Quote:
Originally Posted by dan300
How have you been received on other forums? Assuming you've expressed all the same things about yourself, your feelings and your future projections that you have to us.
Empty threats from behind a computer screen aren't going to get you anywhere. And you won't out-smart Kowalski (luckily I'm only second in the world to him).
You said you were normal 10 years ago, so perhaps you could get some of that normality back. Yes professional help might help. You said you'll "maybe" seek that help, but don't maybe seek it, just do it. You can get free counselling in most places there's always professional organisations and charities willing to assist people in despair etc etc. People drag themselves out of the gutter all the time and make their way back in life. There's also some who have had it worse than you - there's literally a 40 year old virgin somewhere right now yet at least you've banged a bunch of hookers. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow so slow down and stop illustrating such worrying traits.
|
I have been banned from most forums that I show my true self on. I refuse to back down now, that's why. With my mindset I will go far, I am persistent and determined, I always bounce back through sheer bloody mindedness.
I have a lot of unfocused aggression now as a result of my experience over the past 10-12 years so I lash out easily at the slightest hint of hostility.
Going back through the old threads I see a lot of egotism and bullying on this forum, so I know the likes of Kowalski and others are not innocent and should not be allowed to get away with these personal attacks.
I've gone nearly 30 years without harming anyone, what gives him the right to call me a potential menace to others!?
I've been harmed myself a few times, 10-12 years ago when I was weak.
Okay, I overreacted, he was trying to help, but I've seen his egotism in old threads and people like him that throw their weight around are a red rag to a bull for me.
Yes I could die quite easily and that is why I am desperate to have as much casual sex as possible to make up for the years I went without.
I spent my whole youth "inside my head" so to speak, occasionally stepping outside, being ridiculed by other youths and then going back in to my head.
By my early 20s the pattern was set, despite being at uni from 2010-2012 where I could have day gamed successfully.
By saying I was normal 10 years ago, I meant that I hadn't got into the autopsy videos and masturbating to them, which was something that happened during my time at uni and the worst of my isolation.
Before that, in 2008 I was "normal" in the sense that I was a blank slate, without a dark past. I used to see these young pretty girls and get the same sense of panic that I get now.
I had no social circle in 2008, no job, just college and EMA for survival.
I'd been out of the special needs school over 2 years at that point but I still wasn't sure if it was reality or whether I was still there, heavily sedated and in a straight jacket.
So I spent most of that time in my room, not getting the opportunity to talk to anyone for days.
I remember actually, on several occasions there were girls that said "hi" to me, but I just tried to get out of the situation before I could embarrass myself.
I distinctly remember walking down the road during my first few weeks at college in September 2007 and a pair of girls on the other side of the road waiting at the bus stop shouted "Hi" to me and I said Hi back but didn't know what else to do.
Also I didn't trust them in case they were trying to ridicule me.
That was one vivid memory, I have a few others, they are knocking that campus down now, I really miss those days
