BOLLOCKS!!! Big, hairy bollocks!! Cefai, I'm going to have to bail mate. I'm really sorry, I promised one of my mates from secondary school he could come to Bristol this weekend, like ages ago. I completely forgot until he wrote on my wall on Facebook earlier.

Hence the loud exclamation. Have a word with Hustler and Summer Junky - there's bound to be someone who can take my place in the car.

Honestly, it was going to be such a good weekend - meeting the Manchester crew (who I'm also sorry to by the way), a pissed-up weekend, acquiring fanny...instead I'm going to be stuck in Bristol.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't seen this particular mate in over a year (he moved away from Grantham) and he's a really cool lad, but he'll want to go to Oceana. Or Panache. Somewhere shit anyway. Maybe I'll plant the seeds of curiosity with regards to the seduction community. Watch this space.