Hi gang,
The start may look whinging, but bear with me.
Like the title says, I'd love to be able to say I tried, crashed and burned.
At least it would mean I've tried. Nothing like this has happened. No matter how much I'd built up my confidence before going out, and no matter how solemn promises I'd made to myself I've always chickened out. Shit!
Even when I could see I caught their eyes. Nada. Mortified me.

This has got to do with my insecurity about me not being able to communicate well enough due to English being a foreign language to me. It gets even worse when in a club or a bar, or any other noisy place, where even people I'm used to listen to have to repeat themselves almost every time.

Anyway, I'm feeling I'm proper stuck. And I need to overcome that bloody fear of making myself look retarded in front of other people and girls especially.
And no, words of assurance my friends tell me, that it isn't bad at all and I shouldn't feel that about myself don't work. Tested. They just don't.

So I've come up with a slightly unusual idea. I've figured I need some sort of negative impulse that will happen after I failed to approach even when I want to. And here you can come handy, dear friends Especially these who I've been meeting at the improv.
Basically I would like one of you to volunteer to smack my ugly Polish mug when I confess that they've been situations when I wanted to approach but chickened out. And I'm not gonna lie.
I'm sure you're thinking 'what a nutjob' but I remember quite well those methods applied by my father (with a belt on the arse of course, but I think I'm too old for that worked a treat in countless situations. It probably is some sort of folk psychology, but I can imagine that the latter of the reward-punishment duo could work for me here as well. I'm not afraid to get smacked, but still it feels shit and might give me enough determination to actually take the plunge and friggin do what has to be done.

Now go ahead and have a go on me. But don't dismiss the idea right away. I sort of know about how I'm constituted and I think this could work. If you give the idea any credit but don't feel like doing anything like it I can promise I'll make sure you want not to smack but kick my face after the next improv. Repeatedly

This thread will keep the record of how this is working for me.

peace&fluff
7aco

PS. A guy at the psychiatrist's. - Doctor, I think I'm a masochist. - What makes you think so? - Well, I often take out my penis, put it on the table and hit it with a hammer. - I see. Is that pleasant for you? - Yeah! When I miss!