Hey, been stuck in the desert for 3 months so came back to civilisation and I am determined to smash through my AA
FR: 03/12/09
Perth -
Was absolutely shattered and not in a good frame of mind after 7 hour train journey, so shaky start to the day.
Got settled in and went out to sort visa for Thailand. Was not in the right frame of mind so didn't force myself to start Gunwitch float missions.
Said hi to a few HB's in the hostel, didn't make good EC though. Went and sat in canteen with me dinner and immediately sat next to a chick, "mind if I join you" and sat down before she answered. Got talking and assumed rapport quickly. Had her cracking up and did some good feelings talk at times. Turned out she had worked at the same place as me in Northern WA and we had worked with the same people. Dropped in a few DHV stories but delivery wasn't so great as I've not rehearsed them in front of a mirror or anything. I got a little nervous as the convo stalled a little, although I did hold it together well. Have to watch out for EC as I was looking away first sometimes but that is becoming easier to hold for extended periods. I maintained good open BL and I went for bounce to bar downstairs, to which she agreed.
Met target 10 mins later and I got talking to a couple of blokes from Denmark as she walked in, ie to get SP and show I was a harmless, outgoing guy. Sat with new group, conversation ran dry at times and I started to fidget nervously at these points. I keep doing this but I guess I must have projected I was nervous in the awkward silences. I failed to dominate the frame although no one stamped their authority on it. He called me up on it and said you got loads of energy... UGH! I was fidgeting unconciously... well not fidgeting but slapping my knee and nodding my head to the music... DONT DO THIS!!! Gotta be unaffected by the enviroment. When I tried to relax, I got a handle on it but I was slipping back when I wasn't focusing on it. The Danish guys were using defensive BL and I think they sussed they were intruding, although I didn't actually verbalise it and I knew I hadn't got enough attraction with the target anyway.
They left and was just me and target left. Got good interested BL to start and convo rolled well with no gaps but I could tell I was loosing her. I'm not outcome dependant no more so it didn't matter, I tried to get in more feelings talk but I think the damage had been done because of ealier nerves and I had not done enough work in the attraction stage. DIdn't try and close as I was in the LJBF catergory. Maybe I should have pushed my luck but I had got no subsequent IOI's and neutral BL. Overall though, I used no routines apart from unrehearsed DHV stories and I started really well and kept the interaction going for a few hours, its just that I am not congruent with the confident me I'm trying to be and my nerves keep letting me down. Also I have no material prepared which I think I should but to be honest I just want to get a handle on my AA and get comfortable in the initial stages before I start to do that. Fake it till you make it??? Hmmm... faking that your not nervous is quite hard!! Never mind this is the first sober cold approach I have done in civilisation for 3 months.

FR: 04/12/09
Perth -
Started super confidence course today. Had to go round and ask twenty people a quick question and get an answer. Was nervous when around lots of people however, when there was no one around I had no problems talking to anyone. Found it difficult to smile on every approach but there was a couple of HB's who I should have continued the interaction with. Girl by esplenade, I asked for time, smiled at her as I left and got a nice smile back - should have pushed the interaction. Girl by KFC asked for time, she showed watch, should have been like, can't you read the time unless its digital? in a playful manner but thought of that as I started to walk away.

Was tough to do some approaches mainly because I felt everyone behind me was watching me. Absolutely no truth in it but that belief was what stopped me from doing alot of approaches. Should have taken me an hour max but I did it in 4 hours The thing is, I was more concerned about the people around me judging me than I was about the target I was speaking to bizzarely, as asking for the time off HB's don't really faze me too badly. I know no one cares and that they just assume I know the person if I start to talking to them in the street but that is obviously a subconcious belief that needs weeding out.
Anyway, mission accomplished and got back to hostel.
Saw a HB9 from day before, had said hi to her previously but I broke EC first. She ended up making me a cup of coffee and she started talking to me. She was smoking hot and I got clammed up and couldn't think straight. She started asking me questions and I gave straight answers with no multi threads and made the convo about me so.... she ejected as fact talking about yourself is very unconducive?
Opened HB Dutch, managed to relax a little more but conversation was still about fact talking on travelling. Didn't get an emotional connection and she wasn't up for a bounce to the hostel bar. Crashed and burned, although earlier in the interaction she was mirroring my BL but then I started mirroring hers? GWM states she should always copy yours, whats your experience of this? Was sat by her eating dinner and my BL was not facing her directly. She turned in towards me and I reciprocated a little bit, not by turning but opening my posture a little. She then turned back to how she originally was. I know this is an IOD but one of my SP's is BL in the initial stages of an interaction. I am experimenting with not turning fully towards the target and I have noticed that they are not telling me they have a BF in the first 2 minutes of convo!! However, I am unsure of the threshold where I start showing too much disinterest? Any thoughts on this? I am probably thinking too much about this.

Was not in mood for going out in evening as I had enough of cold approaching for one day. I got well pissed off with doing the super confidence exercise as it took so long but forced my through it. Gotta repeat it again 2 moz but I got a few better tactics to try this time so people aren't always following me, like ducking in to shops... Hey I'm a newbie to this! But I NEED to do this course, whatever it takes to get a handle on my nerves!! Thats what lets me down consistently.

FR: 05/12/09
Started second half of day 1 in super conf exercise. Found my anxiety totally dropped off when I was properly relaxing my centreline and focusing on my head. Imagining I was blue energy was crazy but it worked when I did it properly. Couple of chicks I spoke to were fucking stunning and I didn't get anxious at all. Maybe it would have been a different matter if I tried to pick them up but in the end I am taking the baby steps, learning to walk before I run.
Lost concentration on some approaches and felt my nerves again. Also bottled some approaches, especially in really busy areas but towards the end I pushed myself to do them and got 2 in, in front of the whole street. Well I say in front of the whole street, of course nobody noticed because no one was paying any attention to me. Still this invalid subconcious belief is here.
Bottled an approach on a stunner because she had very negative and defensive BL as she was waiting for a bus. Talked myself out of the approach and that is why I SHOULD have approached her, to blast through this anxiety I get.
Anyways, I am gonna repeat this exercise as I wasn't able to focus on relaxation for every approach and I still talked myself out of certain approaches. I feel that I didn't accomplish the exercise how I wanted for maximum benefit. So as much as I wanted to blast through this program, I am going to do it properly.