Went out on Thursday night with a friend id not seen in a while. Started off at the pub he works at. They have karaoke at this pub on a Thurs night. Now guys iv done karaoke before but its usually when im ridiculously wankered and have to be egged on to fuck by my friends to do it, oh and i cant sing for shit either. Tonight though i thought 'Fuck it im gonna do karaoke, fuck what everyone might think, im gonna do it for me'. Ok i was a little fresh but was definitley not drunk like i have been in the past when iv done it.
Why did i want to do it i hear you ask? Well two things really, it was going to put me out of my comfort zone and make me do something im not comfortable doing and i was having a laugh with my friend and thought it would be funny.
So i got up there and sang Bee Gees - How deep is your love. Man it was funny, some people even applauded at the end haha. This put me in an awesome mood, we had a few more beers and hit town.
Town was packed. Packed to the point where you could hardly move though, which wasnt cool at all. Anyways i persevered made some approaches got blown out a few times and also had some cool conversations with people. Got pretty drunk got some food, had a great night with my friend and went home.
So whats the point of this FR then if you didnt have a 4some with blonde supermodel triplets Phenom?
The reason im posting is because on Thursday it was the first time that i conciously realised how comfortable and happy i felt in myself. It happened after i approached a really hot 2set and got blownout. The convo died really early so i said 'Right then m'off' and walked away. Iv been blown out loads before and whilst i dont let them bother me to the point im gonna go cry in a corner id be a lying if i said they didnt bother me at all.
This time was different, as i walked away i didnt feel a single negative emotion. Quite the opposite actually, it felt good, i felt happy in myself, i was well and truly completley unaffected.
Sometimes iv felt a loud club evironment to be kinda intimidating, but that night i felt the same as i would if i was sat chilling in my bedroom. It was awesome, me and my friend had an awesome night and met some really cool people.
Saturdays lesson was very different though guys, but il write more about that tomorrow. In the meantime il leave you with this quote, take from it what you will.
Quote:
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“I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.” - Maya Angelou
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