The key is -- your profile is like a shop window, if it looks crap or doesnt stand out, they aint coming in!
So youve got to stick an item in that shop window that catches their attention and makes them enquire without much effort or investment of time

have key words in your profile -- ie - i like to travel, ive a dog,climbed everest, was on the titanic
(pictures to match are great) anything that gives somone a reason to comment and message you.
ive looked at stunning girls profiles who i was prepared to invest energy into getting to know and thought for 5 minutes what the hell do i say to them--thats because they had a generic non descript profile-- dont make this mistake with your profile because most girls wont invest that 5 mins in thinking what to write
make it easy for them
ive experimented with top on and topless pictures-- topless often stops nice girls from messaging you-- youa re labelled a player etc etc
but topless pics gets you interest off girls who predominatly want to just fuck casually
- the balance is having pics that show you are awesome without you showing off.

dale your profile is on the funny side, but its non descript bit like a comedian rambling -- there is nothing key for somone to drop you a quick message about
in one of my profiles i once put - god have recently been to see a psychic, couldnt beleive what she said!
-got loads of messages from girls asking what it was or telling me their own psychic stories (girls love that shit)

or i`ll often stick some ice breaking questions on-- girls love to fire you a quick message in answer to them and you can use it to open a dialogue
1) (the classic) If you had £1 to buy me a gift on the way over to mine what would it be

online like offline IS a numbers game
if you talk to every chick you meet on a night out-- chances are some of them will be ones that fancy you- even if you have zero personality, 1 leg and a cock hanging out your pant leg