I'd love to say I crashed and burned
 

Hi gang,
The start may look whinging, but bear with me.
Like the title says, I'd love to be able to say I tried, crashed and burned.
At least it would mean I've tried. Nothing like this has happened. No matter how much I'd built up my confidence before going out, and no matter how solemn promises I'd made to myself I've always chickened out. Shit!
Even when I could see I caught their eyes. Nada. Mortified me.

This has got to do with my insecurity about me not being able to communicate well enough due to English being a foreign language to me. It gets even worse when in a club or a bar, or any other noisy place, where even people I'm used to listen to have to repeat themselves almost every time.

Anyway, I'm feeling I'm proper stuck. And I need to overcome that bloody fear of making myself look retarded in front of other people and girls especially.
And no, words of assurance my friends tell me, that it isn't bad at all and I shouldn't feel that about myself don't work. Tested. They just don't.

So I've come up with a slightly unusual idea. I've figured I need some sort of negative impulse that will happen after I failed to approach even when I want to. And here you can come handy, dear friends:) Especially these who I've been meeting at the improv.
Basically I would like one of you to volunteer to smack my ugly Polish mug when I confess that they've been situations when I wanted to approach but chickened out. And I'm not gonna lie.
I'm sure you're thinking 'what a nutjob' but I remember quite well those methods applied by my father (with a belt on the arse of course, but I think I'm too old for that;) worked a treat in countless situations. It probably is some sort of folk psychology, but I can imagine that the latter of the reward-punishment duo could work for me here as well. I'm not afraid to get smacked, but still it feels shit and might give me enough determination to actually take the plunge and friggin do what has to be done.

Now go ahead and have a go on me. But don't dismiss the idea right away. I sort of know about how I'm constituted and I think this could work. If you give the idea any credit but don't feel like doing anything like it I can promise I'll make sure you want not to smack but kick my face after the next improv. Repeatedly:D

This thread will keep the record of how this is working for me.

peace&fluff
7aco

PS. A guy at the psychiatrist's. - Doctor, I think I'm a masochist. - What makes you think so? - Well, I often take out my penis, put it on the table and hit it with a hammer. - I see. Is that pleasant for you? - Yeah! When I miss!

Hell yeah. I remember you doing this to me the second time we went out! It took me 2 seconds to open haha!!

Good stuff K!
Actually, knowing it will be you, mean creature, is definitely going to make me put serious effort in that. I'm sure you're picturing me crumbling at you feet with swollen face and tears in my eyes and not sure exactly whether I want this to stop or go on...;) Seriously now, muchos gracias for the write up. Looks like there's something on about it then.

Thanks Nova, seems that this form of pressure actually does work as your example shows.

Don't look at in terms of not being brilliant at English, (though your sentences on here don't show any sign of you being from overseas) you have a foreign accent! Something that when i'm talking to a girl and she has a foreign accent she instantly becomes more attractive, it's mysterious and different.
Don't look at your qualities as negative look at the positive, although I think you might just be using it as an excuse so i'll gladly slap you, take your money and drink your beer :D

Stay away from my beer!;)

Dude when I first met you I thought - what a cool guy.

Don't feel like you need to try so hard, just be yourself.

See you around!

Thanks D, I very much appreciate your warm words.

Are you Yasek from Improv? If you are then believe me dude you have nothing to fear.I thought you owned the last Improv session, especially during story tag.

Cheers Kes,

I very much enjoy improvs. Really do. I can already see things have changed in me thanks to that. That's why I keep coming and will keep coming.
Still, this is a limited environment to which you can adapt. Slower or faster. Think of a dog on a line attached to a kennel. It can be loud when someone approaches, can run around the kennel like mad, bark its flipping lungs out. And would surely rip you apart if you came close enough. Now get that dog off the line and take it 200 yards down the road. Do you think the dog would do what it did before? You see what I mean?

Now, there's something new in all that. You see, what the improv and you guys in general, your influence, have done for me is that it's made a crack in the dome of my fears, chimeras, assumptions about the world and my place in it. There is a crack, small now but it lets some sunshine through. That makes me already a happier person than I was before I joined you. But now I've grown impatient. I want the crack to get bigger and bigger. See more sunshine.
Well, no. I want the fucking dome to collapse. I want to emerge from the debris and just stick my fucking mug to the sun, spread my arms and enjoy both the light and warmth it gives. Fully.
I don't think this is all about girls any more. This is about becoming. Girls simply just follow.
I've been shit with chicks because I've been shit with myself. Have handled myself in a shitty way. Wait! I've been handling myself and that's what's bad! I'm thinking right now I don't need handling. I am not an object. Jeez, I don't know if that makes any sense to you, it could just be incoherent babbling. I'll better let it all settle down and then write more, when I can articulate it.
Uff, my head's buzzing. Enough.

All that said, I want stick to my resolution. One slap for each girl I wanted to approach and I didn't. That's been 2 as of today, by the way;)
I don't want to stick to it because I'm desperate any more. I want to stick to it because now I'm curious. I want this experience. Maybe this is starting to look a little bit too sick, but hey! Fuck it. I want that experience.

peace out

7aco

I like the way you write you should talk to girls this way, honestly girls like incoherent babbling as long as it's done in a confident way.