The dating industry is a sad place at times. Whilst there are a few great companies and coaches out there helping men to be more confident, charming, authentic and honest, there are even more that teach men to be afraid to express their intentions, to play on women’s insecurities, to be inauthentic and dishonest. In fact, for every great coach out there I’d say there was at least two bad ones.

That’s why I want to talk about being a “real” man, the kind of man who finds it effortless to attract women. Do you think a George Clooney or a Brad Pitt would find it in anyway necessary to be dishonest in order to charm a lady? Of course not! Neither would they require false pretences to start a conversation, or to play on a woman’s insecurities to make her attracted to him. And yet this is exactly what some companies will teach their clients.

Of course, none of us “average Joe’s” have celebrity status, but this isn’t exactly what attracts a woman. It’s about being confident, charming, charismatic and decisive (see here for more details What attracts a woman? | The Authentic Man Within). When you have these qualities you don’t need to be anything else but direct and honest. Some companies will talk about “stealth attraction”, or chatting a woman up in such a way that she’s unaware you’re chatting her up. For guys who are trying to find their feet in the success with women game this will land them flat on their face. Women are the most perceptive creatures on the planet, they can spot a pick-up attempt a mile away. Check out “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine to find out how women manage to be so much more perceptive than males when reading social situations.

For those more socially skilled males who have been involved in the dating industry for a while, there’s no denying that they can make this kind of “stealth attraction” work. I’ve seen it myself, many times. However, it shelters them from developing any real confidence. None of them have the confidence to clearly state their intentions, and if they were asked to it would scare the life out of them. Is this really who you want to be?

I’m operating from a completely different mindset, a mindset of radical honesty and core confidence. AKA, being a “real” man. My mindset and the mindset I like to instill in other men when interacting with the fairer sex is this:

“I’m chatting you up, we both know it, and there’s not a dam thing you can do to stop me… nor would you want to!”

No bullshit! Just real confidence, real charisma and real charm.