your strong lead. If you want a starting point, ask an open-ended question:

"Are you a student?" (this is my favourite)
"What do you do?"
"What's your favourite flavour of crisp? I like prawn cocktail"
"What's your favourite place to go on holiday?"
"I want to know about you - where are you from?"

Obviously, some are better than others but you get the idea. From here a conversation is easy as pie.

The energy level thing is big as well. That thing you said about your excitement being contageous? Spot on! It really fucking is. And what's more, those lasses on the dancefloor seeing you having an awesome time in the "warm end of the pool" are going to want in on that. The fact that you were out with your mates and having an amazing night regardless of chick attention will have done you loads of favours too.

I'm in a similar situation with escalating. I, too, tend to err on the side of being social rather than being seductive and it works against me. I'm re-reading Juggler at the moment, and he's got some cool tips to get things heated up. Things like suggesting that you both do something really hot then immediately withdrawing the offer:

"You know what we should do? Go back to mine and lick chocolate sauce off each other. Oh actually, I just ran out. Never mind"

The idea is, even if she rejects the idea (which she almost certainly will), she will still be thinking about dirty shit you could get up to and this will turn her on. Other key things to do are, like Kowalski said, plenty of touching (put your arm around her waist as you go to talk to her, hold her hand as you isolate her etc...) and some statements of interest:

"You're sexy, I like that"
"You look stunning"

I find it's best to do this as if you're talking about the weather or the fact that your drink has too much ice in it. If you do it to get a reaction from her, she'll know and won't bite.

Dude, I can't wait to get back to Bristol. We are so hitting that town and its honeys! The good news is I just passed a mock driving test and the real thing is on monday, so fingers crossed I'll be down soon!

T'was: Setting Positive Boundaries. This applies as much for conversational gymnastics as it does for kino and physical contact. If you set a boundary early on where you show a girl you don't give a fuck what you say or what she thinks, she'll reciprocate.

And similarly, if you're very nice and sweet and polite, she'll be nice and sweet and polite. But this doesn't get you very far in terms of building comfort.

I will often happily (but playfully) tell a girl to fuck off early on. This is setting another boundary - 'I'm comfortable enough with you to treat you like I've known you for years'.

But you're dead right K, it applies first and foremost to Kino. Get it down in the first few seconds of an interaction - leave it any longer, and those boundaries get entrenched, and become difficult to move.

In my last FR, I mentioned how I was in a set, but failed to get those boundaries set early on. I was hesitant with my touches, light brushes on her arm and a gentle, softly softly approach. When I tried to escelate 10 minutes later by putting my hand more forcefully on her back, she noticed, and she actually said the words 'don't touch me' and visibly reeled back. The boundaries I'd set were cautious and suggested a lack of comfort. When I broke those boundaries, she objected and resisted.

Any set you open is one you can re-enter later on. I don't even think you need to leave the set high energy. Once you've spoken to a girl or group of girls, you have a relationship with them. You are well within your rights to re-open this group later on.

You can eject from a set by saying anything, regardless of energy 'Well, I'm going to get back to my friends. See you later'... And then re-enter 20 minutes later with 'Miss me?'.

Top class man! Absolutely top class! Like you said in a post recently, we're in similar places with our respective games. You're doing well man!

Dance floor game seems to me to be tricky. Personally, its something I want to get a handle on as so much time on a night out is spent on a dance floor.

The approach you describe above requires you to maintain a high level of energy throughout. You'd need to transition from a 'dancing wildly' vibe to an 'I am now going to kiss you' vibe. That can be immensely complex, and again has the potential to bring the energy down, unless that transition is made in a split second.

First rules for dance floor game are to have fun on your own terms, and become comfortable. Be sociable. Make it normal to dance with other people. And from there... Well, I'll let you know when I get there!



On the whole though, MB, cracking report, brought a big smile to my face reading that! You're making really good progress mate, can't wait to wing with you soon man! :)

The Long PU Weekend - Part 1
 

Wow!

What a great weekend! The Sun was out and there was plenty of PU action to taken advantage of in Bristol. What's great is that I am consistently learning awesome skills every time I go out. I realised that I will never stop learning; each new approach, each opener, each rejection, each success is teaching me something new. Something I hope will continue throughout my social development journey.

The main thing I've learnt this weekend, is that the girls that have good conversations with, are girls that I actually connect with and would really want to get to know! That's the ultimate goal (for me) of Social Development. To meet awesome people! And if I get my balls licked as well, then that's a bonus! (haha! Crass, I know! :) )

So this could be a long one (standard!) so I better get going:

Friday

Firstly, I'm surprised by the lack of people out in Bristol on Friday. I was pretty dead! But also I put the shout out to a few peps on the board and no one was available (bar Pav!). Maybe it was too short notice... but I like to be spontaneous! I've subscribed to overcome my social anxieties so every weekend is a PU weekend for me! If you South West guys are serious about getting good a meeting people, then haul ass and come on out!

So, I met Pav down the Water Front. When I got there, he was already talking to a lady so we all got chatting until her boyfriend turned up. Friday was seriously hit and miss for me. We cruised round a few places and got chatting to a small number of girls here and there. I'm still suffering with bailing too early. Thinking about it, this probably means I've made some progression... I'm managing to get more sets open and obtain some pretty good reactions. But (mostly) I get 2 mins in and bail. I'm not worried about it though. I've hit my next obstacle. I'll find a way to get over it! Here's an example:

I'm at the bar. Two ladies have their back turned away from me. Not ideal. But I don't see this a problem. I notice there are ordering two massive cocktail jugs. So I lean in and go for the situational:

[me] Excuse me ladies, but I couldn't help but ask. Those two massive cocktails aren't just for you are they?
[girls] Yeah... (flippant over the shoulder – this doesn't deter me)
[me] … Seriously, you two are going to be wasted! I mean, look at the size of them! You girls know how to party! Which one did you get?
[girls] … (blah blah... they warm up a bit)
[me] I can wait to see you drink those all by yourselves.
[girls] Well, we have another mate that will be drinking them...
[me] Oh yeah? Where is she?
[girls] (they point – she's on her own looking sad!)
[me] OMG! You left her on her own! You two are terrible friends.
[girls] (She's saving the seats / she does look sad / more random comments). So why don't you go and sit with her and say hello?
[me] Nah she's alright over there looking sad and lonely on her own... (***BAIL ALARM!***)

Conversation naturally comes to a close.

Now, I know where I went wrong. If I said... “Yeah! I'll go speak to her now!” then it would have lead to a 10 – 20 min conversation. But I just didn't take the opportunity! Doh!

This week I had my first Bitch Set! (woo!)

I approached a couple of girls outside under the heaters. I conveniently positioned myself near them with my back to them . For some reason there was a babies bottle on the floor and loads of nappies on the table next to them (random!)

[me] excuse me, but I think you've just dropped your bottle on the floor.
[girl] (frowns viciously) you what?!?
[me] I said, I think you dropped your bottle... look... (obviously, I'm attempting to have a jokey tone to my comment)
[girl] … (frown turns into a scowl) yeah... and?
[me] … oh ok... I was just starting a conversation that all... Why are all these nappies everywhere?
[girl] … you must be wearing one... have you shit yourself or something?!
[me] (I actually thought that was quiet witty and funny) haha! I'm not sure... do you want to check?
[girl] (scowl turns into a bitch face!) whatever...
[me] (eye brow raise. Back turn)

Ok... maybe not the best conversation starter... but one that could have lead to something more light hearted. She was just being a bitch. Trying to close me down at every point. And you know what! It wasn't that bad! If she rude / tries to humiliate me / tell me to fuck off... it's their problem. Thanks for letting me know early that you're a cock... now bugger off!

Anyway... we ended up in Stinky Disco (again) but there wasn't much action on my part. There was a two set we talked to for about 20mins. Pav was getting on great with his girl... but I wasn't connecting with mine... I just didn't fancy her. But I kept her busy will the maestro worked his magic (I'll let him tell the story if he wants!).

I attempted to open a couple of sets, but I did manage to connect with them very well. So all in all, I came out empty handed! But (again – another revelation) I wasn't too down on my lack of success. I can see how it can be very easy to beat yourself up for no approaching / number closing / f-closing more. But it's only one night and tomorrow is another day! As long as the good days balance out with the bad days, then it's all good!

And Saturday was an AWESOME day!

Sooo much happened on Saturday, that I'm going to write it up tomorrow! Ha!

Good work MB! I like reading your field reports. You seem to be progressing at the same time and in same way as I am.

About the 1st set you mention. Why did you bail man? Not only was it an open invitation, but a perfect situation to get chatting to another girl. My guess is you may be afraid of success?

Also, on the second set. Sounds like they were twats anyway. Nothing wrong with the opener. Even if there was, it's not so bad that it warrents for that sort of reaction. You handled it well.

Keep up the good work

friday
 

yes ... if i would b such a good writer as u r .... i take me ages to wright anything down because english is my second language .(try to create field report in polish :hihi: ) yes it was good to work with u . u are the first person i met in Bristol who actually take whole thing as a lifestyle and not afraid to chalenge . (sorry guys) .
sorry by my poor dance floor acting but ,but its not my cup of tee. at least when im sober. will try to improve though .

Saturday Day Game - First time
 

Sorry for the delay on getting this done but work has been too manic! So:

Saturday

I decided that I would branch out my efforts and try a bit of day game. I managed to get out round about 3-4ish. The night before, Pav and I discussed where the best parts were for day gaming. He said that shopping centres are a bit of a no-go and I tend to agree; Everyone is rushing around, getting whatever they need to do done. And we fancied something a bit more relaxed. So we attempted the Water Front, a few parks and pubs around the place.

Though the sun was waning, it was busy. There were crowds of people scattered around the harbour, so we pitched our flag and bought a couple of drinks. Now, I've never intentional gone out in the day to practice but I had a good feel for it. You have to bring the energy down from the night game, which I found easy. I also wanted to hold true and not sit-around-talking-game all day either.

We moved from bar to harbour to bar intermittently and attempted a few sets but nothing was really working. It's seemed like the softly-softly approach was not working too well as we'd casually start conversation and not really engage.

So Pav (in all his greatness) suggested we get some money involved. We sort of made the rules up as we went along as this was the first time I really played this. Here they are as we played them:

1.£20 in (or whatever! The higher the better!)
2.£5 is given back for every approach.
3.The guy holding the money gets to choose each approach
4.Choosing your own approach doesn't count (as I found out!)
5.The girls you don't approach, the guy holding your money gets it.
6.You have 30 seconds to approach.
7.You can't send someone in to your blown up set (i.e. you man fucks up an approach and he sends you in to mop up – not cool!) Basically, each set has to be with different people.

Now, most people probably wouldn't play this game. But that extra kick up the ass to get your money back will be extra impetus to approach. I find the direct approach can be harder... just because it feels slightly unnatural... well... I mean, different to night game. Most girls are expecting to be approached at some point at night... but day is so much more personal. When I subscribed myself to achieve social awesomeness, I also decided I would do anything to achieve my goal! Even lose money!

I went to get a couple of notes from the cash point, and noticed a couple of girls walking round taking pictures. They were a bit too far and walking away for me to make that approach... but I remembered them for later ;)

We went to grab a bit to eat and Pav pointed my first set out. A couple of dark haired girls sitting outside a bar. The clock started ticking. I was hit by an adrenaline bomb that nearly took me out... but I shut my thoughts off and approached.

[me] “hey there... I was just walking round Bristol trying to get to know where the best places to go are. Are you two from Bristol?”
[girls] (look at each other, then look at me)... “Nno... no hablo ingles...”

Shit! I knew what that meant. I should have taken those Spanish classes! (It was reminded about the time I attempted to chat a Spanish girl up before; After about 5 mins trying to communicate, she just got up and walked away when I was mid-sentence. She left me talking to thin air! Classic blow out! And I wasn't about to do that again!) So I just bombed and didn't even to attempt to converse and walked away with my tail between my legs.

Pav said: “What the hell was that!”. I explained! Still! It earned me a £5! Woo!

Not long after that, I spotted a couple of ladies sitting in the window of a coffee shop. It was a hard approach as they were in crowd of people deep in conversation. Target acquired! I told Pav. He stalled slightly, sucked in the fear and went for it as I held back.

Fair dues to the guy! He blitzed it. I probably would have seriously shit my pants! He got talking to them for a good 5 mins. They were apparently a couple of French girls and were pretty hot! Even though he didn't get their number's, he completed the task. Earned himself some cash back!

It wasn't long before I spotted another couple of girls just sitting down to chill for a bit. So I sent Pav straight in again and this time he was away! Straight in talking to them. After a few minutes he signalled me to come over. We all got chatting and it turned out they were from Poland! Pav obviously had the advantage over me. We chatted for a bit longer; I let Pav lead as it was his play (and could speak their language!). I can't remember if he got their number. Maybe it was a bit too short a time frame ask for it.

We left the set buzzing! As we were discussing what just happened, we decided to get a drink somewhere and I was walking up the road I spotted the couple of girls that were walking around taking pictures. I instantly spun round to Pav and said “My set! Back in a bit” and off I went.

I got talking to these girls for a bit then Pav joined at me. We had these 2 girls in conversation in the middle of the street for at least 10 minutes. It was awesome; Though great socially, it was a little raw on leading anywhere. I'm starting to see where I need to start to escalate. I mentioned that we should all hook up later and go out for something to eat but they initially turned me down... later the one girl said said that she won't mind my number.... Playing the same game, I said, “One minute you don't want it, the next minute you do! But you've had your chance!” - I felt I could have got their numbers but for some reason didn't! I think I let my pride get in the way because they blow me out initially.

I said we'd probably bump into them later on and we would catch up with them then. (We never did!). Either way, it left me feeling elated!

By the time we hit the bar it was getting on, so I called it a night.

Good day! Defo on for when I'm back off holiday (which will be interesting as I'm going on my own – long story!). I'm sure there will be plenty to report!

Fantastic report dude! I tried daygame with Pav ages back, but nothing really worked out for us. It was a combination of things - like you said, Cabot Circus is rubbish for gaming. There are too many 15-year-olds and couples. But similarly, as K pointed out, even when we did see a hot approachable girl, we weren't pushing ourselves to do it because we had a mindset of "the shopping centre is crap for approaching".

Serious respect for having a good crack at it though, daygame is so much more daunting and if you can get over that hurdle (something I still want to do) then you're away.

I'm determined to give daygame another shot. I didn't get the most out of it the first few times and this money game thing is a wicked idea.

I'm back tonight, I'll post something in the wingman section.

Quality!
 

Quality K! Love the feedback. Last night I was so tired, I almost subconsiously wrote it without too much thought. Reading it back, there are few negative beliefs there. So top man for pulling me up on that!

I will have a look at each and think about how I can smash down those walls!

Cheers for the feedback! Keep it coming.

K - p.s. I'm getting through that book slowly... I will get back to you soon about it. But I'm loving the line of thought.

Well done MB. This is inspiring. I'll second everything K said. Particularly the fact that shopping areas aren't out of bounds and that you can number close when you choose to, no time restrictions apply. Basically there are no restrictions, that's beauty of day game!!

Bristol -15th May 2010
 

Hi guys! It's that time again!

Well, first thing was Cheltenham feel though. No biggie... just a logistic issue. So I stayed in Bristol and caught up with Ali who recently joined the board (alright mate!). It seems like he's been doing this for a while. I rocked up to his flat and it's a bit of a bachelor pad! Balcony, Pool table and a phat flatscreen. All near the centre of Bizzle. Nice!

We had a drink and his then headed off into town. We went to some hot little Cocktail bar at the top of Park Street. Tasty posh little place; not your usual chodey chain bar that I've often frequented at the start of the night. Exotic drinks, the right amount of people and some good old school Funk playing in the background. Awesome warm up venue.

I said to Ali that I would follow his lead as I felt he had more experience at PU than me. And I wanted to see how he worked.

Problem was, I didn't get a chance to at the start of the night. As we walk in, he turns to me and says “Right! We need to walk in, split off and start chatting to first group of girls we get to!” I was a rabbit in the head lights (it was the wildcard effect!). I didn't think about it... and just rocked into the place.

3 seconds in I lucky found a hen party to chat to. Jokingly I asked the bride why she was dress up like a Princess (playing the fool!). I was in; standing in the centre of their circle, chatting up the brides maid and her fit friend.

This continued for about 30mins. We talked to loads of different people, groups, mixed and random girls sitting on chairs on their own. It was weird because I felt like I had my first dose of high social proof. We worked the room and I felt that we owned a piece of it. But the best was yet to come.

Ali and I spotted the 2 set in the corner, so we made our way over to them. They had a couple of seats next to them. I asked if anyone was sitting in them. Through a rye smile they said 'Yeah sorry... they're taken'. They didn't want these 2 randoms sitting with them. We said fine.

We stood there near them. And I took the initiative to sit down in a mixed set of older looking opposite them. I sat next to a girl and a Ali sat next to a guy. The girl I sat down next to turned round and said...

“You can sit there... as long as you don't talk to us” - It was in a jokey fashion.

I remember think “Bitch! Right you're having it!”

The strange thing is, I don't really remember what I said but we started talking. I was really careful to not ask any questions. I've been wanting to practice a bit of Juggler none question theory (you know, where you never ask direct questions. Just strong statements like “Beauty is a common thing, but what really matters is a good personality and open outlook on life”... wait and see what they respond with).

Next thing you know, we'd been talking for 5 mins. She turns round and says to me:

“So... where you from?”
“OMG! I thought we weren't going to talk to me? We've been talking for 5 minutes!”
“Ha! [Some fluff I can't remember]”
“I from Chepstow – I've just come over from Bristol to have a good night out”
“Yeah... I know Chepstow well”
“Really? Funny! Most people don't know where it is! It must be only educated people that know where it is [She was a 27 Lawyer – very well spoken and educated and not from Bristol so I assumed she went to Bristol uni – where the posh people go!]
“[stories about Chepstow]”
“I'm thinking about going up to Clifton later.”
“[opinions of Clifton, the nightlife and the stuck up people]”

etc, etc, etc.

My conversion went on like this for a while until Ali said we should move on. It's funny though, how you can turn a conversation round from “Don't speak to me” to her asking me questions! I like those Juggler statements, they seem to work well.

The funny thing was, Ali turns round to be and says “You know that 2 set in the corner (now a 4 set... their mates came back to claim there seats)... well, they've been staring at us the whole time” By sitting down next to them, chatting and laughing with another group, we'd raised our social proof. I turned round to see them sitting there, looking at us, sitting in the way girls sit that just screams “Hey come and speak to us now!”

For some reason, we never did. This was a bit of a turning point in the night for me. Thinking back, I realised I was fucking knackered... it was only 12.30 but I was flagging already... and I couldn't have a drink to prop me up cos I was driving (me and drink – a completely different post!)

We headed up to Ponana's (literally haven't been to a Ponana for about 8 years!). The place was rammed! Too rammed! And to a non-pissed, tired, sarger, I was flagging big style.

Though I was funked, I had a couple of good chats.

First, whilst stuck against the wall, I started chatting to this pretty girl part of a hen party. I started teasing her about her mate copping off with some guy. I bet her, he'll be necking her within 2 minutes. We laughed and joked for a bit. And then she went off to find her mates.

Later on I saw her with her mates... I pointed at her and said “OMG! You actually DO have some friends” She giggled and said:

HB: “We're going to dance... are you coming?”
MB: “We're just going to get a drink... we'll come and find you in a bit”
HB “... okay …” [into the crowd she goes...]

I didn't see her again all night! Doh! I've done this a couple of times now and completely lost the opportunity. And, as always, those opportunities never appear again! Dudes! Slap me round the head if you see me do this again! I should drop everything and just followed!

Other stuff was pretty minimal and not interesting enough to write about.

It was a good night, but I was a little off. I'm still having issues approaching seriously hot sets or are more than a 2 set. Also, I need to start escalating more and a lot quicker. 3 months in and my game is improving, but I still have a long way to go.

You're doing well man. From what I've seen and read from your posts I wouldn't say approaching is a major issue for you. The big one is taking risks by moving things forward and closing.

If you can get your hands on RSD's transformations, do it. In Ozzies section of the seminar he talks about closing. He talks about how closing is why you're in the game in the first place. But in a far more long winded and inspirational way.

Nice one MB. Sounds like you had a ball. Was great that your mate got you to just get stuck in straight away. It's the old chesnut of the longer you leave it the harder it gets. Good game!

I agree, escalation is something you need to consider more if your going to capitalise on those opportunities.

Progress!
 

So, it's been a while since I created a report. Mainly the reason is because I hit a lull in my PU; not going out much, working too hard, etc. nothing to write home about... I'm sure we all do it from time to time.

The main thing is that I tried to do as much as I could; if I was out and about and chatting to a lovely lady the charm just seemed to be turn on. Nice! Why is this? My theory was PU is becoming a part of me, rather than some alter ego that I hide away in a cupboard hidden only to wear out on a weekend. For me, this is important. Strengthening the pulling muscles I already have rather than replacing myself with a fake stunt double.... ultimately, I see this a change within myself rather than a change of the myself; Good!

I was getting frustrated though. I felt like I wasn't going out enough. My belief is that 90% of PU is putting yourself out there; So I moved to Bristol. I was looking for a flat at the time and BCB (hello mate!) decided that he was looking for a flat too. The best part is that we found a flat slap bang in the centre of Bristol! Cha-ching!

I've been out every single night in the last week and I can honestly say I'm having a right laugh. If I can look back at when I started I've come on a load! I notice that my approaches have become more confident, I can hold a conversation better and I'm getting more numbers than ever! Mainly due the fact that I'm now living and breathing PU. Here are a few things I've learnt along the way:

Have fun! - That should be the sole reason you go out! It bugs me standing in a group other guys and you can see them dancing whilst looking round all over the place looking for girls to chat up. If you're doing that, you're not truly in the moment of having fun! Let it go... have a laugh and notice the girls more naturally. The main side effect of having fun is you'll find the girls will come to you. I found this strange at first.... I'll be dancing and smiling, laughing with my mates and the next thing I know, I'm surrounded by girls! (obviously this PU stuff becomes 100x easier if they come to you right?) It's seems the simple fact that you're giving out a good vibe attracts the people around you. But I'm not gonna get all 'The Secret' on you... but try it for yourself; you'll see what I mean.

Chatting to girls is the best way to become good at chatting to girls - There's a similar concept in Judo... the best exercise in to learn Judo is Judo... That's it really. Just do it. Don't fuck about, just chat. Nothing else but chat... honestly, i've been so surprised that open people are! More people have chatted to me than I initially thought. The one thing I took from the Blueprint is that, actually, I am worth speaking too! More and more, my mindset is changing to believe that if someone blows me out, then its more a problem with them! I'm not going to take it personally, because I know I am a good, nice, honest, interesting guy. So if anyone is rude enough to not give me the minimum respect a human being deserves, then thats not a person I want to know. (This is my belief for any relationship; business, family, PU.)

DON'T MISTAKE ACTION FOR PROGRESS - Keep pushing your boundaries - Don't stop moving forward. Do the things that scare you. For me, there are still some approaches / situations I still feel uncomfortable with. I've realised (for me) that on the other-side of pain, on the other-side on the uncomfortable situation, is the growth I'm looking for. The growth that will stretch my limited beliefs beyond what I initially thought was comprehendible. There's no way round it. Only straight through the middle. Usually the observation of that uncomfortable situation is a lot worse than actually going through it. So jump straight into the middle, suck it in and learn to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable. Also there is no ONE-SIZE FITS ALL OPENER - On the flip side, there is nothing wrong with that type of opener. There's only the right opener for that situation. I've battled with my own consciousness to decide which is better, my canned openers or my natural 'Hello' opener. But I realised that both are good as each other... like I said before, at the right time and place. What we need to avoid though is that we become inflexible with how we being our conversation; I've seen guys fall into the trap of opening with the same line over and over and over... not good... you're not assessing the situation properly.

Also, heres few other things I've noticed about PUA (and traps I've fallen into along the way)

Don't sit there all night an talk PU.... Just DO PU!!! I've seen people sit for 2 - 3 hours talking about PU this, PU that.... Zzzz. Seriously, talking about it is not doing it. So scrap the chat and crack on! If your out to do PU.... then get on with it,
Don't mistake mentoring as progress, especially if you have barriers to jump over yourself - Yes its a lot of fun, but if you do it too much it's usually a distraction from making progress yourself. Stop hiding behind other people and crack on!
Always be talking to people! It helps because; 1) You'll meet people 2) It's self-perpetuating... the more you talk to, the more people talk to you.

There's so much more I've learnt. But there is soooo much more I have to learn... One thing I do know, is that I'm in the right place to get good at this! Slap bang in the middle of the party!

There's so much here I can relate to MB. Having just watched that Derren Brown video on that there other thread, more than ever I'm conscious of my need to continue to push boundaries.

Sounds like you're doing well though man! Keep on opening!

Wheres that? On the forum... I'll check it out later!

Hi, thanks for your advice, some real nuggets in there. I particularly like:

The main side effect of having fun is you'll find the girls will come to you.

chat... honestly, i've been so surprised that open people are! More people have chatted to me than I initially thought.

Dude this resonates with me so much, especially the idea behind talking to people being self-perpetuating. A good way to force yourself to do this is going out alone - it forces you to be in the moment and removes anyone you might use as a "crutch".

I can't wait to get back down to Bristol - I've been stuck at home jobhunting for the past 10 weeks. I reckon I'll be back around the 6th/7th October, I'll hit you and some of the guys up. Need to dust off those cobwebs!

Hi Rich,

Hows things, we need to catch up soon dude, seriously!!!

Just re read that report of when me and u went out, that was a great night!

Cheltenham is awesome dude, looks like bristol is fun as it always was

I havent been on here for ages, but ill be more active again

your last entry was solid man, practice, practice and practice, great advice dude

However, u can go out and only think about and do game and have awesome nights, but i know what u mean

ill have to pop down soon

ill let everyone know when the next BIG SOUTH WEST meet is, it will be a satyrday, in oct sometime

It was bound to happen at some point...
 

Wow! It's been quite a while since I've written up a field report but I had to tell you guys this one from Saturday night.

So BCB and I were out (we've been slowing down the trips out these days... but we're still very active!).

I've started seeing this girl; great laugh and we've been getting on well. We were all going to the Walkabout Saturday. BCB and I and her and a few off her mates. So, we did our usual thing and basically drank half a bottle of Vodka and rolled on down stairs to Walkabout (yes... it is literally down stairs!)

We burst into the place, get out drinks then hang round the side of the dance floor, chatting, having a few giggles when all of a sudden I get hugged from behind. It was this girl I'm seeing and she brought all her mates along; her best mate inclusive.

I say hello to my girl and she turns to her best friend and introduce us. She's told me lots about her best mate; fun and a bit of a girl. So I'm about to get my banter head on when I make eye-contact with her, I notice she looking at me curiously... I stop in my tracks as she opens her mouth...

Best Mate: I know you!
Me: (Stunned) errrrrhhhh... really?
Best Mate: Yeah! You and me kissed here about 3 months ago...
Me: …

Tumbleweed... + what seemed like a life time later...

Me: (sound of a penny dropping then a slow creeping expression across my face that can be vocalised as 'rumbled!')

I looked at my girl and she was in shock! Her best mate got ever more sheepish! The ship was slowly sinking so there was only one thing left to do:

Me: Haaaaaa! This is so funny! What are the chances of that! Well, to be fair, you weren't the only girl I kissed that night!

I just laughed and fobbed it off. It was nothing! The tension slowly lifted... me and my girl where laughing about it 5 minutes later! She said “Well... it's not like you slept with her!” But secretly I was thinking that even if I did sleep with her, I reckon I could have laughed my way out of it!

If I played it differently and got all embarrassed about it or was apologetic then it would have been a different story! I suppose that's what some PUA would call framing... and Phil would call “Absoltey nt giving a fuk”

One lesson learnt though... if you kiss all the girls... one day she's going to be your girl's best mate! And that's how threesomes happen!! Haha! ;)

I helped out all I could (dancing with and generally distracting the +1 from all awkwardness), but I have to say that from an onlooker it was seriously funny, albeit a little awkward for a while...

Helped that you were there to laugh at with me (even though you were laughing at me!)... otherwise it would have been a lot harder.

Should have grabbed her and kissed her again!

Yeah, both ways. Ah, the power of the wing

1 year on...
 

Time for an update!

So i've been gaming for about a year. My game has become stronger through approaching set after set. About 9 months ago, I moved into the center of Bristol (with BCB) to get in the mix of it. Moving into the center of any major city is going to help you raise your game; you can't help but be social.

So, BCB has been emotionally tied up in a LTR and seems quite happy (fair play). He'll be moving out in about 2 weeks and I'm going to continue paying the rent on this place because I love the location so much! Off the back of that, I've taking a bit of time to reflect what's been happening socially, where my skills have become stronger and what I still need to work on.

Bristol. I love the place. So much to do and see. I've hardle scratched the surface. When I joined up a year ago, there were quite a few people around; Summer Junky (not sure where he went to), Blanca (moved away! Such a shame dude!), Pav (crazy but cool polish guy who decided that he didn't need wings anymore), Ali (heading up the Cheltvegas branch now!). The only guys that are left are Cefai (who I see here and there – but will be moving faaaaar away soon) and Sweden (who is my main wing these days... but I still wish we could go out more!). There have been too many PUA one-night-stands to even mention... (Noobs! Man up and stick with it!!!)

In all honesty, the scene in Bristol is pretty much dead. Sad. But True.

To the experienced of us here, you'll know that this is a side-effect of an PUA community. People will come and go. Just like gyms; seems like a good idea for about 2 weeks but the noob enthusiasm dies very quickly. Especially round these parts.

I'm seriously considering hauling ass and getting out there on my own but that seems a little drastic. As I'm still relatively fresh to this city, I haven't utilised some of the other social avenues. Meeting people in other groups and start going out with them. Gym, Hobbies, Music, etc. My work is about to move into the heart of Bristol too so that will definitely increase the potential to meet awesome groups of people on a less 'gamey' (sounds gay!) basis.

Bristol being slightly dry of keen players, I have been traveling down to London a lot to Day Game. There seem to be a lot more people who take it seriously and are pretty experienced that are out to game but aren't PUA Nazis (you know the type!). I paid for some Day Game training with Yad after going to the Daygame.com seminar which if I'm honest, blew my mind! (yes, yes... I know your thoughts on paying for training...) It's been so amazingly easy to meet awesome girls just by saying 'Hello!'. Something I would have never had the confidence to do if I didn't do the course.

From there, I managed to get hooked up with a couple of guys (who trained me) that we're amazing at the day approach. They've been tied up with a guy called Beckster (as a guy who doesn't keep up with the who's who of Pick Up – I never heard of him) Though I haven't seen his game directly (yet) the internet seems to big him up as of Legends. So that will be interesting to see how getting mixed up with those guys will pan out.

So skill wise my approach has been more confident. I've realised the importance of social momentum; if you think you'd like to speak to someone, just speak to them. I just the first thing that comes to my head (being natural). Okay, the first few times it feels awkward, but after a while, I stop caring which in turn makes my conversations and lot more fluid and engaging. When I start a night out, I tell myself, I have all the conversation skills I need to get chatting and I have faith that I will do what I need to do to get her number.

As some of you may know, approaching was (still is) a massive hurdle for me. Stopping girls in the day time was probably, my ultimate approach fear! Getting over that, has helped me overcome my AA massively. Find the thing that scares you the most and just fucking do it. That one thing may still be hard for the next 2 to 3 years... but, by god, everything else becomes so much easier when you face up to it (in my case, night time approach is becoming a cinch by comparison).

On the face of it, things are going well! I know the importance of going out and being social, so I manage to get out twice a week at the mo. Once I find my feet a bit more in Bristol, I'm sure that will increase. Still have the London avenue that I'm taking full advantage of. I've got an office down in Victoria that I make frequent visits too. Now the summer is here, I'm sure I'll be out Day Gaming a lot more.

So that's where I'm at right now! Could end up writing a shite load more about the finer details but to be honest, the only detail that matters is I just get out there and just start talking. Fuck the rest.

On a sign off, let me just say 3 things:

Number 1) If you haven't yet, try the stopping a girl in her tracks to say hello in the day time. It's fucking amazing!;
Number 2) The only the thing that matters is conversion. If your goal is to (insert goal here, i.e. shag girls), the amount of openers you know doesn't mean shit, the amount of approaches you do doesn't mean shit, the amount of numbers you get doesn't mean shit, the number of day 2's doesn't mean shit. Stop getting hung up on the ancillary.
Number 3) Ali still has the best cold night approach of anyone I've seen; You rock dude!

Really awesome field reports!

Monkeybuster,

Great seeing u the other week, wow has your game gone on leaps and bounds, i mean seriosuly, amazing!!!

Also, thanks for the props at the end.

I'll head down to bristol soon dude, prob when u have more space in the flat :)

p.s

we are doing day game on friday and i have my old wing simon up from bris on sat and sun night, i expect a few of us will be out sunday night, not sure about fri/sat yet though, poss out thur night too but again not sure yet

Nice post MB!

Obviously 'sarging' with you the last year or so I've watched how you've developed and to be fair, you've been getting better and better every time I see you. When I met you I thought your skills were pretty much the same as mine, after the last time I went out with you I remember thinking to myself that you had come on leaps and bounds, compared to me where I've not really made much progress. I'm guessing you have a lot to thank for hanging with the London daygame lads, moving to Bristol and living with BCB. These all seem to be huge influences on you. Good job!

Funnily enough, that night in syndicate I remember thinking "Fuck! MB has become fearless" I wouldn't of said you have a problem with approach any more. I'm specifically thinking of when you pointed out a hotty at the bar for me to approach and I just couldn't do it. You approached her 'acting alpha' no problems.

Word.

Nice one Monkeybuster! Onwards and Upwards.

Cheers for the words of encouragement! I've definitely had my ups and downs... Just need to keep the momentum going...

As a side note, I want to chat to seriously hot women now... 6/7/8 are all good... but I want the 9's and 10's now! I'm sure i've got the charm to do it... confidence will be the biggest factor in success. This might be over simplistic but the more I chat to hot girls, the more confidence I will get! I've learnt that it really is that easy?