I'd love to say I crashed and burned
 

Hi gang,
The start may look whinging, but bear with me.
Like the title says, I'd love to be able to say I tried, crashed and burned.
At least it would mean I've tried. Nothing like this has happened. No matter how much I'd built up my confidence before going out, and no matter how solemn promises I'd made to myself I've always chickened out. Shit!
Even when I could see I caught their eyes. Nada. Mortified me.

This has got to do with my insecurity about me not being able to communicate well enough due to English being a foreign language to me. It gets even worse when in a club or a bar, or any other noisy place, where even people I'm used to listen to have to repeat themselves almost every time.

Anyway, I'm feeling I'm proper stuck. And I need to overcome that bloody fear of making myself look retarded in front of other people and girls especially.
And no, words of assurance my friends tell me, that it isn't bad at all and I shouldn't feel that about myself don't work. Tested. They just don't.

So I've come up with a slightly unusual idea. I've figured I need some sort of negative impulse that will happen after I failed to approach even when I want to. And here you can come handy, dear friends:) Especially these who I've been meeting at the improv.
Basically I would like one of you to volunteer to smack my ugly Polish mug when I confess that they've been situations when I wanted to approach but chickened out. And I'm not gonna lie.
I'm sure you're thinking 'what a nutjob' but I remember quite well those methods applied by my father (with a belt on the arse of course, but I think I'm too old for that;) worked a treat in countless situations. It probably is some sort of folk psychology, but I can imagine that the latter of the reward-punishment duo could work for me here as well. I'm not afraid to get smacked, but still it feels shit and might give me enough determination to actually take the plunge and friggin do what has to be done.

Now go ahead and have a go on me. But don't dismiss the idea right away. I sort of know about how I'm constituted and I think this could work. If you give the idea any credit but don't feel like doing anything like it I can promise I'll make sure you want not to smack but kick my face after the next improv. Repeatedly:D

This thread will keep the record of how this is working for me.

peace&fluff
7aco

PS. A guy at the psychiatrist's. - Doctor, I think I'm a masochist. - What makes you think so? - Well, I often take out my penis, put it on the table and hit it with a hammer. - I see. Is that pleasant for you? - Yeah! When I miss!

Hell yeah. I remember you doing this to me the second time we went out! It took me 2 seconds to open haha!!

Good stuff K!
Actually, knowing it will be you, mean creature, is definitely going to make me put serious effort in that. I'm sure you're picturing me crumbling at you feet with swollen face and tears in my eyes and not sure exactly whether I want this to stop or go on...;) Seriously now, muchos gracias for the write up. Looks like there's something on about it then.

Thanks Nova, seems that this form of pressure actually does work as your example shows.

Don't look at in terms of not being brilliant at English, (though your sentences on here don't show any sign of you being from overseas) you have a foreign accent! Something that when i'm talking to a girl and she has a foreign accent she instantly becomes more attractive, it's mysterious and different.
Don't look at your qualities as negative look at the positive, although I think you might just be using it as an excuse so i'll gladly slap you, take your money and drink your beer :D

Stay away from my beer!;)

Dude when I first met you I thought - what a cool guy.

Don't feel like you need to try so hard, just be yourself.

See you around!

Thanks D, I very much appreciate your warm words.

Are you Yasek from Improv? If you are then believe me dude you have nothing to fear.I thought you owned the last Improv session, especially during story tag.

Cheers Kes,

I very much enjoy improvs. Really do. I can already see things have changed in me thanks to that. That's why I keep coming and will keep coming.
Still, this is a limited environment to which you can adapt. Slower or faster. Think of a dog on a line attached to a kennel. It can be loud when someone approaches, can run around the kennel like mad, bark its flipping lungs out. And would surely rip you apart if you came close enough. Now get that dog off the line and take it 200 yards down the road. Do you think the dog would do what it did before? You see what I mean?

Now, there's something new in all that. You see, what the improv and you guys in general, your influence, have done for me is that it's made a crack in the dome of my fears, chimeras, assumptions about the world and my place in it. There is a crack, small now but it lets some sunshine through. That makes me already a happier person than I was before I joined you. But now I've grown impatient. I want the crack to get bigger and bigger. See more sunshine.
Well, no. I want the fucking dome to collapse. I want to emerge from the debris and just stick my fucking mug to the sun, spread my arms and enjoy both the light and warmth it gives. Fully.
I don't think this is all about girls any more. This is about becoming. Girls simply just follow.
I've been shit with chicks because I've been shit with myself. Have handled myself in a shitty way. Wait! I've been handling myself and that's what's bad! I'm thinking right now I don't need handling. I am not an object. Jeez, I don't know if that makes any sense to you, it could just be incoherent babbling. I'll better let it all settle down and then write more, when I can articulate it.
Uff, my head's buzzing. Enough.

All that said, I want stick to my resolution. One slap for each girl I wanted to approach and I didn't. That's been 2 as of today, by the way;)
I don't want to stick to it because I'm desperate any more. I want to stick to it because now I'm curious. I want this experience. Maybe this is starting to look a little bit too sick, but hey! Fuck it. I want that experience.

peace out

7aco

I like the way you write you should talk to girls this way, honestly girls like incoherent babbling as long as it's done in a confident way.

Tom you're such a charmer!

It's true just waffle whatever's on your mind and as long as you have confidence then you'll be awesome and you'll stand out from all the others who talk about boring stuff.

Break that dome down, seriously most people post on here about how they have problems in a very factual way but you have a very visual imaginative way of talking let that out.

First, thanks Tom. Charming indeed:)

Now, that's been some night for me tonight. I've approached for the first time! It was at the ice rink in Spinningfields. She works there. I saw this girl briefly before when I went for lunch to that shed that's next to the ice rink (uh, hu hu I love liquid lunches). She was on ice doing some spins. Practising, I'm guessing and maybe showing off a little.
I had two thoughts then: wow she's really good looking and why the hell she's wearing tracksuit bottom? I love to look at strong toned legs:D
Anyway I went to town tonight with my housemate as he wanted to buy some coat. I told him I wanted to go to the ice rink and chat up that girl on the way back.
So we went there. He asked me which one she was and started rushing me out. I was like 'dude, why don't you go there and order us pints?' and he went 'I wanna see her telling you to fuck off'. That wound me up a little so I told him that I don't appreciate him being a cunt and suggested he should fuck off instead. Guess what? He was pissed off at me for taking his words seriously! But he fucked off and sat on a bench nearby.

Anyway I climbed on the brink of the rink and was scoping for her when some dude came up and told me I can't stand on it. Fuck, it's getting hard I thought as it was hard to shout through the plexi band down from the ground. I tried nonetheless: 'Hey snowflake!' She didn't hear me. I thought snowflake was quite funny and should grab her attention but didn't want to repeat myself like an idiot. I called her again, no joy. Then this other staff guy passed me by on his skates so I called him and he stopped. 'Can you call that blonde girl? - Which one? - The one that's picking somebody from the ice right now' He looked at me for a moment but then went to her and brought her back. And stood there!

Fuck! You knob head! It's my first time! I don't speak English too well. Can you not make it a bit easier for me?' was the only things I could think before I went 'Hey how are you doing?' I'm-all-rights and how-about-yous... Geez, she's not inhibited at all I thought. The other way round, she was forthcoming and really friendly. 'So why there's so much water on ice?' 'Well, I think it's because of the wind'. My brain went blank for a moment and then I pointed at her figure skates and asked: 'Your skates look different than anyone's else. Why is that? - That's because I'm a figure skater. - Oh I see. Cool. Maybe you'd like to show off a little?' After I said that I thought I shouldn't have but she was like 'I would but I'm working now. But on Tuesday there's gonna be a conference and (...she basically said they are doing their stuff then)'. I didn't want to say anything like 'Oh great I'll see you there again' as that would be lame and not cool. Instead I just ok'ed it.

To the point I thought: 'So what's your name anyway? - Peaches - What? - Peaches, like the fruit, what's yours? - Jacek.' Pleased-to-meet-yous and a hand shake. A very firm one but I guess that's what she has to have to do all those figures with a partner. That's when I saw in the corner of the eye the guy moved on to his business. I guess he was just protective and that's all.

'Is that hard? - It is hard, but it's a great fun. Do you want to try? - How much does that cost? - About 6 pounds but you're best to ask at the box office.' I was going to say 'I would but I'm skint' but instead I told her it was too wet for me. And that's when I sort of run out of things to say and it felt like this conversation was going to end. Didn't want to ask her for number, I felt it would be awkward to ask her for it as probably she hadn't had her phone on her and even if I got the number it would be a flaky one. So I told her it was very nice to talk to her, said goodbye and went off.

EDIT: Funny thing. One of the reasons why I think made the conversation die was the fact that I was standing on the ground whilst she was on the ice about two feet higher than me. It felt like some bloody papal audience and was generally a bit awkward.

And then I gave my friend a really hard time. But that was just disciplinary. I felt too great to be angry with him.

All that really made my day. I was walking to town very low energy but the way back was entirely different. I was chirping: I did it man! First time I spoke to a strange girl in this country and this wasn't bad at all! He'd known about my inhibitions and had been very supportive before. I don't know why he said that but whatever... Could be just a crap joke and there's nothing else about it. Anyway I don't think he's ever gonna do it again. He knows I won't tolerate it.

It's interesting what state it's put me in. Things were just clicking in. Went to Walkabout and chatted to some Irish dude on a stag do, cracked jokes with chefs at a kebab place in Deansgate. Relaxed and happy. On the way back home there was that beggar crying for help. Somebody punched him and probably broke his ribs. He was panicked. 999 - explained the situation, stayed with the guy and calmed him down until cops and ambulance turned up. All easy, no nervousness. I just knew what to do. I'm still high on that!

Ok, I know it's a lengthy post but I've tried to detail it as much as possible so you could point at things I could improve. With regard to the girl of course, I know everything I did afterwards was tip-top.
I'd really love to hang out with that girl. So much friendliness in her. And she's hot! Let me know your thoughts, please.

What a night....

I roxx!

peace out

7aco

A quick follow-up: I went to see their show tonight and spoke to the same girl. Only this time it was much different. She immediately excused herself and went back to her spins and what have ya. Sure, she had the show and was busy but I could tell even the 5 seconds she spent talking to me was a waste for her.
She came quickly when I waved to her. She wanted fun. I just didn't deliver.

This time I was shy. I overcame the anxiety (funny I wouldn't have thought I'd feel it but I did) but that was not enough. I was no fun for her. Bam! and she was gone.


No balls blows you out faster than you can say 'no balls'.
A valuable lesson.

peace out
7aco

Don't worry about it it's all a learning experience you made the first step and had a pretty good first approach and persevered even though you had to ask some guy to get her. Most men would have given up at this point but you stuck with it, if that's what your first approach is like then I predict good things.

Good going man, and I second what Tom said.

Onwards and upwards!! :badgerslayer:

Thanks K, good call
However I started it, so I'll also close it.
Thanks everyone for your valuable input.

Next chapter begins...

cheers

7aco