Daves transition Diary
 

Hey, I've just joined the forum but have been reading for a while. It's finally time to stop talking about doing something and actually do it so here I am. Hopefully I can regularly put updates to approaches on here as a good track record to build on and get feedback.

A bit about me, I'm 32 (hopefully not too old for this!), have gone from one long relationship to another and not really been happy with any, the thought of approaching terrifies me although I can talk pretty normally to most people.

Went on a Sasha Bootcamp in feb which was brilliant and got some success, for 2 weeks I felt so confident and at ease from momentum but I stopped doing approaches, pulled a really cute girl while on this high and got into a relationship, when I was aiming to do 5 a day to form a habit, my old negative insecure self came back and we broke up recently.

Now's time to take action so let's start this journey and see what happens...

First log: I'm very new to this and approaching is massively out of comfort zone so these early reports may be a bit basic... (Apologies for super long first post!)

Saturday night: out with three friends (not into pickup) we got to a pub in centre, in the beer garden we're chatting and I notice 2 cute girls at a table near us (mid 30's), I go up to the bar to buy drinks and am thinking about approaching them, on the way back I walk near their table and say something like "you've both got the right idea being out here when it's so sunny!" (Lame I know), but they smile and laugh and say some other stuff and we chat for a minute before I move to our table.

About 15 mins goes by and my friend brings a tray with tequila on over to our table, I try and take a panoramic photo on my iPhone but am struggling as I try and get in it also lol

Without being prompted one of the girls I was chatting to comes over and offers to take a group picture of us downing the shots. We have a joke around and she goes back to table.

http://i1083.photobucket.com/albums/...psihzldqta.jpg

Afterwards I check photo and it's rubbish she's cut our heads off so I instinctivily wonder over show them both the picture and saying she's no budding david Bailey, we chat for more this time, I get a bit self conscious and go back to table, after next round of drinks I see one of the girls is on her own so I go over end up sitting down at her table and getting on really well her mate comes back and I engage them both, say if they can recommend any bars next and say we should swap numbers I whip out phone while talking and put it in front of her, she's laughs and the other girl tells me her mate is married with 2 kids (I spot the ring d'oh)' but the married one gives phone to her mate who gives me her number, that would normally be awkward but kept convo going, I didn't want it to seem like I wasn't bothered which one i likel lol I leave text her straight away saying miss me yet as a joke and they ask which bar we're going to.

About an hour later I spot them at a table near us in chilled out bar, I chat to them a few times and while her mate away talk to deb, it's going well, I try a bit of kino, something cheesy about her nice haircut, it feels like I'm running my mouth a lot and she wants me to kiss her but I'm nervous, her mate comes back we chat for a bit and they leave a bit later to go home her friend says you've got her number so make sure you call!

Oh well, missed opportunity, a bit later we hit a bar, it's busy I feel more pumped because of previous interaction open two girls on the dance floor say some stuff about them looking like students, their 26 and not students a bit more chat then aware I'm dancing next to them they haven't left but not really sure what to do, chat and dance with mates, drink a bit more then go home.

32 is not too old for 'this'
But what is this?
If you mean improving yourself in all areas, and getting better and more successful with women wherever you meet them, then no 32 is not too old!

Saturday night: bar crawl lay.

I went out last night on a 50 person organised bar crawl around town (with a Meetup.com group, surprisingly easy way of increasing social cicrcle and meeting new people).

I didn't know anyone there at first other than a couple of mates I brought along, one of them games a bit, but was keen to not rely on them as a safety net all night. When we got to the first pub a lot of people where split in groups talking, I got the impression some people arrived as solos and the girls mostly in 2s.

I felt quite stifled at first so in between chatting to my mates went for the 'low hanging fruit' of chatting to a few of the guys there more on the peripheral. It was great for building momentum of talking to new people. I then sat down at an empty chair in big mixed table and started chatting to the guy next to me then got a girl involved.

It's much easier talking to new people in this setting as every approach feels like a warm approach and you've instantly got a common ground.

At the next place I'm chatting to a lot of the different groups and it's going well, i realise I now have so much momentum talking to girls outside the group has virtually no anxiety which is good and feels fun.

I see my mate is chatting to 2 of the girls in our group, I join him and form a breakaway conversation with one of the girls, it turns out she's the organiser (late 20's) and seems fun. We're chatting for a bit and it feels like she's into me, after a bit I leave her chatting and I wonder to table I was at before and start speaking to the guys there again and to to make it seem I'm not too bothered about the girl. She joins me about 5 mins later and we're chatting a lot, I'm teasing her over some random dinosaur stickers she keeps putting on people.

Later, I grab a mate and do an approach and get into a good conversation with a couple of girls with sashes on a hen night, usual opening stuff I ask how they know hen etc it's weird I noticed how as long as you don't intentionally make it look like your chatting them up to impress anyone it helped amp attraction to the girl I was chatting to earlier.

I'm at the busy bar with the organiser, who'd been doing the rounds going round the groups and now came back to me, we're on our second round of cocktails together (she bought first round, I get this one), I'm doing a bit of kino, arms round waist etc, she puts her arm round my waist, we're still waiting for drinks to come back, I go in for kiss, she pulls back but is smiling and says not in front of everyone, which is cool. I carry on random chat.

Later we're on dance floor, more kino and we're snogging. Much later we're on terrace and I ask we're she lives and she does likewise I suggest we get cab to hers and then I'll go to mine. As we're walking to rank she says why don't I just stay at hers. Casually I agree, very good night.

Lessons learned: it sounds obvious but I've found if I be sincere when chatting to people and don't put on a 'mask' of the fake you people are so much more responsive. I used to be afraid of what people would think of my personality in the past and try and be the person I thought people would respond to, louder, chav'y sounding etc and it was so superficial and probably obvious I wasnt comfortable in my skin, but tonight I was and just acted normally and chatted as if I was in my lounge with a coffee lol

The only thing I've consciously been doing recently is slowing the tempo of my speech down as I am notoriously a fast talker. I've also found Meditation is insanely powerful and make me relaxed and chilled out when in socially heavy environments later. Yesterday afternoon I spent 45 minutes in my lounge on sofa, not doing anything, ie, no fb on phone, telly, reading, just my thoughts. I need to do this more as there are so many screen distractions, getting away from them is a brilliant release valve.

I think Tyler says something about it feeling like 'my house' when out in a bar, and although slightly artificially created it did feel very comfortable and at home, I wish I had this every night, I know if it was just me and a mate in town I'd be much more stifled and reluctant to cold approach initially.

Despite last nights success I have a very long journey to go as i do fear the cold approach and have self confidence issues and give my power away to everyone. Last night was a temporary reprieve where I genuinly felt on form. I haven't done any day approaches since February so need to get back into it, I am trying to be more sociable in my day to day interactions though,ie, chatting to checkout girls more than bare minimum, engage new people at water cooler at work, small steps lol

Awesome mate.
It sounds like you've figured out a lot of stuff about yourself and are working quickly to rectify- that's very powerful as you take control - not easy and there will be setbacks, but this is lasting change in mindset and behaviour, not routines and band-aids.
Meditation is definitely something I've found to be beneficial generally- takes the heat out, chills you down.
The meetups are socialising with stabilisers-I find they can be very hit and miss.
Had a few girls off them - the gossip spreads quick though.
Also seen a few of the lads from here at one of them which was amusing!
It's all momentum, have fun.

Approaches only.

An interesting night tonight. I was out with friends in town. At first I was very stifled. Confident in group but faking it and sooo aware of everyone else and there opinions and whether I should be aplroaching. I really need to get out of this mindset.

In the first bar just chatting to mates, halfway thorough a mates friend whose a girl (has a fella) turns up, it's weird how when there's a girl in the group it feels like a weight is lifted and it's easier to converse.

In the second bar we go to some Jamaican themed place which had a dance floor I actually do a lot of approaches in here. There are two slightly older (mid thirties) girls at bat I chat to them for a bit, find out its one of there's brthday, I rib them for sitting in the corner and should be dancing. I get a bit self conscious and make excuses and leave.

I join mates on the dance floor there's 2 nice looking girls on floor, I go up to them and ask if they know what that random African guitar instrument is called one of the band are playing.

They chat for a bit, I ask what brings them out, they say it's her 34th birthday. Another 2 set on a birthday. Random.

We chat for a bit I get nervous and excuse self and return to mates. They seem to be dancing and get nearer to me. I reinitiate and see the hotter one has a small tattoo on her arm. I'm tempted to get a half sleeve on one of my arms (something if you know me that is massively out of charachter but I want one), I ask how much pain was involved, she probably gets asked that all the time but it was all I could think of. We chat some more they leave floor and speak to mates. Later they leave. Oh well.

From when we come in there's a big group of girls at a table they seem fun, I think about aplroaching but get nervous, head to floor, two of the girls breakaway from table and join floor too. I do nothing :(

2 seriously cute girls are at the bar, my mates chatting to them gets blown out. I chat to my girl mate nearby then open, I think the same cheesy line about the African guitar. I see they are going roll up ciggerates, I say its my vice they give me one and say I should join. I take and carry on chatting to mates while there still rolling there's. I should of talked to them to get to know them better.

I go outside first, chat to guys and girls out there, see the girls and my mate wonder over, chatting to one it doesn't feel great, my mates turn up we're going to next bar. Girls say there staying and to have a good night.

At next place, I open 2 girls in beer garden chatting, something bad like do they still do shisha here blah blah, chat for sec then go to bar. One of the girls is alongside me at bar, I chat and say they've stopped doing shisha then random chat say bye.

Later in club inside see cute girl, say I like your reebok trainers very vintage. She laughs and says something. It's hard as its on a loud dance floor and I really don't know what to say on dance floors.

We chat again later. The band ends about two thirty I go home with the guys. Good approaching quantity but I need to try harder lol

Ah dood give yourself a break, you just got stifled and struggle to shrug it off over the night…it's not a crime and you are doing fine!

FYI it was all because of what was going on in your head earlier in the day. Likely you were telling yourself you were "going out to hit on girls" or some such, which made you anxious and your brain spent the rest of the night trying to protect you from that by shutting down and making you want to leave.

I once met one of Juggler's old instructors who told me that if I just focused on having fun a lot of things would work out on their own. They were so right, that advice really stuck with me. If you go out just to have fun a lot of things happen. Your body relaxes. Your mind perceives no threat. It opens up and helps you rather than closing down and stifling you. Next time you feel stifled, switch the goal of the night to having fun and see what happens!

Could try harder... - France

I know this is a bit of an unproductive field report but I vowed to put the good and bad nights on here not just my rose tinted nights.
Yesterday I drove to Arachon (near Bordeaux), with some mates for a week long guys camping/drinking/beach trip. 3 of us and another flying out today.

Last night we had dinner and hit a few bars near beach strip, it's Thursday at the resort so more family oriented and holiday makers are 95% French.

My mates arnt into pickup and happy to chat and have a laugh which fine. We're at a bar around this beer barrel table all talking, near end of our drinks I spot these two cute 25ish French girls chatting at table next to us. I'm chatting to mates but now I'm thinking about the girls lol

I turn to them and say excuse me, then say we're discussing good bars to go and can they recommend anything? They seem to like being posed the question and are keen to offer advice, I say thanks and mention how we've just arrived and have found the place really inviting so far. Chat for another minute then I get in my head, bail. (It was a bit harder as my mates we're just chatting amongst themselves and not really joining in).

We leave, hit a few more bars chatting to mates, there were opportunities around.

The main reasons I can think of for my lack of action:

It was first day here and tiring long drive
No momentum of talking to new people during day
A lot of self imposed goals that the evening would be approach evening
(Postscript makes a good point about going out to have fun not with approach expectation so it can grow organically)
Friends are more comfortable chatting in group so less of a call to action to approach
Resort is heavily French speaking (although that shouldn't be a barrier?)
I didn't build on first approach, usually by 2 or 3rd momentum hits in

It's a new day today, we're off to beach and then a big one tonight and 4th mate arrives who is a bit more outgoing. It will be good to chill out during the day, hopefully be social to most people I see, have fun and not beat self up too much, the holiday is young.

Next action steps: go out to have fun and be in the moment
When I do approach, try not to bail so soon. Go for the number at some point in the interaction.

This ' a lot of self imposed goals - your only goal is enjoy the holiday!

French road trip - final night. Approaches.

It's the last night of really enjoyable lads road trip down to South france. Mainly it's been catching up, having a laugh and chilling out on the beach.

After my first holiday report above I made a conscious effort to just have fun and not get into my head about approaches. It made things so much easier and more into the present.

As approaching is still something that scares me and is hugely out of comfort zone I'm just focusing on incremental success and not a specific outcome, at this stage a pleasant interaction is a success in my book until I get comfortable.

Tonight we were out in this cool outside bar in the marina, EVERYONE in this town is super French and speak little English even the bar staff which actually makes it funny and more something to step up to.

A group of 6 girls sit at the table next to us and are chatting away, I'm chatting with my mates but additionally now thinking if there's a way I can speak to the girls too.

Cheesily, with my heart beating, I stand up and walk over to them with my phone and say if would they mind taken a photo of us (a bit random but it worked lol) one of the girls is really happy to oblige (one thing I've found about approaching is there's rarely a cold response, it's really nice to break some of my internal conditioning where doing this will be met with disgust/embarrassment by people nearby). We chat additionally for a bit all smiley, I comment on her style and after bit sit back down.

An hour later I notice they have all finished there drinks a long time ago but are still chatting, I want to reopen thank for picture and get advice on where to go next but get in my head and don't. They leave and say by.

At a later bar I'm doing some G&Ts with mates and random shots, 5 really cute girls (about 24ish) walk in with 2 guys and sit down at end of bar, I make sure I'm still having fun with the guys but get a buzz in my stomach that this would scare shit of me so I must approach. Half hour later i order shots and am joking with the barman, once I've paid I deter to their table and open the guy with a smile, saying we're here for one night and can they recommend anywhere fun with music later. Again, it surprises me, no one tells me to F off or looks at me like I'm a weirdo. The girls seem engaged. We chat for about 5 minutes about the place, I say where we've been and how friendly everyone is, later I say bye and return to friends and feel a lot more confident.

I know tonight I didn't get any numbers or push interactions too much but I had fun the whole night and wasn't in my head. I'm sure for some people speaking to unknown girls/groups is easy but it's definitely been a challenge for me in the past and I'm really liking trying to just walk up to girls and not worry about a social stigma. One thing I've realised that I didn't know existed before is that no one nearby actually really cares that your approaching and this seems to ease a big burden.

Works social - (hotel club basement) then onto a club at 12:30am

Chatting and dancing at works private club. Later a big group of us went to a public club, it felt like I was on home turf and immediately more motivated to approach. It was funny I turned into an approach machine but with at first really bad results!

3 cute girls dancing on the floor, I ask one of them what their out for they say a few girls from from work, I start to say we're on a works do and are partying way too hard but halfway through she just turns away and starts dancing with her mates ouch

A lot of girls in Hawaiian hats and big glasses, I ask one of the girls about glasses and says is she out for a birthday, she says something brief the turns away. I turn to mates and carry on dancing. A bit later the girls are near the bar one of them seems into me she comes over and chat a lot telling me about her group and how one of the girls had a car crash a few weeks ago and has metal plate in her arm. I ask her name we chat for a bit we do some selfies. Later her and her mates are struggling to take a group selfie I offer to take one and say it's painful watching, afterwards I nick her phone and take selfies with my mates, they seem to find it funny.

At bar when me and mates are getting drinks I see a cute girl on her own wonder over and say something like I'm loving this club since it's had the refurb, she says something I say I'm here in big works do and this is after party. She points to a guy down the bar and tells me he is her boyfriend ouch

I approach two girls about half hour later near bar, chatting to them for a bit and get flow on then two guys come over from nowhere it looks like the girls no them, one of them just looks at my and I smile and nod and wonder back to mates ouch lol

In big circle with workmates including girls, one of the girls fancies me but I'm not that keen. Some other girls I was chatting to at bar come over and try and take my novelty oversized glasses (yeah random lol a girl gave them to me earlier) I say I want them back after and ask her name. It goes better this time and she chats for a bit, her mates get photo then actually give them back. Throughought the night they keep wondering over and dancing near me. I wonder over to them all and smile and dance near them, by this time it's 230am I've been drinking a lot and not really got the energy.

Overall pretty bombing night, although I've never had a night like this so maybe it's good to feel like this failure from time to time??

It reminded me of something Tyler says where you have a night and you approach everyone and every group just blows up in your face. I've never had this before but it didn't phase me as much as I'd thought.

I talk way to much in general and feel have to talk to relax, I need to stop this and when on dance floor not use talking as primary communication and instead use more non verbal. Dance floor game is so evasive right now.

I felt stifled before heading out tonight, I had day off as only back from holiday recently so hadnt really spoken to anyone all day till arrived. The old me would've got to second club and just chatted to small works group and been in head about regretting talking to any new people so despite failures I'm glad I made over 6/7 different approaches. Maybe stop drinking earlier.

House party/town

This is a mini update only as I want to try and document more cold approaches than anything.

At a friends bbq, get chatting to this cute black girl who seems really cool, it's going well and she's definately into me. I Go out into dark back garden for a smoke, she comes out and smokes with me, I can definately detect a sexual vibe. After some talking, she takes cigarette and says some random stuff about forming tunnel with our hands and blowing smoke between us. Random although it felt near to kissing as faces nearly touching.

I'm talking with her more, and occasionally grab her waist, I go in for the snog and it's good. Later, a small breakaway group go to a bar for drink, then try and go to livelier place but there's a queue. It's annoying as there's four of us, the queue isn't budging. I suggest after party at mine, they all seem keen but can't get cab. She wispers in my ear we should try and ditch the others and go somewhere else, without making them feel too uncomfortable I get a bit touchy with Muna while chatting. They get hint and say getting bus. We go onto next place, she pays for me and I get drinks. She ask me about my place and do I live with anyone, I say i own flat but have housemate. We're chatting on bench in courtyard a lot, she's sitting facing me I have hand on her leg and hers on mine. Chat, kiss chat. After a bit we go to dance floor and she is properly grinding and I sense it is so on. She even puts ice cube from her drink and kisses me and passes me it in mouth lol

A bit later on floor I suggest grabbing a few drinks back at mine, this time she says she can't as she has babysitter (she has a 1 year old son which she mentioned at bbq also). I suggest maybe a couple at hers but she says about the babysitter but I should go for drinks near hers in near future, it sounds like a simple case of logistics as she seems seriously horny however part of me is thinking maybe I pushed for the house drinks too much and seemed too keen?

We're outside she says she's going to get cab home (other direction to mine), she seems disappointed, we swap numbers kiss then I head to kebab place alone.

lol it wasn't random you wally, it was a confident woman hitting on you!

Yeh this was her telling you to escalate. You should have left and escalated in the taxi and at home but your mind fucked you over a bit by worrying about others and going for a venue change instead.

FYI you can play games for sexual tension within a group if you use the group as like a lid on a pressure cooker, by getting up to stuff with her that nobody else explicitly sees, to the point where you both have to leave! See what I mean?

You realise she wasn't really interested in your living situation, right? This was her telling you to take her back to yours.

lol r u facepaming yet?

Just bit too late mate, missed the window. Now she's thinking about getting back for her nipper.

No…the opposite! Not keen and decisive enough.

No shit!

I think you just got a horny single mum on the prowl and couldn't believe it was happening, which is understandable. Try again with her, I think she'll know you didn't mean to let the opportunity slide. Hit her up with a flirty text n see what happens.

Thanks for that breakdown is was really helpful with good advice :)

It's great seeing someone else's insight, I can be a bit blinded with this stuff! Yes I so should have been more proactive with the taxi mid night I went for the easy option of venue change. Grrr. She had a great body too lol

She just text me saying she misses me especially my lips (after we swapped numbers last night I sent her a piss take text saying miss me yet? Dave x) so I sent a flirty one back lol hopefully we can meet up and get the same level of tension going and I'll try to not F it up again!

In the meantime I want to get some cold approaches going. What this space.

This is only a mini one as I want to put proper approaches on here soon.

I'm at the end of a works night it's still only 1030 I'm about to leave and a group of 10 hot girls walk in late twenties. My old self would freak out and wish I was speaking to them. As the group I'm with are walking out I'm like no I'm not anxious I'm actually excited and want to know the group so I walk over to the girls and say where is good to go tonight as u doubt know around here. They love it and seem pleased I've spoken to them. We chat for a bit high five etc

I have to go as mates are outside to give me lift home but I realise, I still have a long way to go but subtly and slowly with my perceirance things are changing. It felt so much more easy to approach than five months ago, I am still way too self concious in general but I'm loving recognition of this shift and plan on doing more of it.

An update on the black girl I pulled at the house party, I met up with her last Sunday, she had her baby so slightly limited logistically but she admited she should have come home with me last week for drinks which was good. I text her in the week saying as I've just come back from a lads trip to South france I have a lot of wine that I need help drinking. She wants to cook for me this sat so will see how goes.

I'm off travelling around thailand Cambodia and Vietnam for 3 weeks in sept so excited about what it has in store in terms of self discovery if that's not too hippy lol

Travel - It's not too hippy.
That's the best thing you've written on here.
I could post loads but I look forward to your stories instead.

3 Week Thailand Cambodia Vietnam

I'm a couple of days into my first solo trip and loving it so far. Its amazing at how much it builds your confidence and as a result, game.

Saturday night - Bangkok

Having been checking all the sites out during the day i decide to have an evening drink at the hotel/hostels bar before go out on a strip called Khaosan Road which is like an Ibiza party street that's mental with bars street food sellers clothes etc

Sitting on the hotels front patio I see a cute blonde girl about 25 texting. I sit on the front patio with my beer and smoke. There's a large German group behind us chatting too.

After a few minutes I look over and say to her is she English. She smiles and says she's German. She seems cool, we chat for about half hour, she's not with that group but a girl mate, although she mentions a boyfriend back home but that doesn't stop her chatting away. After 15 minutes she says she has to pop upstairs, which I'm not bothered about as we're only chatting. But she comes back a few mins later with some ciggies and I light her fag. We do some selfies etc then she goes to her mate whose just come in, we hug and say bye and I head to the strip.

This is the first time I think ive ever been on a night out just me but it doesn't feel that bad probably because I imagine there's a lot of similar travellers about.

I go to a rammed lively bar and get a beer inside, 2 girls come to the bar talking english, I say oh no not more english people! They laugh and ask where I'm from. One of the girls is from Surrey, I give her a dig about her being a posh girl etc They say am I Solo travelling, I tell a porkie and say I'm with a mate but he's met a girl and gone home with her and rather than go home I thought I'll stay out as everyone is so friendly. I should have probably just said I'm solo travelling but suppose It's no big deal.

We chat for about 10 mins then another girl they know comes in and they join her. They all seem interested in this Thai guy.

I stay at the bar and chat to one of the local guys who's out with some girls, he has a comedy oversize beer tube with a tap and we high five and chat for a bit lol

After a while a Dutch girl wonders over from her mates nearby and orders a drink next to me at the bar. I say where is she from, Eindhoven, we chat loads about England, bangkok etc she go's back to mates but say I should join, her two other mates are chatting to 2 dudes it looks like they just met. I'm still chatting to the Dutch bird, occasionally one of her mates and then get the dude involved so he doesn't try and cockblock. I'm not sure of the dynamic but later all the girls leave together and me and the guys there lol

It's now late, I'm about to go into the local shop for some munchies before bed, walking out are 3 Thai girls and 2 chodey looking Thai guys. I say to the cutest girl I like your blue dress as I'm walking in and not even looking for a response. She smiles.

After my shop I leave and the group are all still there chatting, I reinitiate with blue dress girl whose loving it, in the background I hear mate sing, she like you and she tells her to shut up with smile. We all end up in a nearby bar chatting, the guys seem a bit frosty and quite young compared to the girl who is 26. I ask the guys name and chat for bit, somehow a connect4 board appears and me and cute girl are playing I beat her and call her a loser with the L symbol on forehead she's laughing. I swap seats so I'm next to her, talking with arm round waist, they all work locally and are out for night out. I remember kissing her shoulder then moving into snog and it's good. We stay for another half hour and we all go, I snog her outside and say bye we have each other's numbers (although I'm off to an island today lol

On the whole a really good night which seemed to just build from nowhere, I would never have done anything like this a year ago.

Things to work on, I probably could have extracted her to my hotel which was just round the corner but it's the classic Dave problem where I leave it too late then they go.

It sounds a bit woo but traveling so far is brilliant. I'm only 4 days in and it is so empowering and calming, for those on a spiritual journey or whatever it's great plus you meet people from all walks of life and get out of your comfort zone!

I just had a great conversation with a 24ish girl on the internal flight, I open by saying hows the magazine she's reading (lame lol) I say there normally full of boring adverts and little content. We chat about itineries, we're both on way to ko phan Ngan Island then she's off to Malaysia, I say I'm doing cambodia next (she's just come from their and gives me loads of tips).

As I type this the blue dress girl from Saturday has just text me saying hey, although I'm now other end of the country lol

Update:

So, the girl I opened on the plane was on the ferry, we laugh and chat about the beautiful scenery, and stuff. It really is breathtaking. She has met two girl mates onboard who have flown out just to see her.

There on a bench nearby but she's still at railing chatting to me. She drops in her boyfriend is meeting her in a couple of months but still chatting. I want to get Elenas number but bail and say I'm popping to the bar for a snack, she's says ok but asks what my name is we shake hands.

10 mins later she is at bar too then fumbling with bags near window. I'm in lounge but and after cancelling internal voice walk over and ask for her number and if about we should all meet up. We swap numbers, chat for a but then I head to seat and her her mates. It's funny how a mini conversation on plane can snowball

http://i1083.photobucket.com/albums/...psoxakns0w.jpg

Camboda

5 approaches (need to stop being a nice guy)

In first bar chatting and drinking with hostel roommate, 2 cute American girls to my right, I say you look friendly where are you from. It gets good response, chatting for a while, their seated at bar, we're standing, girl1 says they can move down 2 so we can sit down. It's going well, I probably should've pushed it harder. We leave them &head over road to another bar.

3 girls at the bar, I say to one, you look english, they are lol it's going well, my mates getting on very well with one and eventually pulls her back to his dorm.

One of the girls I initiated goes after 15 mins home leaving the hotter one with me. Apparently she liked me and was annoyed her fitter mate kept talking to me lol fit girl going good dancing dirtly later on the floor I try and kiss but she's having none of it even though it was going well, she says 'I think I'm not as drunk as my mate' (her mate who is snogging mine for most of night next to us).

Talked to a few more girls but nothing major.

It would be good to spice up conversations with some sexual reference and talk about things that make me seem more sexual rather than the 'inbetweeners style lovable loser' mode I often slip into.

This is frustrating.

Chat to cute Aussie girl at end of our hostels yoga class in Cambodia (why not lol), we chat for bit, she seems keen, asks if I'm going down to bar. We get pint each chat, then I say heading into town for food does she want to come. Yes.

We're getting on well at dinner, swap facebook. Got to next bar next door, which is Aussie chatting not really doing much kino but of leg grazing. Theres a couple of girls who ask where we're from I talk a bit but not loads to them as don't want to blow it with lauren but in hindsight maybe it would've been good to build up jealousy?

In next bar we get bucket, she's chatting to bar men, offers to help deliver drinks to tables, then at next club she just goes on a podium for next hour while loads of local guys are drooling. We go home later to hostel grab street food and say bye at reception.

She's been liking stuff on my FB page today, maybe she just wanted company for evening or I was a massive pussy and didn't sexualise conversation early enough. This is getting annoying, everything seems so hard at the moment after initial attraction ...

Sounds like you are having a blast and seeing loads mate, that's why you're there, not for women.
I think you already figured it out yourself with your last but one post - escalating and move it forward quick or get the no, loads of girls in every bar.
Tophat a while back was talking about being a little bit creepier than you are used to- it's a perfect opportunity as you won't see any of these people again and there's several every night.
Try verbal/physical escalation try stuff that's out of your comfort zone.
Facebook- why go digital when she's still on the island ffs
tell her she's hot and you want to show her the beach in the moonlight whatever
Hopefully you'll get a better response than this and good luck

Cheers mate that's really helpful, I hope your journey is progressing well too.

I am having a good time on travels as priority, I can honestly say solo backpacking is incredible I'm surprised more people don't do it especially on here (maybe they do? :) it gets you out of comfort, you meet amazing people and become a lot more centred in general.

Last night I went out with vietnam hostels bar crawl, saw cute girl with tats, turns out she's a singer in rock band. I approach and turn on 'creepy mode' as an experience, chatting while a bit of back rub, say tats look hot on her while squeeze arm. She squeezes back, eventually end up snogging after we share shisha and I say let's form smoke tunnel with hands between us, then do one just lips no tunnel then no smoke ha

Patent pending

Last leg of backpacking adventure in Vietnam.

2 Approaches in Saigon

Approach 1
See homely blonde girl walking towards me, I stop her and ask where the war museum is. It goes well, she's english we chat for about 10 mins, she's leaving in a couple of hours for Cambodia but seems to want the interaction to continue.
I get her number and say bye, I really wish I would've instant dated her for coffee grrr

Approach 2
I'm having lunch on terrace restaurant, 2 aussie girls sit at the table next to me. I leave it a few mins then ask if they've been to the presidential palace as I'm thinking of going there in a bit. They havnt but offer other good advice, we chat for a bit then back to food.
After a few mins one goes to loo and the other reopens me saying do you have to order at bar. We chat for a lot more including when other girl back, end up swapping numbers and saying we should party one night, they agree.

When this thread pops up, it always makes me think Dave is becoming a woman, or was Davina and has recently become Dave...

Recently I met up with Agape from the forum, for a Friday night in Cardiff. It was a good night, agapes a sound guy, it's amazing how many more approaches you do when your with a wing compared to usual mates.

Agreed to meet at 8pm at Cardiff 'Spoons (rugby night so crazy everywhere). I couldn't find him but see 2 cute girls by the stairs, walk up and ask if they've seen my mate whose bald with a beard, they haven't, I ask why they aren't watching rugby, chat for but but I feel stifled so leave.

Phone signals crap so watch game for 10 mins, go to bar to get pint next to these 2 girls, I smile at them then order, they ask if I know whose playing, I rib them for not being true Welsh, we chat for a few mins in still a bit stifled but should've got number.

I spot agape, have smoke/natter about shit/women etc I ask girl where's good to go tonight she's not from here but seems quite helpful.

Next bar, get drinks then outside for smoke, get chatting to girls, one cute one one alright but older, they are liking the chat, after about 15 the cute ones fella comes back from bar great lol get chatting actually a sound guy and end up talking for a while as he wants to setup own Ltd company and go contracting (which I've just done).

Agapes having a chat to 2 girls the other side of smoking section, one is hot, the other not bad, he intros me and it's going well, one of the girls offers to get us all drinks. We end up all drinking in another 2 places. agapes hand in hand with the hot blonde I'm chatting and kinoing the brunette.

Long story short, the hot blonde is married (ring on finger) definitely was loving it, (we were half our cab ride home so logistics), Hannah had new boyfriend of few months I reckon if pushed it wouldn't have mattered, when I got drinks mid night was chatting to a girl at the bar and she bought me a vodka shot which we downed when went back Han was ribbing me saying i see you've got a new favourite girl, they went home about 1.

Fun night but should've sacked the girls off sooner. Also, we both agreed drank too much so by 130 was too tanked up to chat properly.

We went to a few other places till 4 more approaches quite hazy, less drink the next time!

Out in Bristol this Friday night so will try and go easier on the bevvies. I'll post a report up here soon...

Lay report

Went out with Agape from the forum again in Bristol, great night, highs and lows then highs again lol

We go out at 7 chatting in smoking area I'm massively stifled from working, need to get in zone. Go to revs get chatting to birds smoking area big group in works night (everyone tonight is in works night random) agapes doing well I'm still stifled chatting around table to birds my conversations drying up and I'm struggling, he's still going, do I stay try another set panic, go to loo come back lol

We end up chatting to a few different birds in smoking area get warmed up nicely, next place chatting to these 2 girls, it's going well I snog one of them and swap number, earlier I asked how good a kisser she is out of 10 she says she doesn't know but says is a good shagger blimey, me and agape go to 90s cheese place as a girl I number closed earlier is in there. Crowd is older 30s 40s there's some cute birds about and many desparate diverocees lol my value feels increased, can feel women checking us out.

Chat to cute blonde at bar, she's a fresher, 30, with her 18 year course mates! Kinoing at bar, we end up snogging. She wonders off, I think she's gone home and no reception in here. Chatting to this older bird 40 ok but agape says don't do it ha I end up snogging her. The blonde comes back later and sees me with her doh an hour later a massively delayed text from cute blonde comes in, am I still in here grrr

Later I see her but she's Cold when dancing the older bird is now snogging some old guy, me and agape dancing with some cute girls but it's going nowhere and now 3am

My moods lower despite initial success, we go back to previous bar, the two girls are still in there with a group of guys around them, debs has tried to call me twice. I'm now horny and in rampage, we plough in agape gets the cute brunette, goes in hard, she's liking it, the guys wonder off. The girl I'm with is dirty, we're snogging and she's saying she wants my cock ha, apparently she's a fetish modeller or something.

I say to all go back to mine for party at daves they come too, long story short I fuck debs in my room, agape fucks the other on my sofa bed, agapes bird has a long term boyfriend but clearly this isn't an issue. The girl I'm with is cock hungry it's funny. Afterwards she confesses she has fucked her mate who's in with agape and Likes occasional pussy.

At some point she says we should get them in here to join us, I'm not sure if she's serious, it's late I'm in a bad state and we don't. Overall random night out, certainly an eye opener

Going out on Bristol tonight so I'll try and post a report up after. Things I want to work on, being in the moment, going out to have fun and not be goal oriented. Try and build on being sociable more in everyday life so when the weekend arrives I'm already warmed up rather than saving all the 'sociability' up for the weekend and then being surprised that it's taking so long to get sociable lol

From now on I'm going to try and post less waffle and more meaningful shorter updates.

Last night, works do in Cardiff (Friday's off), On way to meet them in a bar I do a few warm ups to get sociable. Ask girl if she knows where bar is, chat for bit. Do same to a guy texting.

Our groups big, I'm new, there's a stunner in the group who the guys are grouping around. I chat to the guys, then girls, fag break, chat to the girl outside, she broke up with fella 3 months back, I number close her, she works in a different building so not bad.

In another bar with the group, I spot 2 set at end of bar, go in, ask where's good to go later, chat for bit they seem fun but husbands arrive chat briefly then back

See 2 girls and guy in booth ask guy same question, the girl seems animated chats then I go. End up snogging Julie (the cute works girl 26). I know work stuff is cheating but it felt good and a step up in my personal journey and confidence. I'm still fronting confidence a bit and don't feel truly authentic yet so want to make this more part of who I am.

Sounds like you're doing fine. It's not cheating. If you front confidence long enough you'll believe it and it becomes normal / real/ authentic. There's no alternative/ better way to do it really. Unless you were born confident and I don't think many people are.

Cardiff Lay Report

Started off a bit stifled, I'm out with Ajay whose more proactive, opening quite a few early on. He opens a 2 cute seated girls (although 19 lol) I join, we're both sitting, talk for a bit but in my head about age and the fact we're sitting not standing 'ready to leave' but I think overanalysing

Chat to few girls in smoking area, ajays winding up one of the Romanian sellers trying to sell us flowers, feeling more warmed up.

Chat to a couple of 2 sets inside Ajay pulls a cutie to the dance floor. I ask 2 girls for advice on where next and she seems keen and is holding my hand with entwined fingers, I number close her, it feels like I could snog her and we've only been talking a minute. We go to floor but her (slightly large) mate seems off put by us and we eventually leave.

In Pryzm (nee Oceana lol) lots of approaches I was paranoid about being too old (32) but there's a big mixture. In smoking area chatting to a 35yo blonde, I number close, long story short we go to gay bar (!) with her as she has some gay guy mates inside she wants to see. I snog her a lot on the floor and eventually pull her back to my room.

At one point I think she might've been up for threesome but I think she had social pressure from her guy mates. First time in a gay bar, surprising ratio of straight fit women...

Daygaming around Kings Cross.

I met up with a mate and I did 7-8 approaches. The apprehension before any of them was huge with a strong feeling of dread/selfconciousness.

The first 3 were awful. First girl I speak way too fast and higher pitch but she's polite. The next one is a Uni student compliment her on style, she asks why and looks perplexed, chat for bit but not great lol

Next one I run up and say I love her winter bobble hat she immediately lights up and starts asking loads of questions, I think it made her day lol

Final one the best, cute girl texting in station. I slow speech and control tone and feel calmer due to the ups and downs of last few, we chat for about 5 mins, where each is going, fashion etc, I should have number closed as she was loving it and giggling.

My emotions seemed to be like a roller coaster depending on if I got a good or bad reaction, need to control this.

The boy got moves :)

out with Ajay. warmed up after a few approaches (and beer!), 3 hot girls at bar, before I could think I went up to one and said do you think my Christmas jumper is too Christmassy (yeah I know) then spot they are posing for club photographer, one said something then turned back to mates. Ajay does a few warmups, going up to a cute girl and telling her she looks good, gets good response.

in next place, girl giving me the eye, grab her hand and dance she clenches mine asks my name, I still feel awkward, number close her, after few mins of grinding I go in for kiss she pulls back. Chat for bit then leave her. Get number of girl in smoking area.

At last bar, we were doing well, chatting to bar maids first, we'd been there earlier so they knew our names. In smoking area, Adam opens 2 girls, I chat to her older mate, but about generic boring stuff and I find it hard to spice it up.

I Approach group of 7 girls, saying so do they like my jumpers Christmas lights, good response, I ask why their out, mates birthday, she asks me to guess age, I say high or low but the. 25, she beams, comes over and hugs me, I laugh and say I need to guess girls ages more often.

Long story short I end up snogging the cute blonde one 27, later after dancing with her then leaving, chatting to more girls outside, she comes outside gets near to me so breakaway to her.

I still feel a lot of what I do is just luck. Although, I feel approaching bigger groups is now much easier than 12 months prior. I used to think that girls in big groups are always having the time of their lives and any interruptions are not welcome but most seem to love it.