I'm fully aware I'm going to get cussed down for this post, I just need a forum to air how I'm feeling at the moment...
p.s I'm currently very drunk...

So I haven't really posted on here since Jan, basically when I fell into a relationship..

So I've now become one of those guys that's stayed with "the first girl that I've managed to get regular access to some pussy from" Actually not the first, just the most recent.

I came on here feeling pathetic because I hadn't been layed in n months, I became determined to change the path of my life. Anyway cue a few dates with girls who basically bored the shit out of me, I end up on a date with a girl who whilst by far from the most attractive girl I've ever dated(read the least attractive of my actual girlfriends(a couple of my ex's have been models)), she's lovely(I mean a really reallly nice person) and we get on really well.

Now this is a long time ago now, I posted a lay report at the time, I was so happy that I'd actually got some. I've now been with her for 10 months (In the beginning I tried to chase her away, tried to break up with her, she always managed to pull be back. I don't really find her attractive (pretty but fat(great in bed though)). I've come to feel for her, even though I know that I won't marry her, I know that if I break up with her it'll devastate her, I don't want to do that, she's lovely.

I guess I'm scared that I'll end up alone, I seem to have this pattern where I chase girls away, the only ones pathetic enough to stick around are desperate. (I'm far from ugly, but I'm hardly Brad Pitt)

I guess I'm just terrified of being alone, I break up with girls (more push them away till they break up with me, I find it easier and yet more
painful that way))
I'm now in the position that however I look at things I can't lie to myself anymore, I won't marry this girl, but it causes me real pain when I think how much breaking up with her will hurt her, if I'm totally honest I'm crying right now writing this, I know how much damage and harm my selfish actions will cause. At this point in time I hate myself for the damage I'm going to do to a good person, but I do also recognize that I can't sacrifice my happiness and well being for that of another person, I have great times with my GF, but I do wonder if that is because of who she is, or just having that truly intimate relationship with another human.

For anyone who's actually read this, thank you for taking the time, I apologise for the lack of coherence, I don't really expect any constructive feedback, I expect to be told to stop being such a little bitch. I did however need to air this out, I expect I'll read this tomorrow and amend slightly, but this is my current incoherent mind.
Much love,
Drew