It is 10.30 am, the 1st of january, 2015. I'm stone cold sober, no beer goggles, etc. Now look, lads, hand on heart, I'm not shitting you, I swear, whatever you may think, that woman with the brown hair, blue eyes, beautiful and lean neck...........I could go on and on.......is fantastically attractive to me. I really fancy her. You, I can see why you think I am taking the piss, because the photo is not 'the best shot' conventionally speaking, but I'm not, I promise you, I'm on the level. Also, I can tell exactly what her body is like from this head and shoulders shot.

Ok, so I ask you this then, all of you, serious question: a) do you think she has beautiful eyes?, b) do you think she has a beautiful colour of hair?, c) do you think she has sexy straight hair in a very attractive style? d) do you think she has perfect eyebrows? And do you not think that not only has she got all these notes, but that they all play together as a beautiful siren-call chord?

So come on, answer these questions I ask you.......you call me a troll, well then justify it, tell me what you think about this beautiful woman's individual elements.

Now I know that I am unlikely to get a proper response here because you suddenly find yourself saying, 'Well, her eyebrows are nice, true, and, well, yes her colour of hair is attractive, etc, etc'. No, lads, it is you who have a problem, and you have been exposed because you can't see it.