How have you been received on other forums? Assuming you've expressed all the same things about yourself, your feelings and your future projections that you have to us.

Empty threats from behind a computer screen aren't going to get you anywhere. And you won't out-smart Kowalski (luckily I'm only second in the world to him).

You said you were normal 10 years ago, so perhaps you could get some of that normality back. Yes professional help might help. You said you'll "maybe" seek that help, but don't maybe seek it, just do it. You can get free counselling in most places there's always professional organisations and charities willing to assist people in despair etc etc. People drag themselves out of the gutter all the time and make their way back in life. There's also some who have had it worse than you - there's literally a 40 year old virgin somewhere right now yet at least you've banged a bunch of hookers. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow so slow down and stop illustrating such worrying traits.