Originally Posted by hench28

Hey, so I'm in a relationship, 4 months in and I want her to make some decisions/take some actions. What to do to get her to make those decisions is my issue.
We're not officail and the standard answer is we're just friends although everyone knows really. She won't tell her family, not many friends and certainly not him. She thinks it's not right while living in the same house.

She's married, has kids, been unhappy for a few years. I started seeing her 4 months ago, known her a while longer and since two months after seeing me she's split with her husband. It's been in the post but she wouldn't have if not for seeing me.

He moved out for a while then back in with the attitude "it's my house, why should I move out". She's adamant she wants out of this situation and I believe her 100%
She is a great mum and scared she won't be able to provide what they want/need etc - I'm certain she will. She is struggling to file separation and legally end it, even though she's ended it, as it's so final and its the situation changing - ending a long relationship, kids, house, his and her own family.

She gets told a lot by her own family and by him that she won't be able to cope financially and has little support of those who should have her back. Her mum once told her she wouldn't speak to her if she found out she was seeing me.

Other than that, she's good looking but insecure and low self esteem to some degree.

Shes scared to death of change, affording it alone, affecting the kids etc. but want's to tell him shes seeing me and want's us to be official when she can deal with it all.

My question is what can I say or do or what game can I play, as such, to get her to out us, or feel the need to deal with this - feel that she'll lose me perhaps? I don't really want to give her an ultimatum if possible as she is really struggling already, although maybe i should, I don't know??

Advice??

Hench