Cheers Kes,

I very much enjoy improvs. Really do. I can already see things have changed in me thanks to that. That's why I keep coming and will keep coming.
Still, this is a limited environment to which you can adapt. Slower or faster. Think of a dog on a line attached to a kennel. It can be loud when someone approaches, can run around the kennel like mad, bark its flipping lungs out. And would surely rip you apart if you came close enough. Now get that dog off the line and take it 200 yards down the road. Do you think the dog would do what it did before? You see what I mean?

Now, there's something new in all that. You see, what the improv and you guys in general, your influence, have done for me is that it's made a crack in the dome of my fears, chimeras, assumptions about the world and my place in it. There is a crack, small now but it lets some sunshine through. That makes me already a happier person than I was before I joined you. But now I've grown impatient. I want the crack to get bigger and bigger. See more sunshine.
Well, no. I want the fucking dome to collapse. I want to emerge from the debris and just stick my fucking mug to the sun, spread my arms and enjoy both the light and warmth it gives. Fully.
I don't think this is all about girls any more. This is about becoming. Girls simply just follow.
I've been shit with chicks because I've been shit with myself. Have handled myself in a shitty way. Wait! I've been handling myself and that's what's bad! I'm thinking right now I don't need handling. I am not an object. Jeez, I don't know if that makes any sense to you, it could just be incoherent babbling. I'll better let it all settle down and then write more, when I can articulate it.
Uff, my head's buzzing. Enough.

All that said, I want stick to my resolution. One slap for each girl I wanted to approach and I didn't. That's been 2 as of today, by the way
I don't want to stick to it because I'm desperate any more. I want to stick to it because now I'm curious. I want this experience. Maybe this is starting to look a little bit too sick, but hey! Fuck it. I want that experience.

peace out

7aco