FR Friday 31 Jan 14

I hate posting "oughta', shoulda', coulda' reports but it's one of them I'm afraid.

There was no approaching tonight except 5 mins from the end. My wing was sitting with a group of 5 girls. He was getting ignored then when I sat down and spoke to one of them I got ignored as well haha. We were too pissed.

earlier in the night I got a few longish stares from attractive girls (nice validation) but was not in the mood to approach them. The first one was a cute brown eyed girl with long curly dark hair in my local in first 5 mins of the night. Our eyes met across the bar. As she twirled her hair I saw the ring but I could still have approached I suppose.She was with her female friend.

The second IoI I noticed was in another bar later on. Two blondes sitting across the bar. One of them gave me a good 4 second stare and I stared back but again I didn't approach. Despite the fact the ratio in this bar must have been about 4:1 there was not a lot of approaching on the women and the interactions I saw looked shit quality. Even more annoying that I didn't at least try.

I really need to kill this AA, or at least get it to manageable levels. I've done solo cold approaches that have worked out well so why I am back at square one again. Maybe it's mood swings causing it (I didn't go out in a very good mood). My mates don't like me approaching, but I my proper wing, who's keen to approach, never turns up until the later part of the night (the last hour) and we're both too drunk by then. I also felt I was in an aggressive mood and thought I might not take a bad reaction very well.

I know now it's just AA nothing more or less. Some of it is the fact I'm local and not 'abroad' (in a strange place where I don't give a shit). But that's just rationalising it tbh. I should be past this by now. I thought I was.

You have to start somewhere, even if it's from a point of feeling uncomfortable. And it's probably from the point of being a bit scattered and out of state (flying the plane without the manual). I'm looking for a perfect situation that never ever happens. I get annoyed with myself because I feel like I'm letting myself down now when I don't approach. But I don't want to lose that bad feeling. It's a motivator for next time. It makes me angry that I didn't try. Turn negative energy into positive energy.

There are other issues in my life I need to sort out. My logistics suck. There's always POF I suppose.

I feel a bit closer to sorting this out now but it's also getting very tough. I've got through tough things before and I've always found you need a lot of determination to break through. I'm prepared to give it everything I can find in me.

I am sure some girls want to fuck me, or at least are interested, but I just don't give them an excuse by talking to them.