Ok, so I posted this yesterday and today I bucked up the the courage to ask her out it went like this:

King: hey, what's your name?
HB: (Responds)
King: Are you shy?
HB: A little
King: it's just I come in here often and you never say hello.
(She laughs)
king: where are you from?
HB: Poland
King: ahh, I thought so.. Would you like to go for a drink with me?
HB: (hesitates) no, not really.
King: ok, no worries. Goes back to my coffee.

Advice? Also, can/should I still use this coffee shop?

King

Noted. Thanks for the help and for taking the time to reply in full. I'll try to be less of a dick next time ��

Another question..

You said not to insult which I sort of agree with however what's your take on the Neil Strauss Neg? And I suppose what's the difference between a neg and an insult?

King

A neg is kind of like an insult, but its more of a back handed comment whereby your really trying to lower their self esteem or "disarm" them:

"Your jumper reminds of one my little sister used to throw up in when she was little"
"Your hair looks amazing, did you brush it for a change?"
"I like your nails. Are they real or fake?"

An insult is more straight forward:

"I think your fat"
"I think your ugly"
"You look like shit"

"Negs" are good if your having a laugh, & it's all meant in good banter and part of natural teasing, that your having fun with the girl & it's totally obvious to her your just playing with her. Using it for any kind of other reason like trying to mentally disarm her or having a few scripted ones up your sleeve memorised is not good. If its part of your personality & your having a laugh and a good time, nothing wrong with throwing one in there as part of a natural conversation.

That's clear, thank you! Just complimented a girl on her jumper at a bar then later complimented her nails then asked if they were real & she asked for my number. Whoop!

King

I hate negs, what happened to good ol banter.

Yeah, I did say "Using it for any kind of other reason like trying to mentally disarm her or having a few scripted ones up your sleeve memorised is not good"

I did say there's nothing wrong with having a laugh if its used in good humour, I've said some of this to friends before as have they to me & the thought of it being a "neg" or some kind of tactic to mentally hurt someone was never the intention or crossed my mind, its just banter between friends who know each other.

This all day long.


I wish i got this so much earlier than I did, oh well