Its been a long while since ive last done an update i cant remeber dates for everything and a lot has happened and quite a lot of it bad but some of it good.I will try to put what i remember to the best of my ability.

Friday march the second i went to Nottingham to see some bands and went out after god i loved it i had an amazing night,hanging out with a few m8s and so many hot girls all over the place.So i got to thinking if im getting made redundant i might as well go for a quick move to Nottingham as it seems to be my kinda city.Not to mention Hot Goth Girl from back in October texts me wanting to meet up on monday

Saturday march the third i nearly cried coming home on the train and went out that evening in my town, god at first it really sucked but then i snapped out of it and opened a bit more.I got opened!! like first time even it was by a girl i used to go college with 10yrs earlier she was like you havent changed a bit,(i was thinking god damn you have for the better).I could have/should have pushed harder,but the most i did was grab her arse and get her number (turned out to be a flake in the end :s).The rest of the night got better and better.Phantom turned up a bit pissed and pounced on me first thing
Her and the guy shes fucking fell out big time in the pub and she stormed off,id just popped to the shop with my m8 who wanted fags.So i grabbed her round the arm and said "Im walking you home!!).Well we get to hers and im starting to get my hopes up,when Backup rings Phantom from the pub asking where we are,stupidly she picks up the phone when im in the pisser and tells her where we are,im thinking fuck fuck fuck.Then im like whatever if im doing her she wont answer the door and i pounce on her.Damn its going well then bang bang at the door im thinking either she got a cab/lift or can run faster than Bolt!!
No matter what i do Phantom wants to answer the door even when im like No!! in a stern manner.Fuck im pissed off now,tho i keep the cool calm exterior, well Backups here to cock block obv gggrr and the second she wanders off etc we get off with each other the second she turns up Phantom stops even when i hold on its annoying.Im the end the lays not on im tired so im like hey im going,Backups like "like ill come 2" I tell her "NO!!" (later that night she rings me and i lose the plot at her telling her we are not going out and as far as im concerned whatever was going on with us is done!!!

Monday the 5th I go to work and they tell me i have a permenant job im thinking wkd i can take a loan out asap and get my car and my teeth fixed finally.
Goth girl turns up fuck i forgot how hot she was,tbh it was a really painful experience,i know she was tired from working all day but she didnt interface with anything really and went early,when i started reminding her of our little union a few months ago she batted it away like i farted in her face :S bad times.
In the end she didnt stay as long as she planned and i was left standing at the bus stop thinking how could i fuck it up again!!damn it.
I got back to the flat and decimated the place i havent broken shit in ages but it really got battered to hell
The only time she looked interested was when i was poking her in the arm and pulling faces at her,so there is a lesson learnt there!!

I went to work on tuesday and we had a big meeting basically telling us the company i work for are moving to Coventry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no loan for me Bummer
Ive never been there, but every person ive asked about it since has said it is a real shithole
Well this was way to much for me to handle and for the last few weeks ive been rather stupid,ive took a heap full of drugs and not left my flat apart from to go out and grab some crap food or drugs then return to it.I even smoked a few cigarettes the other day which i hadnt done in over 3yrs!! stupid stupid.
I was gona drop pua,life everything just sitting in my pity pot scared to deal with stuff really.
The past few days ive come back round tho and realized 2 weeks has gone by since i was told my work are going at the start of June and ive done nothing but take drugs and make excuses!!
So the safe option is stay where i am, which is what i was considering as its easier with the pets and it would mean i wouldnt have to sell the car,tv etc (as the sales of these fell thru in the same weekend and needing the cash for a deposit it was my top SAFE option).
I still havent been to coventry yet so this saturday im going to Coventry unfortunately only in the day as i would like to check out the nightlife,however i have never heard anything about any kind of decent live music,alt/goth clubs/pubs there or stuff that might interest me,but the plus is i would just have to move there as i have a job.
Or where im leaning and my original plan is Nottingham which has everything i want great live music veues and alt pubs/clubs plus a large female goth/alt/emo/student community but the finding a job/place to live could be very challenging (pets).
Or even up north where my parents are but i would put this as last option as its cold and rains a lot and theres not heaps more to do that where i am now,which has bugger all but is pretty near everything to travel to tho.

Latest realizations

FEAR ive realized from this little episode it rules my life.Im shit scared of the unknown and uncertaintly,hence thinking of staying in my small town life rather than take a real big risk and move to a city!! But ive also realized like my saying says below without risk taking we become nothing!! In a city id have so many more options!! i seem to really struggle when like now im juggling a few plates and i dont know deffo what the right moving is and i dont wanna do anything incase its the wrong choice.But at the end of the day time ticks on so i need to just pick and go for it. Im aiming for Nottingham and staying where i am as a fall back idea incase i cant land work up there.That way i can still keep applying and going to interviews whilst living here working another job.That is unless Coventry blows me away this weekend?!

Ps good news ive got a buyer for my car so i have money for a deposit to move now just the tv haha