Stop playing the victim. Stop blaming her for your emotions.

You need to be aware of your emotions but don't let them have control you.
A massive part of being good with girls (and pretty much everything) is mindfullness. Do some research of mindfullness, you need it.

This sort of reaction is also very passive aggressive, another thing which will repulse women.

PS, everything kowalski & daleinthedark said is spot on. You really have a long journey ahead (if you decide to go on it). Get meeting new girls !