I had an interesting discussion, and there was some general agreement about the following point.

I can't be specific and say that what I am about to write is concerned with only women, only men, all humans, a mixture of the two sexes, or just some. I just do not have the experience to say. But of my experience, and those others discussing it, I will relate it to women, and I am sure it is not all women, but I do not even know the percentage it applies to, and after all I could be completely wrong, even.

But it is this, and I write it as not only of interest but also of a warning which men would do well to bear in mind.

Say you meet a woman, friendly to you, flirty, etc, and you feel you can relax with her, so you communicate with her unguarded as you deem her to be ok.

So you carry on like this and all is going well, then suddenly the wind changes. You do not see why this should be. All is and was going well, you were getting on really well. But what has happened is either a) she has changed her mind, suddenly doing an about turn, or b) she hasn't changed her mind, she was just not being honest with you about her true feelings. Eitherway, it is a sudden about turn, she can't stand you, you make her skin crawl, you are a pest and even threatening and scary. Of course you have no idea at all this is the new situation.

Maybe she has just 'gone off on one'. Whatever, she finds herself in a very awkward situation because having led you on and then just changed for 'no reason' she feels bad about it. She just wants to get rid of you but knows that it isn't your fault, so she feels bad, she can even feel ashamed and embarrassed, and this shame and embarrassment is so hurtful and uncomfortable to her that she needs to save herself, she needs to find a reason to make you and everything go away to never bother her again so that she can bury it and carry on. Though she can't tell you straight, she needs to blame you, needs to justify herself, she needs 'ammo', and may loll you along until something turns up she can take out of context so as to shine a very different light upon it.

At this point you are in dangerous territory, and you still have no idea of your peril because you do not know the true state of things.

In desperate need of a reason for you to be the one to blame, some reason will be found or concocted. You text her, thinking all is alright (incident one, noted and logged), you phone her (incident two, noted and logged), the love letter you sent her with a bit of poetry becomes a stalking menace (incident three, noted and logged).

Next thing you know you have got someone duffing you up, or even a cop on your doorstep, re an allegation, or your text are all gathered and read, and your internet activity, etc, etc, though you may perhaps never know about it, yet a record you naturally have to have because of it.

If it was cops, they would know the score, and soon see you are ok, and strongly suspect that they have been used to satisfy a need she has to ensure a total end to it, and to pass the blame from herself for having been hurtful to you for having led you on and then suddenly changed.

Be careful is all I am saying. Remember that how it is, esp at the beginning, may very well not actually be how it is or will be, so don't let your guard down, have a mind for anything which could be twisted and used. Some would throw you to the wolves just to save their own feelings of shame and low self-esteem.